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Respect


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Thursday, December 01, 2011

Each one of us has joined Spark to have support during a time of crisis. It just happens that the initial crisis is weight loss. Any other benefits/support that we derive from our association with fellow Sparkers is just bonus. We need to remember that.

I have sat down and written long replies to different postings, only to delete half (or all) of the posting because, after reading it over I realized that it wasn’t going to build that person up – it wasn’t going to support them in their journey. I feel that each of you out there need something from me…respect. Maybe that translates to a kind word, maybe a helping hand, maybe an idea that you can decide to use and sometimes even a kick in the pants. But, it isn’t up to me to decide which you need at any given time. Sometimes people post things just to vent them and get them off their chest so that they are no longer hindering the journey they have started. Maybe they should find a less public way of doing that? Or, maybe we should take it as just that…venting..nothing personal…no need to get on the bandwagon and cut the person down to size. If you don’t like something that is said/written…ask why first. Are they having a bad day/week…did something drastic happen in their lives and they are trying to figure out how to cope with it…did they read something that someone else read and took it wrong? Spark isn’t the movies (HELLO…most of the movies are FICTION!)…it is real life. Who are we to criticize how someone else handles over-eating at the holidays? Who are we to say to someone that maybe their spouse doesn’t care anymore because they are FAT (even if the pictures say different)? Remember, words hurt just as much (and sometimes more) than physical abuse. Choose them carefully.

Let’s put it like Thumper’s mom (from Bambi) put it…”if you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all”…If we all treated one another that way in life, the world would be wonderful. I am not saying that we might misinterpret someone’s need at some point and mistakenly post something that turns out to be not so nice for them, but some people just stomp all over other people in their replies. That is just plain NOT NICE. Let’s try this…if you can’t say at least one nice thing in a reply to someone…just don’t reply.

I have always tried to feel out people in the only way I know how…treat them nicely. My father always said that you “get more flies with honey than with vinegar”. I always wondered why I would want to attract flies…unless to dispose of them! Lol, but you get the point. If I get an in-kind response, even if their initial post or verbalization was negative, I treat them as a friend, maybe even one in dire need. If they reply negatively (and I don’t usually get this type of response, so I am purely in guess mode here), I suppose I would just ignore them. It would hurt to receive something like that, but I would get over it. Negativity is all around us…why go looking for it?

So, the long and short of it, I guess, is that we need to respect others on Spark. We need to treat them like we would like to be treated…kindly and with the intent to help them be a better person.

Thank you for listening to my vent!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
CM_GARDNER78 12/10/2011 6:56PM

    YES! I agree with what you are saying 110%!!! Kill 'em with kindness - leave the others behind. They will either wake up and join you, or they will be left behind, miserable. It's not up to us to fix that....we can only choose how WE respond! You are awesome. Thanks for sharing!!!
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EMPTRS 12/10/2011 9:39AM

    Lovely! R-E-S-P-E-C-T!

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DIVASPARK 12/8/2011 6:39PM

    emoticon

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ANGELEYES67J 12/8/2011 1:04PM

    I totally agree.

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REENIE131 12/6/2011 10:13PM

    Perfectly said! Thank you for this.

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TIFFY0906 12/6/2011 4:06PM

    Thank you for this blog. I believe life is too short and already come with day to day struggles without having to be disrespectful or "mean spirited" to each other.

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MELLYBEANS0919 12/6/2011 3:53PM

    emoticon

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WELSTEACH 12/6/2011 3:20PM

    Many of us get disrespect from thin people who do not know the struggle of losing weight, dealing with emotional eating, eating disorders, battling weight gain after getting to maintenance etc. We SURELY don't need it from people who should understand.

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PRAYINGSUZIE 12/6/2011 2:24PM

    Thank you so much for sharing this blog with us! Thank you so much for the reminder to treat others like you want to be treated!

Suzie

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MILLIE5522 12/6/2011 1:19PM

    Kindness is so under rated. Excellent blog. emoticon

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SURGENBERD 12/6/2011 8:27AM

  emoticon

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MARKSTIPANOVSKY 12/6/2011 7:13AM

    Nice and respectful...

I actually teach "nice" as a concept and it is life changing for real. Nice to know there are others out there sharing the power of "nice"...

Good luck with reaching your goals and staying focused. All the best - Mark

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NORENBERG1953 12/6/2011 12:12AM

  Loved your message it reminds me of my grandmother, the world needs more people that are more considerate of others feelings if they would only think before they speak sometimes they wouldn't say what that do.

Comment edited on: 12/6/2011 12:12:53 AM

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KTISFOCUSED 12/5/2011 10:30PM

    I agree. The last thing any of us need is to be disrespected as we travel this journey so thanks for the reminder.

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KIPPER15 12/5/2011 9:15PM

    Well said and so true. emoticon

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NITA-BERRY 12/5/2011 1:59PM

    You hit the nail on the head. And it shows the wonder of your heart.

May you have a blessed year of NICE replies and postings. You deserve it.
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SURLYGIRL 12/5/2011 11:52AM

    Thank you - What a great reminder for all of us.

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SUSUSUZZZIE 12/5/2011 11:39AM

    Great blog. Thank you for sharing!

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MAGGIEROSEBOWL 12/5/2011 11:28AM

    So true and wonderfully put. I can just hear Thumper saying, "Momma says, If you can't say nothing nice, don't say nothing t'all!"

