Thursday, December 22, 2011
So... this is my first blog entry. Not that I want to start things off on a sour note, but I never really felt compelled to write here until my recent experiences. Basically, I am on such a downer right now.
I'm really trying to buckle down and get this weight loss stuff done. It's been about 2 years that I've felt uncomfortable with my body. But I know if I just put the pedal to the metal I can knock out all that fat and get where I need to be probably in 3 months time. I've been on this roller coaster of utilizing sparkpeople and being really diligent about my diet and exercise. I see results almost instantly, then give up and gain it all back by being careless with my diet and not exercising. However...
My living situation is far from ideal for this weight loss stuff. I live with my boyfriend and my (male) roommate. They are your typical 20-something guys that eat what they want whenever they want. Most often we socialize by going out to bars or drinking at the house. Which, of course, is not conducive to my weight loss.
Now, my boyfriend is only 25% of the problem. He is absolutely amazing as a fitness motivator. He's always down to go to the gym with me, and offers tips and new exercises I haven't tried. When I REALLY don't feel like going, he'll remind me that I'm paying for a membership, and I need to at least show up. Once I get my foot in the door, I end up having a good workout! But, alas, he's trying to GAIN weight and always wants to eat after the gym. So, when I'm at my weakest, I have to try my hardest to not order anything at the taco bell window.
My roomie, who is the huge problem, is driving me absolutely batty. This kid is so unhealthy. He smokes, drinks daily, and pays little regard to his eating habits. He's not fat by any means, but he's..soft. Anyway, I've made it VERY clear to the household that I've identified the old habits as pitfalls and am doing my best to abstain. Right after I mentioned this he offered me a beer. Monday I came home from work at 7, and he had made tacos for dinner. It was a really nice gesture, and we usually ate dinner together before I got serious about losing weight, but I had other plans for a healthy dinner. I politely declined, said I was going to grab a snack and then head to the gym. He got mad at me because he would've eaten earlier if he hadn't been waiting for me to get home.
Let's take a look at today... I get home from a 4 mile hike (in the rain--it was muddy and awesome!) as he's leaving for the grocery store. He invites me, but I'm hungry and I don't want to be in that environment so I decline. About an hour later he comes home, and goes through his bags, showing me all the junk food he got, "Carolina BBQ potato chips! Want one?" I decline once more. He then offers me a beer, and I'm so tired, cranky, and craving sweets that I snap "NO!" and run upstairs to be alone in my room.
Why is he trying to tempt me so hard? I've said so many times that I wish he wouldn't offer me things I can't have. The last time he tried to quit smoking, I didn't light up right in front of him! I encouraged him to get the gum, I gave him support. That's all I really want from him, and I keep asking, but it's falling on dead ears.
I feel like the only way I can get this done is to isolate myself. Sometimes I feel so drained from working out... I'm sore, I'm tired, I'm hungry but I already ate all my calories for the day. It's so hard to say no to cheese pizza. I really DO want that beer, so I can hang out with everyone else. The way that feel after I fail -- yet again -- to eat within my calorie range is so depressing, and it's like no one cares if I feel that way.
Well.. I better run. I have to chin up, and ward off the aromas from the bag of burritos my bf just brought home, and the mac n cheese with hot dogs my roommates cooking.