Wednesday, December 07, 2011
I recently, after about 5 weeks of MOSTly consistent eating habits and good exercise, lost 5-7 pounds and 1 full inch off my waist. In the past 7 days (give or take) I THINK I have all but erased that progress. Is that possible? Without bingeing? Can someone eat enough to erase that kind of progress without it being a binge?
Anyway, I stepped on the scale as my bloated, fully clothed self tonight and saw my scary number. A number that my bloated self wouldn't have reached on a bloated night a week ago. I take two steps forward and 7 steps back and it is SO frustrating!
I worry a lot that I'm never going to do this. When I'm doing well I feel so positive that I'm finally changing, but somehow I always end up back here with my weight back on after barely making a dent and it makes me think I'll never find peace with food.
But you know what else? I can also admit to myself that I simply wasn't trying. If I want this, I need to fight harder and I need to not stop fighting. I cannot let my guard down after a few pounds lost. I cannot let my boyfriend telling me I'm sexy and crazy for thinking otherwise make me forget that it's not so much my body that needs fixing as it is my relationship with food.
I tell you...a little bit of convincing from him that I can indulge in pizza, rum, chips, etc one night, and I'm guilt eating for a minimum 2 days (in this case, though, it's been a week!).
I'm not blaming him in any way shape or form. I'm here to tell myself that I know what I need. In my heart, I know the reason why I want to focus on good eating habits. I need to make choices based on how I feel and how I'll react once the decision is made.
I NEVER regret turning down food. Never.
I want a plan. First of all, I'm proud to say I have almost made it 30 days binge free thanks to 3 day wins. Some people might call my eating bingeing, but as off the wagon as I feel, I do not feel I have binged.
So I am continuing on with my BF streak, but I need something more. I'm going to get my school work done tonight and then I'm going to write myself a plan. And I WILL stick to my guns (as a spark friend told me to do!!) because I'm tired of letting myself down and being too easy on me!
Member Comments About This Blog Post
Hi there! Today I decided to look through my own Blogs and came upon the one which you replied to some time ago. this, in turn, led me to this blog from you, so here I am again!
The reason for reviewing what I'd written in my own Blogs is because it's the first day of a new year, the first day of the year in which I am determined to reach my weight loss goal - but it's also the first day after that cultural excuse for eating things which are yummy but which may not help the melting of the pounds! Whilst I haven't binged, I'm conscious of the fact that I've meandered off the track here and there during Christmas. I've barely put on anything, but this learning process and gathering ability to be ruthlessly truthful to myself have made me willing to face the fact that little lapses can lead to bigger ones. And bigger ones lead to despair, guilt, blah blah blah - and that's when Satan and The POG (another blog of mine) take advantage and step in to create utter disaster! I need to re-invigorate myself, remind myself of what I felt a few weeks ago and get off my plateau.
Reading your Blog is a breath of fresh air. You KNOW the answers, you KNOW who not to blame, you KNOW what it is you want to do. And here's the news: You are unique as a person - but you are as plain darned ordinary as the rest of us when it comes to our attitudes toward food and our relationship with it!!! No unique you there, I'm afraid!!
OK, girl - you CAN do this! So can everyone reading this and your Blog! So can I - no, I AM doing this! I AM!! And I want you right here doing it with me!! So, let's change those little words like 'can' to 'am doing' or 'am succeeding'; change the slant of our words to active, positive, convincing words and phrases - this really really does work because they filter through the subconscious until we actually start responding to them! We need to grow up and be adult about all of this, and that's the same for me at 60! We need to accept and convince others that, actually, people like us CAN'T lose weight whilst not seriously choosing to limit certain foods. (Note: 'limit', not 'ban'!)
I wish you the very, very happiest of New Year's and absolutely the most successful of weight loss voyages in 2012! Be in control, be beautiful, be kind to you and your body! but, above all, BE HAPPY!