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SHOAPIE 12/5/2011 10:37AM

    This can't be said enough! emoticon

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ANDRE_CSPRINGS 12/5/2011 9:51AM

    emoticon

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HEALTHYME229 12/5/2011 8:57AM

    I agree with everyone else that this is an awesome blog and a great reminder of how to treat one another. Kindness really is a gift we give, both to the receivers and to ourselves. Too bad so many don't see it that way.

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JERZGURL_NAN 12/5/2011 8:34AM

    Great Message and perfect way to begin a week. Always a place for growth no matter how old we are! Thank you

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JLEMUS1 12/5/2011 8:22AM

    So true!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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RANDY175 12/5/2011 5:05AM

    I love reading blogs that cause me to pause and think.

Good points and well articulated.

Thank you!

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MANNJHA 12/5/2011 4:52AM

  Thank you for venting. I agree that if we cannot say something supportive and/or kind, we should not comment. Why would someone want to discourage others? Why would someone want to attempt to hurt others' feelings? emoticon

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ZIPCONTROL 12/5/2011 1:33AM

  So important. The foundation of anything.

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BRAVEHEART4ME 12/4/2011 11:36PM

  Great blog! emoticon

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LZYLDY 12/4/2011 10:14PM

    My spouse has to remind me many times that just because people say that I am... (stupid, ugly, fat... etc. etc) that doesn't make it so.
So often I measure myself by what everyone else thinks about me; or what I think they are thinking about me.
Your movie quote made me think of one too from "The Fighting Temptations" "When life makes you have to put up with mean and hateful people, think of them as sandpaper. They may scratch you, rub you the wrong way, but eventually you end up smooth and polished...and the sandpaper...its just gonna be worn out and ugly"


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HHB4181 12/4/2011 6:42PM

    All true. nice job.
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ME_FIRST 12/4/2011 5:47PM

    I remember my father telling me more than once that if I couldn't say anything nice that I shouldn't say anything at all. We often don't know the reason for statements made by others and, particularly on the internet, it is easy to misinterprete what others write. We are here to give and get support.



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ALIHIKES 12/4/2011 5:35PM

    I totally agree with you, we should respect each other, AND support each other in becoming fit. Love your blob! emoticon

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CUDDLYPOLARBEAR 12/4/2011 3:36PM

    Very well said

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MARIE405 12/4/2011 2:36PM

    emoticon Very well said.

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ADVENTURESEEKER 12/4/2011 1:18PM

    agreed!

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LAURIE-RN 12/4/2011 10:47AM

    Agreed!

Laurie emoticon

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KIN59VARA 12/4/2011 10:26AM

    Well written, on the door of my office at school I have a sign that says " Respect Everyone".

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BEYOURBEST1 12/4/2011 10:07AM

    Great blog. Nobody knows for sure about someone else's situation. The only way to really know is to be that person, although at times we don't fully know about our own stuff. Tolerance is important. We are here to support each other on our journeys.

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THETURTLEBEAR 12/3/2011 4:16PM

    Great blog! Thank you for sharing!!

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DUSTYGIRL25 12/3/2011 2:52PM

    Thank you for spreading the word. I love when I read positive and uplifting blogs. I especially like when all the responses are just as positive and uplifting. I agree, we're supposed to be spreading the Spark! Let's hope everyone does.
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SENATOR9 12/3/2011 12:10PM

    emoticon blog emoticon

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HUTCHISDM 12/3/2011 1:49AM

    **nods vigorously**
Very, very, well put. Respect is one of those things to me that I see lost in todays world. I don't know if it is becuase of the way we communicate now or not, though may people say it is. I just see it diminishing. And not just in posts, or emails, but everywhere. I still say "thank you sir (or ma'am)" to most people who do something for me. I still hold doors open for anyone older than me, mothers with kids, etc. Anyone who needs that little bit of courtesy to make things easier. And yet I see those types of behavior that I grew up seeing everywhere, are slowly fading away in todays hustle-bustle world. Your phrases made me smile, so I'll add another one in a related fashion - "stop and smell the roses," take a moment to stop and enjoy the little things in life. Like the smile I got from a waitress who realized my wife and I WERE paying attention when she said, "you kids enjoy." We both laughed and said "kids? We're much older than you think then." She walked away chuckling and shaking her head. I think I may have rambled a little off track here - but in all - I highly agree

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NEWJEWELS4LIFE 12/2/2011 10:44PM

    Awesome blog!!

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DANA564 12/2/2011 8:49PM

    Great blog! Well said.

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 12/2/2011 8:33PM

    Very well said!

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LESLIESENIOR 12/2/2011 7:39PM

    The best thing about Sparkpeople has been the overwhelmingly positive responses and posts I have experienced. I would add that it is important to say something constructive rather than destructive. A constructive comment may have suggestions based on experience and wisdom. The receiver hopefully will not take offense, but feel supported.

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MILLISMA 12/2/2011 6:08PM

    Thanks for sharing your feeling and ideas....don't call that venting, just being honest.
By the way, that has always been one of my favorites saying (if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all). I use to say that to my kids all the time.

thanks again!!!!

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NEW-CAZ 12/2/2011 5:50PM

    emoticon blog ! Thanks for sharing

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HDHAWK 12/2/2011 5:48PM

    Yes!

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HIKETOHEIGHTS 12/2/2011 5:20PM

    It is kinda funny because I think the negativity is invisible to me! I just look at the half full glass as a matter of fact. As they say, take the high road there is more room up here!

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