Trying to get back on track.
Thursday, January 05, 2012
I have been having problems with my 11 year old son this year at school. He has figured out that he can go to the nurse 10 after I drop him off at school and complain of having problems and fever. They will take his temp and it will say 91.9. Every time it is the same temp. They tell me that they cannot keep Robert in school with a temp. I have told them every time that I take it every morning and it is normal. I told the nurse that it really isn't a temp for a child until it reaches 100. She would tell me that anything above 98.6 is a temp and we cannot keep him. I will bring him home and then I have to stay home and work out with the WII instead of working with my personal trainer.
Robert will hear me working out on the WII and come into the living room and ask if he can play on it or go out side. I would tell him no that I had to alter my schedule because you are playing sick and don't want to stay in school and learn. I told Robert that he is going to stay in his room and getting his work and stay in bed and not come out because you are sick. I asked Robert if he would like to repeat 6th grade and see all his friends go on to Jr. High without him. I told him that it is not a good feeling and would get bullied for it. Robert is looking forward to being in 7th grade this next year and being in the band and sports.
Robert will be fine on the week ends and on all the holidays off from school and playing away but when Sunday night rolls around he starts complaining of upset stomach or talking about not being able to keep anything down.
Robert asked me last night why he cann't have parents like his friends parents that believe everything they are told by their children. He said that he don't understand why he cannot get away with everything his friends do.
One of his friends actually told me one week end that I am a mental case and need to be put away. He said this after I drove over and picked him up for bowling on Saturday. I know that the friend don't like me because one night they wanted to walk one mile down the road by themselves on a busy road to get something to drink. I don't mind them getting exercise but I am not going to let 11 year olds loose on a busy highway without a parent with them. This friend has been lied to by his mother for some time now and cannot believe anything she says. My son thinks that I don't want him to have any friends. I told him that I don't mind you being friends with this kid but you are not going to spend the night with him.
I have worked as a first responder with the fire department for 10 years and know how to spy fake excuses. I am hoping that I can burn a fire under Robert to let him know how serious it is to complain too much. Like the boy that cried wolf . Robert has plans to being either a doctor or a parametic fireman and I told him that he has to have good grades to get a good chance of getting into a good college and working towards his dreams.
I know that our jobs as parents is to raise a child in the way he or she is supposed to go and when he or she grows up they will have a good foundation under them.
It's hard when the kids don't want to stay in school.
I hope everyone that reads this has a good day with whatever you do.
Member Comments About This Blog Post
I came by to say hi but noticed after the fact that you haven't blogged lately, so I hope you get a notification that you got an answer to a very old blog. I too went through this exact thing with my dd she was this age (she's 31 now).. I couldn't work that year, I spent the whole year driving her to school and picking her up. She was about 200 lbs. and didn't have any friends and didn't want to be there. Any of the "future stuff" didn't work because she was hurting too much in the moment.. WE were lucky to find badminton that year. We started going out to a mixed league a couple nites a week and it helped move her out of that depression. She also decided to go to aerobics classes and did all these things for herself and she felt a lot better about herself. It is so hard for them to be able to really explain why they are doing the things they need to do to feel good about themselves. I don't know if this is the situation for your son, but there has to be some reason he's not interested in being in school. YOu are right in not allowing him to come home and then get special privileges, but I hope you can find the reasons for this behaviour.
Being a teacher, I know that there is bullying going on, and that some teacher's aren't the right person for some students, we are all different and we don't all learn the things the same way.
I appreciate your catching up with my blogs and offering your comments and support... I hope things have improved with your son and life is on more of an even keel. SP is a great place to come for support and to reach out when you need help.
1786 days ago
Maybeif you talked to the school counselor, you could convince him/her to work with you. My youngest daughter, used to always complain about a tummy ache at school, but the teacher was a friend of mine, and we decided to leave Milk of Magnesia tablets with her to give to her when this happened--the stuff tastes pretty nasty, so she didn't like to take them and this seemed to help the problem. Maybe since you don't have a friend that works there that would be willing to work with you so this might not work for you, or maybe your son might not think the taste is so bad. You could also try giving him the MOM tabs when you pick him up, if you can't convince them to do it at school... Just a thought...
