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so, I'm doing it again

Monday, November 21, 2011

I lose 2 pounds, gain 2 pounds, lose 2 pounds, gain 2 pound, then, I give up.
This is my weight story. It is what I have been doing since I can't even remember.

Here is the conversation in my head.
Me to self: "Hey! I lost 2 pounds even with that one terrible food day this week and ordering a full fat mocha coffee thingie with whipped cream last night!"

Self to me: "Kewl! That must mean I can pretty much eat whatever I want everyday, and still lose weight!"
Me to self: Yup...pretty much. This whole diet thing is really a piece of cake. (wanders off in search of said piece if cake).

Next week
Me to self: Darn! (or something much harsher) I gained and all I did was have one yummy snack every day and a few days of food free-for-all. It just isn't fair!
Self to me: awww, you poor thing. Go finish that noodle soup with crackers and the last of the cake, and we'll get after it! We'll start fresh again... tomorrow!

Second verse, same as the first.

Here I sit with the same goals and the same attitude. Who was it that said "if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got"? Paraphrased... but you know what I mean.

It's Monday, it's 7:15 am, and I know I need to do something different, I just have no idea what. I need to do whatever it is starting today, not tomorrow, next week or next year.
Have any of you been here? If so, how did you break the cycle? I have been dieting for the past 30 years. THIRTY YEARS! I want this to stop, NOW!

I know I need your help with this. Spark friends, please.
I so want to do this this time and not just keep spinning my wheels.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
WATREKKIE 11/29/2011 7:16PM

    You've been talking to the voice in MY head, haven't you?!?!? emoticon I'm soooooo familiar with those conversations!

Thanks so much for sharing, sweetie!!! It helps me to know I'm not alone - and your blog and the comments all help.

emoticon emoticon

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SUBSMITH 11/22/2011 3:59PM

    I'm going through the same thing... only it's been about one decade for me... and it's a ten pound yo-yo. Halloween gave me back the lost 10 pounds. AAAAH!

Since coming back to Sparks, I've gotten off of coffee and am back to occassional social cups (not the heavy calorie stuff... just a bit of cream). Recently, I've tried to break from a fast food habit... and it's working. Now, it's time to start counting calories again, to get 'er right!

Last time, I committed to Tracking for one week; since it takes up so much time. I saw the benefits and did it a bit longer. All I know is that it helped. By the time I went to pre-load my dinner plans, I'd find out if I needed to modify portions. I also learned that when I eat over 1500 calories, I don't feel well for a day or so.

Also, there are some who believe gluten is the problem. You might do some research on it. I know dairy (and possibly gluten) really bloat me up and make me miserable. I've had labwork done, and it's not showing up; but I know that when I remove these, I feel ALOT better, my stomach loses it's swollenness, and I have more energy. My "no-no list" : dairy, corn, and iodine (shellfish, ocean fish, excessive salty foods)... and possibly other grains. I know these from experience; but also yo-yo and end up including them in my diet, only to regret it later. Just something to think about.

I think we think alot alike. I felt a kindred spirit when I read how you talked yourself into approving this or that. lol.

Comment edited on: 11/22/2011 4:02:07 PM

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BLESSEDBEING 11/22/2011 12:08AM

    As someone else said, it can be different for each person--that epiphany or AHA moment when you get it, when you stop fighting reality and accept that your life will not change until you change.

My thinking had to change, and my actions had to change. I especially had to get out of the mindset of "I had a bad day, so I deserve to (eat, drink)" or "I'm unhappy, so I deserve to (eat, drink)" or "I'm tired, so I won't exercise today" or "I'm busy, so I won't exercise today."

I'm far from perfect, but I try to do take positive steps most days. It's finding new ways to do things, little changes that you can do for the rest of your life, not just a day or 2, or a week or a month. That's why I love babysteps. They don't turn your life upside down or require huge commitments of time and energy; you don't have to become somebody else. You just do one new thing, or one thing differently. And after awhile, you do one more new thing (regularly) or one other thing a little differently.

For me it started with exercise: walking around the block at the end of my lunch hour at work. I eventually added a morning break and an afternoon break of walking around the block, and I picked up my pace so that now I speedwalk 3 times a day most work days for 2 to 2.5 hours of aerobic activity weekly--and I love it! It gets me out of the office and into the fresh air, I do my affirmations and pray. It's time extremely well spent!

I pray that you experience your AHA, and find a habit to try that you can love and look forward to doing from now on. I do believe you can succeed. The question is, do you?

Blessed Be, Amanda emoticon

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MORTICIAADDAMS 11/21/2011 11:13PM

    Well, what works for me? To be honest, I'm weak and what works best is lack of temptation. I try to make sure that at home I don't have much to cheat with. I fill the house full of healthy foods. Meat, fish, veggies, fruits, nuts, seeds, low fat dairy, healthy fats. Very few goodies and not ones that will tempt me too much. No cookies here. I never eat any carbs without protein and try to space my carbs and calories out. I try to eat between 1200 and 1400 calories on most days and keep my carbs below 150 net. I try to exercise at least an hour a day.

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    I think this is part of the journey. Overcoming those internal barriers you face over and over again, when you pick yourself back up and try again.

Do you know the story of Chapter 5? I'll post it here for you.

by Portia Nelson

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost ... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place
but, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit.
my eyes are open
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street.

You've already progressed through several chapters on your journey. You're just not to chapter 5 yet. You have what it takes, because you keep picking yourself up and trying again. Hang onto that. That is very important. That is critical. All potential for behaviour modfication is lost without it; so value that and admire yourself for the will to start again.

Repeating for emphasis: You've done many chapters; you're just not to chapter 5 yet. The reason(s) why are different for each of us. Just keep going.

Good habits are formed EXACTLY the same way bad ones are; by repetition and reward.

We may be sick of hearing this, but, forming good habits is a PROCESS. A journey; a marathon. Many chapters.

Being INTENTIONAL about FOCUS has really helped me this year. I believe we have to teach ourselves to have focus, be focused, and live focused, in certain areas that don't come naturally to us.

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ELLFIN3 11/21/2011 4:32PM

    I know what You are talking about, but I can not help You I am in the same boat! Maybe if We start rowing together We can figure it out! I know I am in binge mode and I need to stop it! The fitness is there but the over eating has to stop! Luck with Your fight! emoticon emoticon

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JESSYVIRGINY 11/21/2011 8:28AM

    I've been there and I still do the gain and lose yo-yo syndrome. So I totally understand how you feel. Don't give up if you need some motivation or just someone to help you sparkmail me, I'll be happy to be your sparkbuddy. emoticon emoticon


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REDSHOES2011 11/21/2011 8:27AM

    Take a chat with your doctor and ask him to do blood work and a check up.. Perhaps getting the realities from the doctor will give you some incentive to keep at it.. My incentive was screwing on coffin lids to my dad, husband, mother in law and many more people in my family..
In short no one is left to sit at the christmas dinner table with me and my kids.. Sometimes we avoid things if nothing is wrong- the doctor saying sorry can doing anything more woke me up..
My kids becoming wards of the state and watching them fall to peices lossing family one by one..
Don't let really rough aha moments sober you up- do it while it is voluntary- ask people suffering diabetes or heart disease.. When it gets this far is isn't fun removing stuff..

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    Thanks for sharing and good luck staying focused and reaching your goals this week. Have a nice week... Mark

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