Thursday, December 22, 2011
Solstice at last. And end to the ever increasing darkness and the beginning of more light!
I have not felt much joy for months. Just slogging along, procrastinating, not enjoying most of what I do, including exercise. It no longer felt enjoyable. I dreaded doing it and never clicked in to "the runner's high". At best, I felt a dull relief at the end that I'd finally got it done.
This morning something changed. I turned my run into a loop with a Big Hill. Well, big to me... about half a mile and 170'. The hill defeated me; I had to walk the last third. A rapid walk, I'll give myself that, but a walk nonetheless.
And I'm glad! Instead of negativity and gloom, I feel happy to have a goal. Something that is challenging.... for me.... to chip away at. I feel hopeful about my ability to acheive my goal. I imagine how excellent it will feel on that day, not too far away, when I run my entire six mile path, including that hill.
One day just miserably getting by; the next day a spark.
I don't know why my attitude has shifted. I'm just deeply grateful it has. Maybe it's because yesterday evening I lit the first Chanukah candle and sat next to it in the dark, watching it leap and glow and meditating on the intention I'd chosen for it. When the candles flickered and went out in the world it felt like they were still burning in my heart.
It's a miracle when perceptions shift.
Thank you for the LIght.