Thursday, December 22, 2011
Ok, let’s talk Space Coast in Cocoa, Florida. This one was meant to be, I think. It just so happened that while we were in Florida for our 4 Generation Griswold Family Vacation in Disney World, the 40th Annual Space Coast Marathon would be occurring a short drive away. After we worked out the logistics (thank you Driver Jim and the car rental place), it was official. We would sacrifice a morning with the Family to drive over too Cocoa for the early morning start, run the Half, and be back in the Parks by lunchtime! It was early when we departed. It was dark. I slept the whole way there. I understand why Florida starts there races early cuz I was WARM! LOL. Of course it was about 30 degrees warmer in the pre-dawn morning than what I was used to running in back home, so it was only going to get worse. It was SO worth it. It was humid, but the course was beautiful. I had never run in Sea Spray before so that was interesting. It stayed overcast, but I was thankful for that. On the second half the water stations were used more to douse myself in cups of water than to drink them! I think that if the opportunity ever presented itself in the way it did this year then I would definitely do this one again. It was the first BIG Half Fanatics Picture I was in, I met a lot of people for the first time, and it was so pretty! And most of all, it fell on the 13th Anniversary of my D-Day: the day I got my MS diagnosis. I ran 1 mile for every year I have lived with that Day, and .1 for good luck. It was emotional for me, and while the medal is GORGEOUS, it has so much more meaning to me than another race finished. I wasn’t supposed to be this… I wasn’t supposed to have this. I was “sick.” I DO have this. I DID run 7 HMs in 6 months. It isn’t about what you are supposed to or what you are supposed to have. It’s about what you create for yourself. I spent a lot of time hiding from the world because I thought I was ‘sick’ or ‘broken.’ I’m not broken. I have cracks, sure, and some are deeper than others and I work every day to hold myself together. Some days are harder than others, but on days like that I have days like Space Coast that remind me that I am strong. Look at what I have DONE! I can hold these pieces in place or I can move them around to create a stronger me. It is all in my control. Lately, I have been living a life of ‘Woe is Me.” I have been letting everything that has gone wrong, pile up and bury me under a pile of self-imposed misery and sugar binges, and as I write this race report, and I reflect on the feelings that I had during this race… I think I am ready to embrace that person again. The one who knows she is strong, who takes care of herself, and her family. I am tired of being this person who is living her life on the verge of tears just waiting for the next thing to go wrong. I can’t sit here and preach how you should take control of your life, and all the amazing things you can do, and have faith in yourself and know that you are worth the effort…. I can’t say all those things and not feel like a fraud, if I don’t stand up and take my own advice. I can’t be the person I want to be. I can’t be the inspiration that people see in me. I can’t take care of myself if I keep denying that there is something deeper going on, and DO something about it. I WANT to. I have to admit that, and there is strength in that too. I guess this race report became a lot less about the race as it went on, but it did help. So enough with the heavy emotional stuff, as I had intended that for something else, but when my brain needs to get rid of it, writing is usually how it happens and BRING ON THE PICTURES!!