So.

I had a weird dream last night, prompting this blog. I dreamed I was looking down the length of a zip-line, scared to go on. Most of my friends had gone across. On the other side was a Chinese restaurant (I wondered in my head if they'd serve healthy food). 2 girls stayed around, and we walked to the other side and ordered lunch. At this point I wished I had rode the zip-line as it didn't seem so scary on the other side. All of my other friends had taken off by this point, and didn't wait for me and the other 2 girls to order or finish lunch. I thought to myself- in the past I would have gone home and filled the feelings left by my friends leaving me behind and my not accomplishing the zip-line up with food. Today I won't, as I made 2 new friends and won't let my emotions dictate my overeating. Woah. In a dream. Go me! (Even though it was just in a dream).

I believe this dream was prompted by a Sparkfriend's blog and this part of our Sparkpages, that allows us to see who we've friended and who hasn't friended us back, vice versa, and who our mutual friends are....that I looked at just before bedtime.

http://www.sparkpeople.com/f
riend_lookup.asp

Which leads to a little information about me in case you're wondering who I am:

I DON'T: have kids
I DON'T: have a mommy tummy (see #1)
I DON'T: want to give up on myself again
I DON'T: have a husband (one day I hope!)
I DON'T: like wishy-washy excuses/justifications....from myself. 1 justification snowballs into 10, I know this about myself. From others? It currently annoys me, but to each their own. They may not be ready to make the change. It probably also annoys me because this is an area I struggle with- food justifications.
I DON'T: care if you are religious or not, as long as you don't care about my religious or non-religious tendencies.
I DON'T: care if you are vegan, practicing a raw food diet, etc or are a meat eater. I can learn from everyone.
I DON'T: eat many prepackaged foods. Very few frozen dinners, prepackaged cookies, etc.
I DON'T: keep my binge foods in the house. I don't keep them at work. I try not to keep trigger foods around either. For example, if I were to make a delicious chocolate cake there'd be a chance I would eat 3 pieces a day every day until it was gone. And that would be on top of my normal healthy foods. And then I'd probably feel guilty and then cue an extended binge of 10000000's of calories. Ditto for chips or other delicious baked goods. If I only had 1 piece of a delicious cake, I'd be ok. I may even be able to cut it in two, and eat it over 2 days. Ditto 2 or 3 small pieces. I wouldn't feel guilty about eating 1 a day for 3 days. I'm weird, I know.


I DO: care that we share the same getting healthy goals, and are making a lifestyle change; creating a new normal.
I DO: wonder about people who track a 500-1100 calorie intake a day on here. Are they tracking everything? How do they feel? Can they maintain? These are some of the questions that roll through my head as I check out trackers with fascination. I've just started noticing food trackers as I've just started posting mine on here.
It's also a source of food ideas and fascination to me on how people manage to incorporate sweets and treats into their daily lives, or what they eat to maintain. I think it helps me.
I DO: provide as much support as I can on here to my Sparklyfriends
I DO: try to respond to all blog comments, etc, and I do feel a little bad if I forget some
I DO: have a pear shape
I DO: worry about how my legs will look when I get closer to my goal, as they are larger (see previous point). All the bootcamps and boxercises are making them smaller, but still. loose skin in my future?
I DO: worry about maintenance, so I'm trying to set up the best supports and have a maintainable plan in place.
I DO: usually lose about 1-3 lbs a week.
I DO: have issues with binging. We're not talking overeating, although that can happen as well. I am human (is that a justification to overeat? Or just a mere statement that it can happen. hmm. Well, it's not like I'm a plant, I am a human. I digress). I'm talking about binging. (see the DON'T point on binging)
I DO: eat meat.
I DO: wish to eat as cleanly as possible, as I find I feel better with fewer processed/prepackaged foods in me.
I DO: cook/bake most foods myself. Homemade. Also easy to track that way.
I DO: believe that what we eat counts for a big part of our weight loss. I know it's true because I could outeat any good effects from the gym any day I'm not cognizant. What's the caloric difference between losing, maintaining or gaining? Not that much.
I DO: like a little competition when it comes to fitness. It motivates me at the gym.
I DO: enjoy working out. At the gym. With weights. And Bootcamps and boxercises. Rawr! My muscles are slowly building under the fat.
I DO: believe in keeping up with it at the gym, even if it seems hard. I promise you, it will get easier. I don't mean easy, I just mean: you will be more coordinated, find the plyometrics easier to handle, your speed will increase, your weights will get heavier. It may take weeks or months, but you will get a sense of power and accomplishment that is hard to describe.
I DO: know that if I started at the gym with 100 lbs to lose, and even started bootcamps then, so you can too. I applied this concept to running not that long ago when I saw that others were running on Sparkpeople at my weight or heavier. I'm like- gah! foiled by my own logic, so I've taken up running in hopes to outrun the zombies. I mean, in hopes of becoming a runner.
I DO: respect that not everyone can afford a gym membership or find it appropriate for their life. I'm awed by people who go out and run a 5K or a marathon. All before lunch. !
I DO: appreciate each and every one of my Sparklyfriends on here. You have no idea! The support you show me I only hope I return to you :)