So December was horrific. Sucktacular. Truly awful. Poopy. How awful you ask? Well, the suckage included 3 trips--2 alone-- from Ohio to Iowa and back which equates to over 4,000 miles driven and over 66 hours driving in 14 days. I'm up 12 pounds for those 14 days. Christmas was... well, it wasn't. I sat at home alone and opened Christmas cards. I've never appreciated Christmas cards as much as I did this year. I may actually send some next year.

Unfortunately, that was the good part of December, being alone and driving and all, and I'm not kidding.

I've always wondered if I would be a decent hospice nurse. What I found out is that I do have what it takes to do hospice. I just wish I didn't have to find out that piece of information while taking care of my MIL. I've never wanted my Mommy so much in my life, and not because she is the knower of all things hospice, but because she is my Mom.

So, in summary, December stunk. December stunk like an Iowa pig farm in July (it smells bad enough in December, I'm guessing about summer).

I could feel my ass spreading as I drove. 16 days with nary a single treadmill, yoga class, spinning workout or swim. I ate whatever was available along the route and food that women bearing casseroles provided when I was stationary. I ate fudge. I ate dairy and Iowa corn fed pork and some monstrosity called a tenderloin that is really really big on a wee little bun. I had Starbucks every day I could because that Venti No Foam Soy Earl Grey Tea Latte tasted like home.

My body is, for lack of a better word, pissed.

At one point I was rolling on the floor in tears because I was so constipated from the terrible food, lack of exercise and stress. Stress-induced constipation happened to me once during finals week and it was so bad I almost took myself to the ER for an appendicitis workup before an instructor told me I was "literally FOS."

TMI Warning

Poor Cheffrey. Defenseless, sweet, kind Cheffrey. He went somewhere he had never gone before, and hopes to never go again. He bought enemas. Poor guy. His Mom was so sick and his wife, the only one who was comfortable with the meds and such, was flopping around on the floor like a fish, desperate for pain relief, writhing around in poo-filled pain. Yup, he went into the drug store and scored some enemas for me. Then, god help me, I had to use them. What a bloody freaking nightmare of humiliating proportions. Insult, meet injury... the bleeping things didn't work.

End of TMI warning

My joints ache from not eating clean. I feel like old Fat Jenn. I went to yoga last night and it's like the last 6 months of yoga never happened. It feels like back to square one. I've lost a mile per hour on the treadmill. My downward dog feels like someone is trying to break my wrists. I could only run for a minute or so on the treadmill. I feel old and fat and gross and tired and my pits stink like they do when I eat a standard American diet. I'm disgusting.

I was doing spinning, and doing it well, a mere three weeks ago.

I'm in this strange place where I'm really upset with myself about my total December failure versus feeling like hey, I did what I had to do, now I can get back to Operation Defattening. I'm still on the horse. I'm still fighting the battle. I lost December. I'm still here. I'm still fighting the good fight. I will admit to being somewhat emotionally, spiritually and physically tired.

I cannot deny that I stress eat. I knew it when I was doing it that I wasn't feeling tummy hunger. I noted it and moved on, moved forward.

I know that being exhausted makes me eat badly. I was awake for 32 straight hours at one point.

I know that stress makes me eat and there was enough stress for a mall full of people.

I know that crying makes me dehydrated. I also know that Coca Cola is a poor beverage to hydrate with. End result is that I drank a lot of it and was still really thirsty.

The good news is that last December I would have chowed down and not cared or even been cognisant of these issues. This December I knew it was happening, noted it, and actually said these words out loud and meant them, "I cannot wait to get home and eat vegan and eat clean and exercise every day and do yoga."

That, my friends, is progress.

What else is progress? I'm far smaller than I was when I weighed this much last year. The exercise is paying off.

I've been 100% on plan since January 1st. I know that if I keep it up I will feel better. It's an act of faith right now.

On to the fun...

Resolutions. Goals. Are they they same thing? I decided that they aren't. I think that a resolution is a behavior you want to change. A goal is something you want to accomplish. Something you WILL accomplish.

My resolution this year is to not text and drive. I've taken care of three people who became organ donors because they--or another driver--chose to text and drive. I strongly encourage you to be part of my no texting resolution.

I don't usually tell people what to do with their lives. I share my experience. I offer support. I offer free advice that is worth what you pay for it. I'm telling you that nothing is important enough to text and drive. Pull freakin' over. Wait for a light.

Seriously. You owe it to yourself and the people who love you to not text and drive. I expect lots of comments stating that you solemnly swear you are up to no good. Errr sorry, got carried away with the Harry Potter for a second there. I expect lots of comments saying, "I would rather live than text, I'm with ya!" or a variation on that theme.

Spread the No Texting Revolution Resolution!

2012 Goals!!!!!

Goals. I need goals. Lots of goals. I require them. Loads of goals.

I will get back to my low weight of 265, and keep on trucking from there. Life is too short to be obese. Life is too short not to respect good health.

Half Marathon, one, preferably more. I want to do The Pig in Cincy. Ohioans call Cincinnati "Cincy" because they can't spell it, FYI.

Maybe Rock N Roll Half Las Vegas with HeatherStew next December, it has to be better than this December! I wanted to do it this year, but I'm a poor saver, so now I have more time to save.

July 28th. Escape From Alcatraz. Me, some other crazy people, a ferry and some sharks. Woot! I think I'm going to harass my mommy until she goes with me and cheers for me.

Mudman Triple, Gambier, Ohio

365 hours of cardio. That's 21,900 exercise minutes people! WOOT WOOT!

I'm also signing up for Fittingin130's 2012 miles in 2012 challenge team. I will be converting my non-walking/running exercise into mileage for that. It's going to be tough and awesome. If you want to join the team take a look at my page and click on it. There is a shorter option as well, 201.2 miles, for the sake of being inclusive.

I expect to be able to do 5 mph for an entire hour by the end of the year. I met my2011 goal of 4 mph for an hour. I have to get back to 4, since I've totally decimated my cardio ability this last month, then move forward to 5.

Be able to run 5k without stopping. Slowing fine stopping not fine.

Lose 100 pounds this year. One Zero Zero. No less.

Weight that starts with a 1 by the end of the year, kind of goes along with the 100 pounds thing.

Smaller belly that allows far more yoga poses.

Gym sprint tri. Basically, bikes are so expensive that I would feel like this goal was "to hemorrhage money" if I set a "do sprint triathlon" goal, so I will do a sprint tri at the gym. Using their bikes. :)

Lose so much weight that I have to literally get rid of my entire wardrobe except shoes. I'm keeping the angora sweater thingie... it will be big enough to roll up in before I'm done.

Yoga goals:

Attempt to like hot yoga again. I loathed Bikram. LOATHED. But I will give it a second chance this year.

Be able to do these poses:

Eka Pada Koundiyanasana---try saying that five times fast!


Also, Natarajasana:



I had said earlier this year I was going to set a 2012 goal of doing an inversion. That goal was a total fail the next day when my favorite yoga instructor laughed at me (kindly) and informed me that I already do inversions. It was her idea to choose goal poses. :)

So, are you giving up texting and driving? What are your goals? I want to hear your goals so I can steal them and make them my goals. Errr, no, I mean, I want to hear your goals so I can encourage you and support you in your achievements!