Monday, November 21, 2011
I don't think it's hit me yet. THAT is 'my number' now. I can't believe I am totally one of those girls that can be like(translate this part like the valley girl I am) 'omg, I am sooooo fat, I need to lose like 10 pounds before bikini season' as she pinches her perfectly fine love handles and stomach that just looks bloated! lmao!!! You know exactly what I mean! I'm officially 155 and 'that' girl that I used to roll my eyes at because it's only 10 lbs not 30, not 50, and not 70! I am down to the point of being the person the magazines are talking to while sitting on the checkout magazine rack at the grocery store. You know 'lose 10 lbs by Christmas' or '10 ways to lose 10 lbs'.
Sometimes I feel like this version of myself, but it comes and goes. Kind of like when you first get married, or find out your pregnant, or have a child- that moment between dreaming and being awake, sometimes you forget and it's like 'how could I forget that!'. I know the 2.10 version of myself would think I am perfect! I actually found the letter and instruction manual she wrote. It's amazing to be the things she dreamed of for the 1.55 version! It is unreal.
I do get caught checking myself out. I actually can leave the house without a stitch of makeup. I can do an actual full sit up without feeling a literal ball of fat in the way. All of my clothes are too big. For once when I say 'I don't have ANYTHING to wear' I'm not just saying it because I don't like how anything fits or how I look in the stuff that I do have but now I literally don't have anything that fits! ITS GREAT!!!
I work everyday to embrace the ever changing me which is simply easier than it was to embrace version 2.10 since she was full of bugs and viruses. I haven't fully discovered version 1.55 and I am not sure if I will get the chance to really identify with her since version 1.45 is being created as of this very moment! I wouldn't say I am creating a new me, more I am gaining my care free confidence back and that is my win no matter what version my processor is running.