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Goals, Poo, Starbucks, TMI, Crazy Contortions & The Resolution You & Yours Need to Make

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Wednesday, January 04, 2012

So December was horrific. Sucktacular. Truly awful. Poopy. How awful you ask? Well, the suckage included 3 trips--2 alone-- from Ohio to Iowa and back which equates to over 4,000 miles driven and over 66 hours driving in 14 days. I'm up 12 pounds for those 14 days. Christmas was... well, it wasn't. I sat at home alone and opened Christmas cards. I've never appreciated Christmas cards as much as I did this year. I may actually send some next year.

Unfortunately, that was the good part of December, being alone and driving and all, and I'm not kidding.

I've always wondered if I would be a decent hospice nurse. What I found out is that I do have what it takes to do hospice. I just wish I didn't have to find out that piece of information while taking care of my MIL. I've never wanted my Mommy so much in my life, and not because she is the knower of all things hospice, but because she is my Mom.

So, in summary, December stunk. December stunk like an Iowa pig farm in July (it smells bad enough in December, I'm guessing about summer).

I could feel my ass spreading as I drove. 16 days with nary a single treadmill, yoga class, spinning workout or swim. I ate whatever was available along the route and food that women bearing casseroles provided when I was stationary. I ate fudge. I ate dairy and Iowa corn fed pork and some monstrosity called a tenderloin that is really really big on a wee little bun. I had Starbucks every day I could because that Venti No Foam Soy Earl Grey Tea Latte tasted like home.

My body is, for lack of a better word, pissed.

At one point I was rolling on the floor in tears because I was so constipated from the terrible food, lack of exercise and stress. Stress-induced constipation happened to me once during finals week and it was so bad I almost took myself to the ER for an appendicitis workup before an instructor told me I was "literally FOS."

TMI Warning

Poor Cheffrey. Defenseless, sweet, kind Cheffrey. He went somewhere he had never gone before, and hopes to never go again. He bought enemas. Poor guy. His Mom was so sick and his wife, the only one who was comfortable with the meds and such, was flopping around on the floor like a fish, desperate for pain relief, writhing around in poo-filled pain. Yup, he went into the drug store and scored some enemas for me. Then, god help me, I had to use them. What a bloody freaking nightmare of humiliating proportions. Insult, meet injury... the bleeping things didn't work.

End of TMI warning

My joints ache from not eating clean. I feel like old Fat Jenn. I went to yoga last night and it's like the last 6 months of yoga never happened. It feels like back to square one. I've lost a mile per hour on the treadmill. My downward dog feels like someone is trying to break my wrists. I could only run for a minute or so on the treadmill. I feel old and fat and gross and tired and my pits stink like they do when I eat a standard American diet. I'm disgusting.

I was doing spinning, and doing it well, a mere three weeks ago.

I'm in this strange place where I'm really upset with myself about my total December failure versus feeling like hey, I did what I had to do, now I can get back to Operation Defattening. I'm still on the horse. I'm still fighting the battle. I lost December. I'm still here. I'm still fighting the good fight. I will admit to being somewhat emotionally, spiritually and physically tired.

I cannot deny that I stress eat. I knew it when I was doing it that I wasn't feeling tummy hunger. I noted it and moved on, moved forward.

I know that being exhausted makes me eat badly. I was awake for 32 straight hours at one point.

I know that stress makes me eat and there was enough stress for a mall full of people.

I know that crying makes me dehydrated. I also know that Coca Cola is a poor beverage to hydrate with. End result is that I drank a lot of it and was still really thirsty.

The good news is that last December I would have chowed down and not cared or even been cognisant of these issues. This December I knew it was happening, noted it, and actually said these words out loud and meant them, "I cannot wait to get home and eat vegan and eat clean and exercise every day and do yoga."

That, my friends, is progress.

What else is progress? I'm far smaller than I was when I weighed this much last year. The exercise is paying off.

I've been 100% on plan since January 1st. I know that if I keep it up I will feel better. It's an act of faith right now.

On to the fun...

