Scale be damned - I have succeeded!
Sunday, January 08, 2012
I recently read a pictured slogan that said "If you really want to do something you will find a way. If you don't, you'll find an excuse." I really want to do half marathons. I don't care if I am always the last person to cross the line - this is about no one but me. It would be easy to say I don't have time to get my miles in working nights and being solo iwth the kids 75% of the time. It would be easy to quit when despite the miles on the treadmill the weight is not dropping. It would be easy to not do it. I am not graceful looking when I do this but who cares. I do not do this for you, for looking graceful, for anyone's accomplishment but what is inside of me. My next half marathon is on 01/15/2012 and I have been adding the miles on the treadmill and my private road. Saturdays are usually my bigger mileage day and today was going to be a busy day. I finished my night shift around 5'ish this morning, slept for a few hours and then off to a baby shower for a friend where this may be her only child (due largely to medical issues). My MIL is in town and dropped me off at the shower and took the kids to catch a movie and some other activities. Before we left it was confirmed that they wouldstill be in the movie when I was to be done with the baby shower. Instead of sitting around and waiting I decided to prepare to get my longer mileage in. I wore appropriate clothing, shoes, packed my Ipod, headphones, Garmin Forerunner 305, hat and gloves in my purse and walked out the door. When I was packing I decided that whenever I walk out the door I will have those things in my purse so whenever the opportunity presents itself there is no excuse not to take the moment to walk.
I ate light at the shower knowing that I was going to be walking and that I do not do well with exercising on a full stomach. When it was time to go I suited up, turned the music up, and away I went.
When I first started the HM thing I had a hard time getting the miles in and would sweat as if Jillian and Bob had me at the ranch at the beginning weeks. When I did my first HM I was averaging a 23 minute mile and that was a "Washington flat course". I have not given up and continue to work on getting better. I was supposed to do the Tinkerbell HM in 01/2012 but was not going to make the time requirement of no more than a 16 minute mile. I deferred to another Disney HM in 2013. I still have not quit. I keep finding new races to do and continue to prepare for the the 2013 16 minute miles. I have several HMs coming up but the next one on time I am concerned about is in May and June where I have to have 18.32 minute miles at the max for the duration of the race. All of this is going through my mind while I start walking from where the shower towards the downtown area where the movie theater is. At some point my MIL and kids will meet up with me so I am not planning on walking all the way to the theater.
During this walk I am in going up and down hills, across overpasses, down streets, through some brush - and thinking of where to walk on 1/15. I do not have to be at 18.32 for 1/15 but kind of using it as a measuring guide towards May and June......
I get the call - where are you? I meet the family - just shy of 5 miles and I was in a groove doing great and could have kept going ...and at a pace just 9 seconds per mile off what I have to be come May. I AM GOING TO BE ABLE TO DO IT!! I have several months to go and just need to shave 30 seconds to be comfortable but 9 seconds to make it. I can do that.
The scale may not move but I have moved - I have moved miles and mountains and tons of emotional baggage. I laugh when I see the look I get from people when I say I do half marathons. They see the plus size body and not the heart that has felt so much hurt and has found a way out of the sea of despair. They do not see what I have already accomplished.
There are no excuses for me. I cannot not do this. If I dont do this I will drown in emotions and stuff this body beyond what it can hold physically, spirtually and emotionally. I will measure success beyond what a hunk of metal says my value is. There is success in lacing up. There is success in training. There is success in entering the race. Heck, in less than 3 months I have shaved over 4 minutes per mile off my time. I want this. I am prepared. I have found my way.