But probably not the kind you were thinking . . .

I can feel myself sliding down the slope of apathy and I hate it! Where has my motivation gone? Why is that elliptical looking at me like its trying to kill me? Did I seriously just have three pieces of fudge for dinner? There is no way I am ever going to get things under control again! I am a failure!

That my friend was a pity party. Those are real thoughts and feelings straight from my brain to your eyes, with a stop at my mouth. Now its time to clean up after the party. Throw away the old used silverware and paper plates (bad foods) because they are useless to me now, load the dishwasher (add motivation) while I mull over how the party went (all the bad decisions I’ve made over the past week or so) and realize it wasn’t as much fun as I thought. Makes me feel like I was eight years old again and was caught with chalk in my hand and drawings on the wall.

Translation: I had a rough few weeks and am feeling a little low. I am down but not out. Oh, I am seriously over the “holidays” and miss the routine, but it wasn’t fatal and I am still listening to the thin girl inside me crying for a chance to live.

If anyone has some words of encouragement I welcome them. I’m reading Spark articles and blogs like crazy, reviewing my motivational page and telling the ones closest to me I feel this way (that’s you Spark friends!) so I know I’ll make it in the long run but the next few weeks are going to me a make or break