Resolutions. Goals. Are they they same thing? I decided that they aren't. I think that a resolution is a behavior you want to change. A goal is something you want to accomplish. Something you WILL accomplish.

My resolution this year is to not text and drive. I've taken care of three people who became organ donors because they--or another driver--chose to text and drive. I strongly encourage you to be part of my no texting resolution.

I don't usually tell people what to do with their lives. I share my experience. I offer support. I offer free advice that is worth what you pay for it. I'm telling you that nothing is important enough to text and drive. Pull freakin' over. Wait for a light.

Seriously. You owe it to yourself and the people who love you to not text and drive. I expect lots of comments stating that you solemnly swear you are up to no good. Errr sorry, got carried away with the Harry Potter for a second there. I expect lots of comments saying, "I would rather live than text, I'm with ya!" or a variation on that theme.

Spread the No Texting Revolution Resolution!

2012 Goals!!!!!

Goals. I need goals. Lots of goals. I require them. Loads of goals.

I will get back to my low weight of 265, and keep on trucking from there. Life is too short to be obese. Life is too short not to respect good health.

Half Marathon, one, preferably more. I want to do The Pig in Cincy. Ohioans call Cincinnati "Cincy" because they can't spell it, FYI.

Maybe Rock N Roll Half Las Vegas with HeatherStew next December, it has to be better than this December! I wanted to do it this year, but I'm a poor saver, so now I have more time to save.

July 28th. Escape From Alcatraz. Me, some other crazy people, a ferry and some sharks. Woot! I think I'm going to harass my mommy until she goes with me and cheers for me.

Mudman Triple, Gambier, Ohio

365 hours of cardio. That's 21,900 exercise minutes people! WOOT WOOT!

I'm also signing up for Fittingin130's 2012 miles in 2012 challenge team. I will be converting my non-walking/running exercise into mileage for that. It's going to be tough and awesome. If you want to join the team take a look at my page and click on it. There is a shorter option as well, 201.2 miles, for the sake of being inclusive.

I expect to be able to do 5 mph for an entire hour by the end of the year. I met my2011 goal of 4 mph for an hour. I have to get back to 4, since I've totally decimated my cardio ability this last month, then move forward to 5.

Be able to run 5k without stopping. Slowing fine stopping not fine.

Lose 100 pounds this year. One Zero Zero. No less.

Weight that starts with a 1 by the end of the year, kind of goes along with the 100 pounds thing.

Smaller belly that allows far more yoga poses.

Gym sprint tri. Basically, bikes are so expensive that I would feel like this goal was "to hemorrhage money" if I set a "do sprint triathlon" goal, so I will do a sprint tri at the gym. Using their bikes. :)

Lose so much weight that I have to literally get rid of my entire wardrobe except shoes. I'm keeping the angora sweater thingie... it will be big enough to roll up in before I'm done.

Yoga goals:

Attempt to like hot yoga again. I loathed Bikram. LOATHED. But I will give it a second chance this year.

Be able to do these poses:

Eka Pada Koundiyanasana---try saying that five times fast!

Also, Natarajasana:

I had said earlier this year I was going to set a 2012 goal of doing an inversion. That goal was a total fail the next day when my favorite yoga instructor laughed at me (kindly) and informed me that I already do inversions. It was her idea to choose goal poses. :)

So, are you giving up texting and driving? What are your goals? I want to hear your goals so I can steal them and make them my goals. Errr, no, I mean, I want to hear your goals so I can encourage you and support you in your achievements!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Wow, Jenn, I feel for you, man, I really do! I was myself, driving for 2 days from WI to FL in a van and it took 2 days, was gone for almost 2 wks, eating nothing but complete crap, saw Hogwarts though, got some chocolate peppermint frogs for the road, drove back for 2 more days. I think I pooped 2 x. Granted, I was on vacation, not dealing with family bad things, but our van broke down and we had to get a new van and I did completely abandon my c25k workout & progress I had made thus far. Like I said, I feel for you man! I think your goals are a bit lofty for me, but you GG! I am still in fear of failure moad so my goals must be achievable in my head. None of this swimming with sharks hooha for me. losing 10 lbs to start? I think I can do that. And I'd really like to have a goal of faithfully working out 3 times a week and walking my dog once a day. yup. that's more my speed. you are a wild woman!
    2173 days ago
    Thank you soooo much for this post! I lost December, too. Traveling for work, late hours, airport food, stress eating, etc. I feel slightly better knowing that I'm not the only one, and that feeling of having lost everything I've gained (flexibility, stamina, cardiovascular function) is not just me. I will remember this as I am pushing myself to do the things I did easily 4 weeks ago and then continue beyond where I was before December hit.
    2173 days ago
    I'm so sorry you had such an awful month.