GL--raising kids, especially thru the pre-pub/teen ages can be VERY stressful--especially w/o a partner to standby you.
1929 days ago
They do bring up some good points. I was made fun of at school and was "sick" a lot too... and my parents (especially my mother) was yell and scream at home about the school not doing anything, but never ONCE did she ever call the school or go in and talk to them or anything... Maybe there are some other issues going on "behind the sceens"
1931 days ago
Being someone who is guilty of going home early due to illness at that age I can say this, I had problems with other kids and literally made myself sick with the stress of it. I never told my parents that I was picked on or singled out, because I honestly thought that nothing would "fix" it or make it better. I think at that age we just don't know how to handle stress and would rather just hide from it.
Hope you can get him to see that school is important and that he does better. I'll be thinking of you and him.
1931 days ago
Is something going on at school that maybe he is not telling you? Just a thought. But you are doing the right thing. My kids know when they are sick from school they don't get to do the fun stuff. Period (real sick, or play sick either way!) Good luck though. Raising kids fun right? ha! :) But the rewards are endless!
1933 days ago
Have you talked to Robert's teacher or school counselor? Could there be an underlying reason why he is resisting school? Is he having academic difficulties? Is he being made fun of or bullied? I found that most children did have underlying causes for this behavior when I was teaching and would often need help finding a workable solution to them.
1933 days ago
DO you have a family doctor or a brother or someone? I'm just wondering if there's a male influence that could give him a stern "scare the #*@^ out of him" lecture that he might listen to because of their position of authority? I'm also SNK but did play nanny to several, but they were all girls and for some reason the kids in my family are all very reasonable and can hold a conversation, they aren't like a lot of kids that just have tantrums, etc... at least not since they were like 4 or 5... I guess we just got lucky!!
1933 days ago
When I was raising my daughter, my dad used to tell me to never forget who the adult is, and that I would always be the one with more experience.
He told me to remind my daughter that when she was 18, she was free to move out, earn a living, support herself, and make ALL of her own decisions. I loved this...because I didn't have to be angry or argue with her....it was just a fact.
You have a great advantage...being able to spot a fake excuse! And if you spot a friend who is not a good influence, limit the amount of time he spends with the 'friend'. Maybe they will only see each other at school!
I'm with you! Trust your instincts! One day he will thank you for raising him to be a decent human being!
1933 days ago
Jeepers, that's rough. I'm sorry.
I think that if he asks you if he can play on the Wii, you should probably mention that since he's sick, he needs to rest. Maybe if he has to stay in bed all day, he'll decide school is more fun.
But I'm not a mom, so I wouldn't listen to me too much.
You'll be on my mind today.
1934 days ago
So happy that those days are over for me. I remember my middle son having a lot of tummy aches during grade school also and having to pick him up. I hope that Robert snaps out of this phase real soon. If only our children knew how these things affect their lives later.
1935 days ago
Maybe you could find an older boy in his twenties that goes to your church or a family friend's son who has made mistakes and could talk to him. I am a 28 yr old single mom and it upsets me that I had great grades in school and could have done alot of things with my life, but instead I chose to rebel because I thought my parents were strict and wanted to do things my way and then I did this not once but twice and that is why my life has amounted to being a single mom of two young boys one of which has autism/adhd and I can't find a job, etc. Simple little things that teenagers do can affect their lives for years down the road.
1935 days ago
Why don't our kids listen to us!!! Hopefully, your son is just going through a phase and you can figure out how to "win him over".
1935 days ago
Wow. That would be one friend of Robert's that I would never let come over again. Hopefully, you will get through to him and one day he will tell you "Thanks, Mom".
1935 days ago
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