Tuesday, January 03, 2012
I feel like I've finally had enough. I've had enough chocolate, enough ice cream, enough cookies, enough potato chips, enough fast food, and enough pies and cakes. I've been in a complete and total haze of eating whatever and whenever I want for the past year. I found out I was pregnant Jan 4, 2011, and the eating hasn't stopped since then. Over the weekend, I actually told my husband that I'm sick of eating the way I have been I'm tired of feeling nauseous because of all of the sugar flowing through my body. I haven't had a piece of fruit or a vegetable in what seems like months. And in all actuality, it probably HAS been months. Unless of course, you would categorize chocolate covered cherries or raspberry creme filled chocolates a fruit....no? Right. I'm even tired of listening to my own excuses as to why I haven't returned to the once healthy lifestyle I had been living.
So, today, I say "Here I go again". It's a new year, it's a fresh start, and in a lot of ways, it's the beginning of me learning more about myself and rediscovering who I am again. In the past year, I've learned that I'm not the person I thought I was in many ways. This is not a bad thing. Actually, this is a good thing. I've learned that I'm much stronger, much more loving, and much more capable than I ever knew. I also learned that I allow anxiety and fear to paralyze me, which is something I need to work on. I have a lot of "New Years Resolutions" on a list for the year. I want to work on being more patient...with myself and with others. I want to start eliminating some negative influences and relationships in my life. I want to strive to communicate with my husband better. And of course, I want to get back to living a healthy and active life again. A goal inside of that is also to not be as rigid with eating as I had been in the past. I want to be healthy, but not neurotic. I want to find that healthy balance. I want to be able to eat a piece of cake occasionally and it not feel like I've thrown out the entire day. I don't want to focus on a number on the scale. I want to eat healthy and be active so that I can feel alert, energetic, and strong.
I don't know what this year will bring, but I do know that I am going to try to make it a year of self exploration and a return to health. I am not happy with the stats that I'm starting with, but I also know that I'm tired of trying to hide it. Trying to hide it, has just kept me in a state of denial and procrastination. I know I've returned to the category of "obese". Man, I hate that word. But, it's the start. I'm going to try to not let that number define me like it has so many times in the past, But I do feel it's effects. I don't like feeling tired, run down, nauseated, bloated, and sick to the stomach all of the time.
So here's to my start.
Jan 3, 2012
I'm excited to see how this year unfolds. I'm excited to peel back the old layers and discover the new ones. I have a feeling this will be a wonderful and memorable year. Bring it on 2012, I'm ready for the challenge...finally.