Friday, December 16, 2011
I'm stuck in a rut. I've been on a plateau pretty much since August. I've lost a little since then, but I've slipped into a mode of maintaining, not losing. I know it happens and I know that I need to continue eating right, exercising, and maybe change things up a little in my fitness routine and I can still reach my goal.
But I've felt this sense of panic creeping in over the last few weeks. There are a couple of reasons for this. First, my birthday is Monday. When I first started losing weight seriously back in January, my "stretch" goal was to hit 130 lb by my birthday. I knew then that it was unlikely but doable. Until I hit the plateau. Now, I'm not even going to be at 150 by then. Close, but so far.
The second reason is the horrible week I've had nutritionally. I had to go out of town for work. I know it's not an excuse, because there are always healthy choices to make. But it is so HARD! Here I am in a small West Texas town working in a remote location. Breakfast and lunch really have to be portable meals that require no preparation or refrigeration. I try to go the fruit route as much as I can. But then you get into the issue of selection. There are 2 grocery stores in town, and neither has a large variety of produce. And it is a lot more expensive there than I am used to seeing in my normal grocery store.
Dinner is a lot less valid excuse. After working a 12+ hour shift and then driving the 45 minutes back to town I am flat exhausted. And lonely since I'm so far away from my family. And depressed because I am so new to the job and don't really have a clue what I am doing. So I crave comfort food. So I gave in, eating way too much fast food. At least my hotel room had a microwave so the fast food can be switched with a TV dinner....
Anyway, I got lucky this time. All of the extra walking, stair climbing, ladder climbing, etc. counteracted my increased calorie intake and I'm not heavier this week. Which is good.
But, this isn't the last trip. Unfortunately, this is the project that never ends, and there are countless other trips in my future. It scares me and depresses me at the same time. I would give anything to get into a job that requires no travel.
So today I am going to eat right and run. And try to feel like myself again. And continue to pray that I can keep on fighting to reach my goals and not give in to the hunger, exhaustion, and depression that is threatening to undo a year's worth of blood, sweat, and tears.
I'll take it one day at a time, and hopefully one of these days I'll look back and see the end of this seemingly endless plateau and feel so proud of myself for not giving up.