Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Well it has been a few days since my last blog. A lot has happened since then. Where should I even start?
My parents got here Friday night. That was nice. It was funny seeing their reaction to the size of the house we live in. :-)
Friday my friends stomach also started hurting. I was hoping it would disappear but it has gotten worse. She is being treated for it now. But the same day her stomach problems got worse my anxiety got worse as well. I have been taking medication for my anxiety for a few weeks now. Been taking it every night faithfully. Well it didn't really help much this past weekend.
My kids had a fabulous Christmas! Santa brought them everything they wanted! I loved seeing the smiles on their faces! But Sunday evening my anxiety got a bit bad. I don't know why really. All of a sudden I just started panicking for no reason. I had some stuff on my mind actually. Then called my friend up and realized her stomach problems had gotten worse. So there I was having a panic attack, tingling all over, shaking, not able to walk or stand up straight and not able to move my fingers they were so stiff. Heavy breathing, hardly able to breath. Tears running down my face. My mind going a million miles a minute thinking, over thinking things. It was horrible! And there was my friend seriously ill to her stomach. Weird.
I went to the Dr. today to get my medication dosage increased. It got doubled now. Yay me! And I also got a prescription for xanax. Only to be used when I need it the most. I'm hoping with the double dosage of anxiety meds I won't need it so much. I had to take one today though because my anxiety has been over the top. So much that I keep fearing for my friends health. Keep thinking I'm going to lose her and I can't have that happen!
Now, after being on xanax for a little while I realize I'm just being silly and my friend will be fine in time. I am way too worried and need to relax. Needless to say I am looking forward to bed time. :)
My food of today has been a protein shake for breakfast, a bunch of chex mix for lunch, a piece of sweet bread (cake) for a snack, more chex mix and right now I just had chicken salad, a tortilla and a greek salad (small portion) with olives and cabbage. From the deli at a store. Didn't feel like cooking today. I'm glad I didn't either. When my heart isn't into cooking, my food doesn't turn out all that well.
So yeah horrible Christmas but good in other ways. Horrible because of my full blown anxiety attack. I do NOT want that to happen to me again. I know it might though. Nothing seems real, or it does at the time but deep down inside I know it's not true. I over think things.
I just want to feel normal again.
I am actually going to be going to therapy. I'm going to give it a try anyway. I think it will help. I hope it does anyway. I'm ready to feel like me again. I'm ready to start getting rid of the rest of my fat around my belly and thighs :)
Speaking of fat. I think I have gained five pounds. I have been exercising somewhat for the past week but I think I have gained a few pounds. Not sure if they are fat pounds or muscle. I guess I'll find out soon enough. Trainer will be measuring me. Oh well. I'll get back on track. It will take me some baby steps again but I remember how to get back definitely.
Going to get some rest now. :)