This is a photo of my hips (With my jeans on, I don't have an internal zipper lol). I have mentioned before I am limited to what I can do based on my previous hip break when I was 10. A growth plate slipped and severed the ball portion of my hip joint almost completely off. A screw/pin was the solution. Well, it's been 17 years since then (almost exactly) and my age and weight is officially a bad combination. There is no surgery they will do at my weight (which is only one, they won't do a hip replacement on a 20 something unless it's medically necessary.. it's not in my case).
The left hip is the one with the pin. The ball portion of the joint isn't actually a ball like the right one. It's more of a bean/oval shape and enlarged. It's deformed because when it broke I was still growing. It just grew that way. Basically because of that it doesn't rotate in the socket like a normal hip would and because I'm heavier and getting older it's now officially causing me pain. Since late this summer it has been popping in and out of socket and left me wondering if it had been broken or fractured or maybe even the pin was coming out somehow. It's none of those. The weight baring on that misshapen joint is causing it to pop in and out and rotate even harsher than before. Because of this I can't participate in normal fitness anymore. I'm no longer supposed to even use regular walking as fitness now. Instead they want me doing strictly water aerobics and stationary bicycling. I don't have a stationary one. It took us 6 months just to be able to afford a down payment for a new van (which I love, we got it yesterday) and even then we had to borrow money to do that! Not to mention my dog needs ear surgery on both ears equal to $3000! So I am hoping to find someone giving away a nice stationary that will support me soon. Because it hurts and I'm scared.
Ironic that I say I'm truly scared now when the death of my parents wasn't quite enough. I'm also beginning to think my blogs are a little bipolar. I'm clearly struggling and recognize it, but keep giving up. I think if anything... this is enough now. I've also noticed that my back is getting bad... my posture etc. from carrying so much in the front.
I'm going to attend a seminar for WLS again. I'm leaning more towards this now because of the situation and the immediate need for loss. At least this will give me 6 months to fully decide if I should or can go through with it. I'm also hoping that if I go my insurance will consider my hip issue in making their decision for coverage. I hate that it's at this point, but walking is now painful. I'm going to be 27 and using a CANE until then. I find it hard to believe that just 2 years ago I was working out 5-6 days a week.. and hard. Now I have issues going up the stairs because of the pain/popping. I don't want to do that anymore.
So back to the main topic, the hip. The Ortho surgeon said that there is a surgery they can do, but he doesn't recommend it. You'll notice on the picture that there are 3 lines through my pelvic bone near my left hip (the hip marked L at the top of the photo). This surgery would break my pelvic bone in those 3 places in order to shift my hip joint to fit the deformed ball joint. However even if he did recommend it, they won't even SEE me while I'm this weight. It's too difficult and recovery would be insane because of how much weight will be on it. THAT is scary. Also hurtful emotionally. I knew they were going to mention my weight. They were super nice so I can't say they had bedside manner.. it was just the truth. And like everyone says sometimes the truth hurts. Emotionally and physically. When you think you don't need someone else to say it, because you already know, you do. Sometimes you just need to hear it from someone elses mouth to motivate you.
I really wish there were people close by that would be willing to do this with me, but as I'm limited that's really all there is. I joined WW's again this summer and it was so uncomfortable because I just felt like I didn't belong. I want to belong, but I just feel like even though I reach out, no one is there to take my hand.
So I need to be very serious now and restart my journey. I am going on vacation come this Thursday so I will try my best to eat wisely and be careful in my movement. :)
Waiting to hear everyones thoughts and suggestions!