A bit Scared and Very Frustrated
Friday, December 30, 2011
Ugh... I got the lab results from my last doctors appointment. Every year in addition to the standard pap and stuff, she checks cholesterol. This time (non-fasting) the goodnwas low and the bad was high... Also, my blood pressure has started being elevated again. I am exercising five days a week most weeks doing the exercises my physical therapist has told me to do so I can get to a point that I can work out more aggressively. Right now I do a variety of strength exercises as well as fifteen minutes on the NuStep which is a recumbant cross trainer.
I have already had a stroke. I do not want to have a heart attack too or another stroke. I really have not had the support at home that I need. I try to buy healthy stuff, but no one else eats it and then we just get lazy. I still eat like crap an know better. I know what I am doing most of the time. I tell myself as I am walking to get more food or a late night snack I dont really need, that I dont need it and shouldnt be doing it, and yet I do it anyway. What the hell is wrong with me???? I am just like my aunt. We are addicted to food. It might be easier if we didnt need to eat to live.
I told my husband tonight that I dont feel like I get any support here at home and that I need his help. I told him that I want him to start eating better and working out too. He said he would... I just hope he does and helps hold me more accountable. Maybe by doing this together my daughter will get into better shape too and my son will grow up to be a strong healthy boy. As scared as I am for myself, I am just as if not more scared for my family. You would think that would be enough to help me make the changes... I was doing really well T it for awhile, but then I fell off the wagon so to speak and went right back to the old habits. Eating like crap, and way too much of it... Ugh!!!
We are visiting the in-laws this weekend. I asked my husband to please pack up the exercise mat and three pound weights so I can maybe do something this weekend. I am hoping my husband can be the annoying pain in the butt he usually is in the way I need most. SparkPeople is great, and I have met awesome motivators here, but I still need more daily butt kicking to stay on track. It is too easy to not want to turn on the computer at night when I have worked all day... I already have the app on my phone, but that is just to track simple foods and exercise. Any suggestions would be much appreciated...