Saturday, November 26, 2011
I began to get a little excited about Christmas this year. I've been making so many healthy changes, I've lost weight, I've developed good eating habits, I've started exercising regularly. All these things made me think Christmas would be easier this year. And I'm sure they are helping.
But it didn't make Christmas disappear.
I've never really liked Christmas. I know, it's supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year. And, yes, I do think it's great to set aside a day to celebrate the birth of our Savior and to enjoy family and spread cheer. Please don't accuse me of being a Scrooge.
It was just never a big deal at my home growing up, and now that I'm an adult it's synonymous with busyness, craziness, stress and hard work.
So I didn't think that going through my first Christmas after the death of my niece would be this difficult. Yesterday I felt like I was just going through the motions of work, but inside I was just empty. It's been almost a year, and the grief has come and gone in stages. Now it's going to make Christmas difficult.
Only 4 more weeks to go. I need something to get through it this year. I certainly can't make it on my own.