1946 days ago
Comment edited on: 1/1/2012 7:21:18 AM
Hot dog give yourself the credit you deserve on the binge free streak you are beautiful and successful!! I know how you feel but if there is one thing i have learned in thesefew months of binge free living that requires more of me then trying to live BF. So i'm losing very slowly half pounds vs. full pounds. Try eating the foods you like just cut your portions by 3/4 to start on your plate and try and fill up on veggies..if you can. Make that plan and try to stick to it as best as you can you are intelligent and worth every struggle you make each and everyday to make your dreams come true. Remember this your habits took a long time to build so in order to undo the bad you have to give it time. You will do it, you are learning each part of your journey when we fall we get back up we look at why and learn and adjust. You can do it!! I'm here for you
1969 days ago
I think you need to give yourself more credit for being binge free at least according to your own standards. That is a feat!
I also think there has to be a way to include some of the foods you feel are ruining things. I really don't believe we need to have our guard up ALL the time. In fact, we can't. It literally is too much work. Complicated plans and premature strictness tax willpower too much. WE may feel righteous at the moment, but there can be a backlash.
You know my prejudice. Plan to have delicious, discrete meals that include at least some of our favorite foods- a moderate potion- every day, but limit only the most egregious trouble makers to fewer opportunities. And keep remembering how unpleasant it is to feel we are at the effect of food all the time. Let yourself be at the effect of food a few times a day- at meals! Then keep those gaps between eating events sacred. I really believe you will over time want less until you are closer to your body's real needs.
Enjoy your boyfriend's admiration of your body! But don't let that interfere with your desire to feel free around food. And feeling free means you can leave it as well as take it. I, too, like that you said you're never sorry for turning food down. I think you meant extra food, because you gotta eat! I also think that when you feel more relaxed around food because you have kept to reasonable limits over a period of time, you'll feel more compassion for your body.
1970 days ago
I love this part of your blog: I NEVER regret turning down food. Never.
And I don't know about you, but I'm going to hold onto that thought! What a GREAT way to put it. You are so smart, and I know you're probably thinking what I always think - if I'm so smart, why do I repeat this behavior?
I think that just by asking that question we can make progress. I know that in my past, when I went off the wagon (binge or just too many calories or not enough exercise), I'd stay off for MONTHS. Now, my progress is that I get right back up. I ask questions. I come to Sparkpeople. I re-read books that help me. But most of all, I'm not doing months of damage. And yes, the scale can piss you off after a week of livin it up, but the rebound time back to feeling good again is shorter and shorter as your off-wagon times get shorter.
I'm struggling like crazy ever since the Fall - since school started again. But I am taking comfort in the simple fact that while I've had some icky weigh-ins, I'm not wallowing like I used to, I'm getting right back up. And it sounds like you're in the same boat. You're right back here, blogging, coming clean, brainstorming new ideas, coming up with a new plan. Now that's some serious strength!
1970 days ago
This is part of the journey. It probably won't be the last time you fell off, or feel discouraged, but this will pass if you keep trying...then next time you start sliding you can say "I have been here before, I got through it and I can this time too."
I have heard from people who have been successful at not only losing weight but kept it off say these times come and go but get further and further apart and less intense.
1970 days ago
Write that plan girl, and I will help you to it if ever needed, as you are ALWAYS there for me!
Just promise me that you will continue to not only listen to the flattering words that your boy tells you, but also to HEAR them, and GRASP that he means what he is telling you, and that he loves you. And not only in that, 'he loves you no matter what' kinda way (which can be so..... unattractive at times right?), but that he loves you in that sassy sexy hottie way - and SMILE right back at him every time to confirm that to him. OK? : )))
The other stuff will fall into place. I know it. And I don't think you have binged at all these BF days, since we truly know when we really did blow it.
Stash the scale for a bit and just work on that plan.
And, nothing crazy, ok? No zip lining to and from class to burn calories, ok? hee hee.
1970 days ago
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