    My goals for this year, so far, are to do the 10K portion of the Flying Pig in May and a half-marathon in Chicago in June.
    2173 days ago
    So sorry to hear about your December! Sometimes life comes at you fully armed. So glad you're able to start taking care of yourself again. You have some great goals and accomplished so much in 2011. I know you're going to do amazing things and keep inspiring us in 2012.
    emoticon emoticon
    PS: No texting, messing with iPods, radio dials, etc. in my car. My son is a new driver and I don't want him ever seeing me do that.
    2173 days ago
    I wanted to do the Air Force 5k this year, but we can't plan for a month vacation this year!

    My sister in law is still afraid of the Cincy Pig.

    2173 days ago
  • JENNA54
    If I was sick I'd want you looking after me! Don't focus on the past - just look forward to the future. December is nothing more than a set back, and as you say you are already back on track from Jan 1, so just let it go!!! I know I have, because my December sounds very like yours. Your goals sound great - good luck with them, and I'm still with you on the losing 100 pounds in 2012. This time next year I won't even recognise myself!!
    2173 days ago
    Whoa, sorry to hear that December was a royal stink bomb! Here's to a much more spectacular 2012. And I'll have to think about those goals, so I'm taking a temporary pass, and will blog later;-). Which is me totally ducking the question, but only for a bit.

    And seriously, I have trouble texting and watching TV, so I can NOT understand why anyone thinks they can text and drive? That's like saying you can make a bed and can't, so you shouldn't do it. Period. Partly because of the attention needed (hey, those hospital corners take finesse!), and partly because the bed is just too darn big to fit in a car. So, I am with you, no texting and driving. Or making a bed and driving. Or putting on mascara and driving. Or making out with cute boys while driving. Well, let me think about that last one...
    2173 days ago
  • MOETR345
    Wow, sorry your December sucked so royally. Glad you learned from it and are moving forward.

    It is illegal here to text and drive (or talk on a cell unless you have a hands-free device). People who text & drive are apparently 23 (!!!) times more likely to get into an accident than the average driver. That's much worse than drinking & driving (I don't condone that either).
    2173 days ago
    You did what you had to. Life throws stuff at us, but you are getting back on that horse! Good for you! One of my favorite quotes is "You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it." It helps get me through the poo...(or lack thereof, ahem.)

    Never text and drive...I solemnly swear!
    Great post, thanks for sharing!
    2173 days ago
    Nice blog! I really relate with a lot of it -- especially the knowing, recognizing, and even out loud commenting on stress eating and the like. Keep it up, you'll reach your goals!
    2173 days ago
  • MARYMO22
    I'm so glad you're ok, I was thinking towards the end of December that you hadn't blogged......
    I don't text and drive anyway (3 points on your license here and £60 fine anyway)
    It always amazes my how many people just don't concentrate on the road, through other things, not just texting....

    Loving the goals - I'm with you on the run 5k without stopping and also being able to run an hour - I have a 10k planned in less than 3 months! eek
    2173 days ago
    Jenn, You totally rock! I love your blog. I am with you with wanting to lose weight, looking at your goals has me wanting to get mine down and started. You have done so great and it will continue. Keep up the great work. The best thing is that you still know how to get on and ride the horse! emoticon
    2173 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/5/2012 4:20:09 PM
    I started the new year at goal weight.

    I plan on staying at goal weight.

    I think that's enough to focus on.

    P.S. Yes I won't text while driving.

