Saturday, December 17, 2011
I'm so disappointed in myself (and angry)! I did exactly what I said I wouldn't do. I let him (my husband) get to me... and I ate. He irritates me so much! Eating seems to be the only thing that makes me feel better.
I swore this time, I wasn't going to let him do that to me. This time I was going to stand strong and let his attitude roll off my back. But... I didn't! As soon as he pissed me off... I waited until he went to our bedroom (as I slept on the couch last night) and I grabbed a handful of chocolate chips! A little later, I ate a cup of whale crackers... and about an hour or two after that, another cup of whale crackers! At the time, I didn't care.... it just felt good to eat something.
I HATE that someone has this kind of power over me.... that I'm too weak to make a stand. I know that a marriage shouldn't be this way... but mine is! There's only so much I can do at this point in my life... I'm sort of stuck between a rock and a hard place. I would like nothing more than for my husband to be kind and caring... and to actually love & support me... but I NEVER see that happening. He is one of those who has no faults (so he thinks).
Somehow... I have to remember that I'm doing this for ME! And that every time I allow him to get to me... I'm taking another piece away... I'm taking a step back. I don't like being weak (in mind)... I want desperately to lose this weight... but HOW do I keep him from getting under my skin???
I plan to work out extra hard today... If it hadn't had been so late at night last night, I would have jumped on my treadmill to relieve some of the stress... but my treadmill is old and it's not the quietest thing in the world... it would have surely woken someone up!!
Today... I'm going to desperately try to stick to my plan... keep tracking my fitness and nutrition and focus on ME, ME, ME!!!