Advertisement -- Learn more about ads on this site.
50,000-59,999 SparkPoints 51,710

Regaining my balance

Monday, December 05, 2011


Ok, so...this blog has been a long time coming. Especially since I have consistently been on SP for over 3 years now and have never posted a blog.

I have been struggling. Here's the breakdown. My all time highest weight was around 148-150lb which seems CRAZY to me now. Over 3 years ago, thanks to SP I lost 35 lb. emoticon My original goal was 118lb, though I never thought I would actually GET there. And than I DID. And than lower than that. I maintained 111-113 lb. for about 1 yr. maybe a 1.5 yrs. I was keeping my calories under 1600, and working out consistently, sometimes obsessively making sure I burned 1200 weekly. I got slack for awhile with my workouts but even upped my calories some, and for a few months I was still maintaining. In fact thats when I saw my lowest weight: 111lb. I'm nearly 5'5 so i admit I did not need to be 111lb. It was too skinny for me. My husband expressed concern a few times and said he thought I could stand to regain a few.

Fast forward to around this time last year. I started seeing that when I overindulged and ate too much, I wasn't seeing scary weight gain like I feared I would. In fact, most of the time it made no difference at all on the scale, and I would get right back on track with my under 1600cal. At this point, I was mainly focused on nutrition, still walking my dog a lot, but not a lot of hard core workouts like when I was losing the weight. I started to give myself permission (??) to overindulge more and found excuses, and of course saw the scale creep up..saw 115-116 for awhile. Long story short I feel like I've given myself too much leniency and I will have good weeks, but lately, I sometimes have mini-binges once or twice a week, and especially with not burning as many calories, of course I have seen the consequences on the scale. I have been 119-122lb. for a few months (?) now and am NOT ok with it. I know that doesn't seem like a lot of weight gained 2 years into maintaining, but it is to ME.

Its the excuses that i make that I find disturbing. And I know the slow weight gain, saying i will get back on track the next day is a slippery slope!! I've worked really hard for my body and I will NOT lose it now. I miss how healthy and in control I felt before, and how confident I felt in clothes AND naked emoticon

Some of my favorite clothes are tight now and that is NOT ok.

I know I have the tools to do this. The daily foods I eat, and my portions have not changed (except when I've binged) However, I have got to get back into CONSISTENT workouts and stay there. I have the free time, and no excuse. I miss feeling energetic and fit and AWESOME. I miss being able to go the store and get whatever I want, a few indulgent foods, and knowing i can eat what I want in moderation.

Ok, so now for goals. I do recognize that 111-113lb. was probably too thin for my frame/height. At my thinnest, I remember going clothes shopping one day, and caught sight of my back in the mirror and seeing bones, and thinking...'ok, yeah, I'm too skinny right now.' SO I think a fair and realistic goal is to drop about 5 lb. Nothing too extreme. I'd like my maint. range to be 114-116. I feel like i looked my best there, and that is realistic. No more excuses. I WILL get back there.

Tonight, I have a Christmas party at my work (which is a pub, so we will have an open bar, BBQ dinner and probably sugary deserts which are a TOTAL weakness for me)
I WILL behave there tonight and NOT go nuts. The best way to do that for me.

1) Eat a good and balanced breakfast. Have a protein and fiber rich snack beforehand.

2) Get in a GREAT workout today. I am much less inclined to ruin my hard work when I can make exercise a priority.

3) Drink in moderation. When I get drunk, it GREATLY increases my chance of a binge.

I can do this!!! Wish me luck guys. I love SP and you have all been such a strong support system for me. I need you now!!
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Congrats on your first blog post. Thanks for sharing your journey with us. Keep sparking. emoticon Keep sparking!
    1782 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/7/2011 8:22:25 PM
    1785 days ago
    You can do it!
    1785 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

More Blogs by MCAIL1