    Hang in there and stay accountable. We're WATCHING you! LOL
    2173 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/5/2012 3:10:42 PM
    Rock on with all those goals!
    2173 days ago
    Wow. Hopefully things will get better in January for you. Keep up that positive attitude and you will get back in exercise mode fast. You are an awesome motivator!
    2173 days ago
    I can totally relate to this blog. My father-in-law passed away this summer, and though our car trips were shorter, we took no less than 10 trips to Portland from Bend in two months. And each time I was in my mother-in-laws home, I'm sure I gained weight. It was so discouraging.

    It does feel so much better to be making good food choices, getting exercise, and feeling like it's paying off. Good for you for getting back on the boat. . .

    2173 days ago
    Wow ... glad that December is behind you! 2012 is going to be a great year for you ... keep focusing on those goals! And I sure wish everyone would join in your resolution ... texting while driving causes many broken hearts.
    2174 days ago
    You did NOT lose December. You learned through December. I thank my loving therapist for telling me the same thing yesterday. I, like you, ate my way through the month. But it's what I needed to do. And despite feeling like CRAP, I am actually healthier for doing it. She told me to dedicate my eating TO something though. So - December's eating is for stress with my family, stress with my life, stress over money and not having it, and stress leading into the new year. Here's to you Stress! *Raises a LARGE glass of wine and a box of chocolates*

    Now - as far as 2012 is concerned. I do expect to see you in the 100s before year end. I also expect to see myself at goal. And thanks for the tip about the 2012 miles in 2012. Since I'm running the marathon this year, I hope that's an easy task for me!
    2174 days ago
    You are so awesome!
    My body is also coming out of sugar shock.
    I ran amuck almost the whole month.
    I really need to get back to yoga.
    Thanks for inspiring me.
    2174 days ago
    I too really want to do a sprint tri but the cost of bikes put me off. A friend recently told me that you can actually rent out a bike for a tri at some bike shops! You may want to look into that as another option
    2174 days ago
    Welcome back! 2012 is going to be a great year, I just know it!! :-)
    2174 days ago
  • MAMACAT2_3
    Loving this blog, and great goals!! I will commit to the no texting while driving rule! I try not to anyway, but I admit I've been guilty of it in the past.

    Good luck in 2012!!
    2174 days ago
    They said on the news that there was a poll done that indicated drivers think they are safe texters and drivers, but other drivers who text and drive are idiots. I found that to be funny - and accurate. lol

    I will work hard to not use my phone while driving. I have the thought all the time that I'd be taking away someone's mom or dad (thinking from my kids' point of view) if I were to screw up.

    My phone has this neat feature where I can speak my text into the phone, but it screws up all the time so I find myself having to double check it before sending it so I don't send gibberish to my recipient.

    So for my kids, I will try my dangest to remember that I told you I would avoid texting while driving. :)
    2174 days ago
  • KRISTEN282
    I'm with you on the texting. My boyfriend's father was hit by a texting driver and killed last year. Don't do it, people!!

    Good luck with your goals!! One of my goals is to run the 1/2 marathon in Vegas next year too, so maybe I'll see you there :)
    2174 days ago
    Thanks for sharing your personal story -- I always appreciate your candor and zest! Oh, and sense of humor. Despite your setbacks in December, you are and will always be an inspiration to me. Great job, girl! Keep on going!
    2174 days ago
    My husband forced the seatbelt/no texting rule on me last year after he worked 3 fatalities in a matter of weeks because teenagers were texting and/or not wearing a seatbelt. He tells my family to be responsible. Care about yourself and others. A vehicle is a very large weapon when not operated safely.

    You are such a motivated and motivating person. I know you can and will reach your 2012 goals. I'm so happy for all you have accomplished in 2011 and my heart breaks that you had such a rough December. But it is a new year and you can do this!

