Tuesday, January 03, 2012
Towards the end of 2011 one of my friends posted on Facebook that she was going to be doing a Scrapbooking class/project that had them pick one word to focus on for the year. I thought this sounded really good so, even though I can't afford to join the class and do the scrapbooking, I picked out my One Word for the year too. I thought about picking something like Health, since I've been working on that a lot this past year and want to continue. I thought about years ago when I decided my personal mantra would be "Follow Your Peace," and I worked on letting go of trying to do everything others wanted of me and do more of what led me to feel at peace with myself instead. I decided I want to Reclaim my life. I've been feeling frustrated and depressed lately in general and I know part of that is my fatigue wiping me out. Even though my pain levels are MUCH better with the new medicine treating my colon, my fibro pains still get to me sometimes. Part of me was SO EXCITED to have such a huge reduction in pain, I thought I could jump back into LIFE and get to live EVERY DAY and then WHAM the fatigue caught up and I slept through most of a week or two and felt very deeply sad that I didn't have the energy to take advantage of the window of opportunity peeking through the pain like light through the clouds.
December was rough for me. I tried to maintain the house and myself but I wasn't getting to do my walking exercise like I had been and that depressed me. I wasn't getting to keep my hair washed and that depressed me. All the little things that really BOTHER me about the apartment kept jumping out at me causing aggravation every time I saw them and didn't have the strength to DO anything about it. The overflowing cans for recycling in the pantry bothered me. The big garbage bag of more cans sitting on a chair in my dining room REALLY bothered me! Stuff piling up all over the kitchen counters was bothering me. The fact that the dishwasher was full of clean dishes I couldn't put away bothered me. Knowing that if the clean dishes were already put away I COULD handle putting the dirty dishes in the dishwasher just made me feel helpless and STUCK. I know there are a lot of things that have been let go because I didn't deal with them. Sometimes I think that hubby just isn't bothered by them or is used to tuning them out and I'm all alone in feeling the house piling up around me. A lot of things seemed like "it's not OK but there it is so that's the way it's going to be."
So I'm going to Reclaim my life this year, every time I DO have energy and "oomph" and not let things like the energy coming for me at inopportune times stop me like it has before. I'm looking around and targeting the things that BUG me the most and working on them first. So far I have gotten a LOT of help from hubby, he was the one who washed the sheets and put them back on the bed, though I had to turn the top sheet right side up because my OCD wasn't going to let me sleep peacefully with the top of the sheet at the foot of the bed. He was the one who vacuumed when I asked him to, and he's done a LOT of work in the kitchen washing the pots and pans AND putting them away instead of leaving them in the drainboard in a huge teetering pile to daunt me when it's time to pull out a pan Jenga style.
I was able to do my walking down the hall for 46 minutes yesterday, and hubby and I both brushed our teeth before bedtime for the second day in a row, working on making that a habit in our night time routine. I wasn't able to sleep and had energy so I decided to get started on Reclaiming our computer room closet at 1am! And it was a lot easier than I thought it would be. I ended up with eight empty boxes, and areas in the bookshelves designated for crafts, art supplies, photos and papers for scrapbooking, and put my lion bookends to work AS bookends holding the books up too. The big plan is to get papers and files and letters boxed away in the master bedroom closet, and move the boxes of decorations into the computer room closet so I can get to them and use them. I want to give away the old computer monitor and tower after making sure all our data is out of the hard drive in the tower. I want to give away my old VCR and our old DVD player. I think it's time to let go of all the little boxes that computer parts and small electronics have come in over the years, I had no idea we had so many piled up and tucked away in there! By 4am I'd cleared most of one side of the closet and by 5am I Reclaimed the bed, computer chairs, my desk, and the sidetable to put the room back to working order. Hubby's desk has the bag of mail he stashed away in the closet that needs to be sorted and mostly thrown out.
Between my hoarding tendencies with emotional attachment to things, and his stashing away and then never getting around to it strategy, there's a lot we need to face but it's not so bad one box at a time. Some things have made me wonder HOW that happened, like the box labeled keepsakes and mementos that had random old laundry in it. O-o Today I Reclaimed my dining room, moved the table to have more room and put the extension out on one side so it's easy to sit down to a meal now. I'm not sure if I should try writing a list of things to work on or not, in the past The Things To Do List has been a frustration. So maybe I should just work on things as they jump out at me, whenever the energy is there.