These are classified ads, which were actually placed in a U.K. newspaper:



FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old.
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!


FREE PUPPIES.
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.


FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.


COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.


JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.


WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.


**** And the WINNER is... ****

FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.



Statement of the Century
Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker...

Billy Connolly -
"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"





Mary Anne