Monday, January 02, 2012
Well I made it through Jan 1, without doing to much damage to the strides I had made the previous week. I am very happy about that. No beating myself up over a very yummy chocolate brownie, ( it really was good) and 10 home made hot wings. My normal pace would have been to eat the entire brownie ( I mean the whole 8x8 pan full) and about 30 hot wings so I feel it was a good day. This is a new beginning and I am starting it out with a new theme; a theme that I don't use often in my life.
The theme for this year is LOVE! Yes Love, now don't get me wrong, I am a very loving person. I love my family, I love my pets, I love my friends, I love the area where my sister lives and sometimes I love my job. The area where I am not so loving is myself. I am almost always mean, nasty, viscous, rude and abusive to myself. I expect way more of myself then I do anyone I know or meet. I verbally abuse myself when I don't meet my own expectations. I continually punish myself for real or imagined crimes. I don't need any enemies, I am my own worst enemy. Over this holiday I sat down to try to figure out exactly why this is. Research I have read says we often hear the voices of the past in our heads. These are the voices that insulted, hurt or criticized us while we were growing up. When we commit any infraction of our real or imagined code of conduct these voices kick in loud and clear to tell us we screwed up. I used to think that voice was an old parental voice, or perhaps the kids at school who hurt and insulted me, then I thought perhaps it was the voice of my very critical ex-husband; now I realize it doesn't matter whose voice it is because it is wrong. Ok, I admit, when I was a child the choices I made in my life were those my parents insisted I make. At school I did what was expected of me by the adults in my class. When I married I caved in and became a shadow because my husband wanted a quiet southern girl, but now I am single and mature enough to realize that those voices of the past only have the power I give them. As Eleanor Roosevelt once said " No one can make you feel inferior without your permission. " I am taking back any permission I gave that allowed me to be hurt, insulted, belittled, made to feel stupid, weak, lazy or inferior. I am an adult and the responsibility for my life is completely in my hands, as is what goes into my mouth and body. 2012 is the year where I once again take back my power and become responsible for my own actions, thoughts , words and beliefs.
2012 is the year I will stop treating myself like a person who doesn't matter to anyone, because I matter, to my friends, family, patients, pets and above all to myself.
So this is my second day of this new beginning. The day I start loving myself.
Join me for the new year; Practice Self Love....