Monday, January 09, 2012
Well, it happened. Friday night was the night of the horrible episode. I had felt so wonderful and "capable" on my journey since October 2011 of not overeating a single meal. I was on a roll of "correctness" in eating my meals. That is not to say that since I started at my peak of 350 lbs I had not overeaten at any one time. I did and recovered from it and continued on, but this time it felt different. It was like I had let myself down. I had failed. I had not learned anything during these 2 1/2 years on my weight loss journey. I don't understand why it hit me so hard. I was going along Friday like my usual day and my husband and I had a night to ourselves, which is very unusual. We thought we would do something different and order take home Mexican food. I love the flavors, but have been able to eat the right way since October. I ordered a taco salad served in a very large fried tortilla bowl. I took the first bite, the second bite and so forth until I looked down and it was all gone including 1/3 of the tortilla bowl. I honestly can't seem to remember eating it! I'm crazy I guess! When I realized what I had done, shame filled me so that I was really down until Sunday morning (yesterday) and didn't care if I ever ate anything at all again. I planned to not eat anything for 2 days to make up for it. As the day went along, I was sitting in my recliner thinking and feeling sorry for myself and it came to me. My plan of redemption was very foolish and not safe either. I decided that I had come to far to mess up now. Right then and there I made a vow to myself that I will never again "fail" myself due to overeating a meal and that it will probably happen again as I'm not perfect! I can't allow my emotions I was feeling to attack me into being foolish. I am a person who is working everyday to become more healthy and become a new me. I have learned now through this experience that I will take each day as a new day, each day is the first day of the rest of my life.