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    MIAJOEB   202,865
200,000-249,999 SparkPoints

Accept the reality of the loss

Wednesday, December 07, 2011

As I accept that things will never be the same I look to old comforts that include sleeping more and eating sweet and salty foods with little nutrition and many calories. Escaping into TV, the computer or reading. Nothing that makes me move. Having to encourage myself away from those activities. I am still here and my mother and my lovely friend are not. I feel guilty for the days that my food obsession kept me from being with them.
I feel guilty for the times I slept rauther than make that phone call or walked across the steet. So today I forgive myself for my past actions and resolve to Accept that I need to learn to nurture my self in ways that are different.. I am active and have more people in my life. I will be conscous of my goals to love the people who are alive and want to be friends with me today.. I will accept the invitations to friendship and love as they present themselves to me today..

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
GETDONE 12/10/2011 11:53PM

    I am so sorry that you have to go through the stages. I know your mother sees your efforts and is proud!!
Many of my friends and I have done the same thing--isolate---so we can grieve and go forward. We need people--friends--yet we must give ourselves private time to grieve also. Prayer sent.
I hope she says HI to my husband. I know they are having the best Christmas ever!! emoticon

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TWINKLETERESA 12/9/2011 12:07PM

    I am so, so, sorry for your loss!Your blogs on grief, all three have moved me to tears. You touched a place deep within me that needed to be touched, I so very often live "behind my wall" in order to protect from myself from heartache and I have insulated myself with food. My wish for you is peace of mind and self love! I believe you are amazingly strong, please do not beat yourself up for what was not, but love yourself for what was! Your Mother knows how much you love her and would not want to to interrupt your journey to good health! Thank you for your words!


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