Tuesday, December 13, 2011
I have been thinking a lot about why I have kept my weight for so long. Today, I verbalized the reasons for the first time. These reasons have been bouncing around in my head for a long time. When I said them out loud today, they finally became real.
I'm facing the truth that I had buried for so long. Part of my healthy life transformation includes getting to the center of the emotions that have helped me to stay fat. Today I am facing the fear, hurt, learned behavior, sorrow, fear, fear, and fear. My cigarette crutch is gone,my drinking to excess is gone, my emotional eating is gone, my excuses for not exercising are gone. What is left is me dealing with my darkness. This is the painful stuff, that I've suppressed and kept hidden, that I've tried to evade and not deal with. It's all out in the open, exposed to the light. This is so that I can truly transform. It is challenging and uncomfortable, but very necessary.