With the return to work after the holidays it seems everyone has started noticing that I have lost weight - many people thinking I managed to shed all this weight over the holidays! I've even had a few people take me aside to check that everything's ok and that I'm eating properly.....hmmm......if only they were there during my New Years Party feast - they would know there's nothing to worry about!
I can only think it's because they hadn't seen me in two weeks and so when I came back to work they had a recollection of me that was twenty pounds heavier than what they actually saw when I got back.
i took that picture after being with Sparkpeople for two weeks. I was 66kg (145.5 punds), overweight, and had already lost 3kgs.
This is my most recent photo, taken yesterday. I'm now 57.5kg (127 pounds) , under my goal weight by 1.5kg.
Now with all these compliments, what could possibly be the problem?
Part of me is hearing 'you're so skinny , you can eat whatever you want to now!' and another part of me is panicking a little bit and thinking 'I'm not used to being called skinny, this is unfamiliar, I want things to be normal again!' These two thoughts have meant that I'm not being as disciplined about what is going into my mouth.
I'm also struggling a little with this new image. I went to a new gym class on Thursday wearing a big baggy t-shirt and leggings and positioned myself at the back of the class, hoping not to be noticed. As we were jumping around to the music it dawned on me that I don't need to hide my figure any more. I was looking at the skinny front row of women, thinking I wish I was as skinny as them (like I always do) and then had a bit of a double take. Wait, the scale says I am skinny, hang on, that means I'm just like them......and then I began wondering what I would look like on one of those skinny gym outfits instead of my now very oversized t-shirts - could I possibly pull it off?
I'm so used to being overweight, so used to the aspiration of being a normal weight (I'm not underweight at all according to my BMI. Just slap bang in the middle. Where I'm meant to be) that I'm still living with that mental picture. Overweight is my normal in my mind. For some reason all these comments this week have enhanced this feeling that normal weight/ skinny is not normal for me. So what do I do?
Well, once again it seems to be about what my mind is saying about me. There is a part of me that is thrilled to look great in clothes and see my size 14's hanging on me. Exercising is a pleasure at this weight and my body has never really felt this strong - and these are the things I think I need to keep telling those parts of me that are a little nervous about the change. This is a very good thing even if it may be different.
Sometimes we really do need to sit and have a bit of an inner chat with ourselves, to give some reassurance and encouragement and take a little bit of time to breathe and say, 'everything's ok, it might not feel ok just yet, but absolutley, most definitely, everything is just fine'.