    2174 days ago
    a great start to 2012 . emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2174 days ago
    I love your goal of losing 100 pounds in 2012! You can do it. That is two pounds a week, or 8 pounds a month.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2174 days ago
    My car has been hit from behind twice whilst I was waiting at traffic lights by women who were texting whilst driving. Made me livid! Thats 2 separate occasions thats happened!!! I now don't even answer my mobile phone if it rings whilst I'm driving. Its great that you are spreading the don't text and drive message. As for my resolutions for 2012, its simply to lose weight. It didnt happen for me last year so I'm looking for this to be the year it happens. I will make it happen! I don't want to get all complicated and make too many resolutions - just one I can stick with. Best of luck with your resolutions and getting into the 100's this year.
    2174 days ago
    I love your blogs so much. Here's to a great 2012!!! I'm glad you are back on track- I have a feeling your going to smash all your goals this year.
    2174 days ago
    I'm sorry to hear December was such a downer for you. I lost all steam toward the second half of November and just sort of coasted to the end of the year, so my goals for 2012 are at least 1,000 fitness minutes/month, log 500 miles running, eliminate processed sugar from my diet, and get out of debt. (Those are the big ones, I have a longer list somewhere--I love lists).
    2174 days ago
    I love how honest your blogs are. Great goals, and I know you'll crush them this year!
    2174 days ago
  • ALOFA0509

    Love,Love your blogs!! I spit up my coffee whenever I read your stuff.. I want to fit into my Spanks and not look and feel like a Bratwurst Sausage-- Cheers emoticon
    2174 days ago
    So good to see you back! Life just got in the way for you this past December but it's time for YOU to get in its way! I wish you good luck with all your goals in 2012.
    I never text and drive because I simply don't have a car! But when I see people with one hand on the wheel and the other on the texting keyboard and with one eye on the road and the other on the screen (if that could ever be possible!) it makes me really mad! So, I'm with you on this!
    Have a wonderful day!
    2174 days ago
    surviving December and starting anew sounds like a really major accomplishment. the endurance and speed will return (but i totally understand: the reason i don't skip workouts is because the next one will be harder ... or too hard).
    my goals: cross-train more, getting a running coach to learn to run better, maintain!!, learn to say no to work, wear my hearing aids more.

    2174 days ago
    It is so good to see you blogging again. Your humor is wonderful even in the face of a bummer month, how healthy! December is over! Onward and Upward as you already are. It will be no time before you are back to where you were. It is great to know how painful bad eating is though. I am grateful every time I have those reminders that I actually used to live like this and that helps me see how far I've come. To a new Year!! emoticon
    2174 days ago
    Thank you for being honest. Thank you for keeping it real. Thank you for sharing your witty charm with the world. You have a gift, please continue to share it. I'm a raving fan already!

    I love your distinction between goals and resolutions. The text n' drive thing - I am so totally in. I am spreading the word to friends and family too.

    Keep up fresh start and staying on plan. We'll be cheering you on. I can't wait for you to blow past your One Zero Zero mark.

    Namaste my fellow yogi. emoticon
    2174 days ago
  • LILLI56
    Jenn, I am so sorry your december stunk. I gained 5 lbs between Thanksgiving and New Years, and I have been beating myself up about it. I still haven't gotten all my good exercise back up to par since it is so cold outside, and I get so bored with the treadmill. I still loved my gazelle but house space is cramped right now with 3 grown kids back at home due to the economy. My exercise room has become a bedroom, and my laundry room isn't big enough to keep everything set up and when it isn't set up. I don't.

    Glad you are back!
    2174 days ago
  • SHEILA8383
    Sorry to hear about your December and it being so tough. Glad to see that you are back on the track with your journey.

    2174 days ago
  • MSCR59
    So candid and raw. Loved your blog. Thanks for sharing the real you, and the real world we all face every day... Good luck in all that you do and thanks for being you and sharing yourself with rest of us...

    2174 days ago
  • GOIN4GR8
    Gosh, Jenn--I'm SO sorry to hear your December was so tough. That was enough to make anyone stress-eat.

    I'm glad you're back, cuz I'm getting on here every day now for inspiration, and you often provide a lot of that for me! :-) Your writing is always entertaining. Wish I could write half as well.

    Have a great week. emoticon

    (Oh, and p.s.--I really phucked up the pforty. emoticon )
    2174 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/4/2012 11:33:04 PM
    Damn girl and I thought I had a bad month!! My secret goal is to be down 20 pounds by march 10 my 2 year sparversary. My other goals are to mix up my exercise regimen ( made my kids clear out our weight bench are in preparation), eat like a normal person not a fat kid with cake and finish what I set out to do...lose 111 total pounds. We can do it. December is gone. We made progress from last year and by nexrpt December we are gonna be so proud of ourselves.... lets do it. No, lets really do it!
    2174 days ago
    Jenn, you're awesome. You'll be bouncing back in no time because you have the foundation and determination to do so. I believe in you!
    My goals are more attitude changers than physical ones. I'm keeping a gratitude journal, to focus on what I have, not what I lack. I'm like most folks who constantly are unsatisfied with what I've done, what I look like, how I've handled something blah, blah, blah. I'm determined to rewire my brain. I need to be my own greatest advocate. Healthy mind = healthy me. emoticon
    By the way, I'm Wilma Flintstone - I don't text, EVER.
    2174 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/4/2012 10:57:00 PM
  • ERINBEAR1876
    Yeah, I actually turn my cell off or to silent when in my car. I know how distracted I can be, especially with my phone. I don't talk on the phone much less text!!! So, I guess I am with you on that!

    December can suck it. You had it harder than most, and 12 pounds is NOTHING when you have had a month like that. I gained near 20 and my month was 1/4 as stressful as yours.

    Oh, and your fitness level? That will bounce back. You just need to keep at it for a little bit and you'll be back to where you were in no time.

    Great blog, great goals, and OMG at those poses!!! Especially the first one. Holy moly.
    2174 days ago
    Jenn, you will get back your fitness levels soon. I've had 7 kickboxing classes and already see progress. Last night a teacher told me I had great front kicks and today someone told me I was like a machine out there punching the bag. I'm still the slowest runner in any class, but I see progress each time. And the kickboxing reminds me that women can be strong, powerful, and decisive. I've lost some of my running speed, too, and I'm going to have to fight to get it back and then push on forward.

    I am finding it helps to set goals I can reach, to spell out in detail how I will reach that goal, and also make sure it is something I can measure. How will I know when I have reached that goal, whatever it is.

    We can all make 2012 our year! I read an article today that said that the Mayan calendar didn't spell out the end of the world in December 2012, but a new beginning. I like that.

    (Also I never text and drive, use the cell phone and drive. And I now try to make sure I'm not on the phone with someone who is on the cell phone while driving.)

    emoticon emoticon
    2174 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/4/2012 10:29:25 PM
  • HARLOW10
    I don't text and drive. Ever.

    My major goals for the year is to keep the 25 pounds off I lost last year, and lose 50 this year and keep it off. And to finish my last semester of massage school in May, finish oncology massage training, all w/o having a nervous breakdown. Seriously. My behind is dragging.
    2174 days ago
    Thanks for the shout out for the challenge. One word of warning? You may need new shoes. I've gone down a half a shoe size since I lost about 60lbs... Feet get less fat, too. No one warned me.
    2174 days ago
    I'm glad you are back. I'm sorry December was so icky. It is hard to cope when someone you love is so ill.

    I don't know how to text and drive. It's a good day when I can walk and chew gum at the same time. If I see someone texting and driving, I promise to slap the phone out of their hands.

    Run five 5Ks in the Will Run for Beer series. Already did the 1st Run on January 1. (

    Fit into the dress I got married in by my 25th wedding anniversary in November (47 pounds to go.)

    Survive the swimming lessons my husband convinced me to sign up for. He thinks cross training is good for my running and I believed him. Now I know he is trying to kill me off.
    2174 days ago
    You can do it girl!! Those are great goals. I never text and drive, I agree with 100%, no text is worth dying or killing someone for.

    I can't wait to see what you can achieve!
    2174 days ago
    December is over. You will be back in your running swimming yogaing shape in no time. promise!
    And I promise not to text. for real.
    2174 days ago
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