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I have GOT to pull it together!

Sunday, November 20, 2011

This is really how I feel! I have a great desire in life to be balanced and lately "balanced" is not where I live! In some ways things are good...I have a great menu going at work and we are in the full swing of things...very busy...and I am handling it. I have been feeling good about the time I get to spend with my can be quite crazy and often stressful when it comes to school activities but I get through it. I have even figured out a budget plan that will reduce our debt to 0 in just over a year that includes a savings plan to we can continue to travel.

These things are all great and yet...something is still quite askew... I get it all done guessed time for myself! i am up at 6:30 and out the door at 7:30 with the kids. I am at work and in uniform by 8:30 and go til 4. Then I pick up the kids by 4:30 and am home and dinner is on the table by 5:30. I do chores til 6:30 or so and then Quin and I do homework and reading til 7 and the kids are in bed by 7:30. I finish my chores by around 8 and then I sit...with a glazed look at the computer and try to figure out if I should just go to bed or if there is some fun thing I can do. Reading is hard because I get lost from the end of the line of words down to the next line due to my eye trouble. (I see the specialist tomorrow)

Sometimes I spark a little but I have been doing it less and my "Spark" has been dwindling. I really need to be tracking again and trying to get 30 minutes of exercise each night at 8. I was doing that each night until I got sick and now it has been months! I have had some weight gain. Probably more than some. I stopped getting on the scale at work. Monday I am going to face the music and step on that thing again.

Being on Spark really does help me and I do know that I have cut way back on my Spark time to make room for other things. I have been using the time during my coffee break at work to plan a different vacation for us this next summer. (Already? Yea...already. It has helped my brain to have something so fun to think about well as our finances for me to know how much we need to save....I already bought the plane tickets! we land in Basel, Switzerland and fly out of Milan, Italy. I spent only 728 USD for the whole family!)

But I digress...I have gotten away from Spark and I think I need to come back. Aside from time, one other reason I got away from Spark is I found myself wanting to blog about some unpleasant things and then hesitating. I have overcome some obstacles in my life and normally I don't hardly give them a thought but they have been presenting themselves again lately (or rather bothering me again lately) and I worry about talking about them. Am I invading others privacy to write about them since they concern others? Will my friends who read wonder what is wrong with me? Oh...there are a whole bunch of other questions I have for myself...and what has happened is instead of blogging about it I don't blog. (One other reason is that when I have the time I am so darn tired I would rather shop for pj's for Liam online!)

I have decided to do three things to get things under control for ME again. I will log my food again and track my calories. I will set up an exercise plan for myself that works for me...even if it starts with gentle stretching for 30 minutes at night until I feel able to do more. Finally I will start blogging again. About what I want. I will not worry about what others will think, I will not worry about whether or not someone I know comes across it, I will just blog...for me...I think it helps me to "get things out". I need my balance back.

I will pull it together!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    The blogging is for you, not the rest of us. If we don't like it we don't have to read it. If it helps to get things out then its important to write. Balance is something we all struggle with, but when your children are younger and doing things at school and with friends, it's even more difficult. I expect not feeling well isn't helping either.
    2311 days ago
    Your blog is your blog. Whatever you feel should go in it, for you, and whatever you need to write down in it, is what should go in it.

    Yes, there may be some rude replies as after all it is a public place, but those replies would be more telling about the authors than about what you wrote in your blog.
    On the upside, your friends who read it might come up with different points of views that you hadn't thought about and that may help.

    At a particularly bad time in my life, years ago, my then counsellor told me: "you have a right to feel like cr*p. If people around you don't like it, that's their problem. You shouldn't worry about saying or not saying something because someone else might be upset by it". Obviously she didn't mean that I should go around insulting people and being nasty, but I am done keeping things in because someone might think badly of me, or might get upset because I am not well, or might want to just hear that everything is fine (one of my pet peeves is people asking you how you are always expecting an upbeat answer. Sorry, if you ask me and I'm not well, I'm going to tell you exactly how I am. If you don't like it, next time think before you ask).
    Some times sh*t happens and it's normal. If people don't want to hear, they should get themselves a nice little bubble and lock themselves in it.

    So, go ahead and rant. Yes, we will wonder what is wrong with you, but most of all we will try to offer empathy, or even help out if we can!
    2311 days ago
  • LENKA763
    every one here is seeking some balance ,in life, with weight, with issues and so on'
    you are step a head of us, because you have a plan .

    "Even the sun doesn't shine in the same spot 24 hours a day, to expect that from a human is foolishness."

    this quote spoke to me ...

    Thank you so much for your kind words and the goodie past the wine(coffee won't do it this time:)
    2312 days ago
    You're doing pretty well, and you seem to recognize it, but you *are* missing something. You have a great wonderful family, good satisfying work, a relatively stable routine, a government that is not off its rails (hey, that counts for a lot these days) and, yes you've got fairly nasty eye issues to deal with, but you have your health beyond that.
    I think I know what you're missing up there: a buddy. A girlfriend to kvetch to about Patrick's innocent foibles, someone to explain those crazy Norwegians, a shoulder when you feel like you might not be the best mom for that one moment. It's always foreign, always different, not quite home even though you've been there for years. You know you're going to move again and wrench your children from their home ... maybe. Or you could be stuck! Which is worse?
    I'm supposing those ideas and I know you have your own. I think you can discuss them here as long as we don't hear about Patrick's hemorrhoids or something, it should be okay. Only because Patrick is here on SP. If he wasn't, his 'rhoids should be fair game, dammit! ;)
    2312 days ago
    Glad you have a plan to help yourself feel better. It's difficult when your life is so busy. But, you deserve to take care of you. You have a great plan: logging your food; stretching & blogging 'your way.' I will join you on the stretching too ( I do log my food, most days and will especially continue to do that during the holiday season). I used to stretch for my back issues and it felt so good and it did eventually motivate me to move more. Be gentle with yourself. Sparking shouldn't be another item on your 'To Do" list. It should be relaxing and on your own terms. I know it would be a challenge for you to get up any earlier in the morning than you do - with getting the kids ready and out the door and to work each day...but when I exercise in the morning, I have much more energy the rest of the day and I have it done for the day. Have you tried doing 10 minutes here and there? I have several indoor walking DVD's that are around 20 minutes to 30 minutes that are equal to 2 miles of walking that really make me feel good. Just some ideas.
    I hope all goes well for you tomorrow when you see the Specialist.
    2312 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/20/2011 7:05:30 PM
    It's very difficult to blog about personal issues because you're never quite sure what sort of reaction you'll get from people reading your blogs. I know several members who felt they had to make their spark pages "private" because of some downright rude comments.

    I do feel a person should be able to write about whatever they want on their own blogs. However, because this is such a public place, you might not want to blog about the really and truly personal matters. If you do, then you might want to consider making your page private. This way, only your spark friends would be able to read your blogs and not the general community.

    I hear you on having no time to yourself. I think a lot of us have been having similar problems i.e. there just aren't enough hours in the day. I'm glad you take time to help your kids with their homework. A friend of mine is a teacher and we were lamenting that fact that too few parents (these days) take an interest in their children's home work. they place all the responsibility for their child's education in the hands of their teacher. Well, a good teacher can only do so much. A child stands a better chance if they have their parents or maybe an older sibling helping them when they can.

    Being a chef is tough. My brother is a chef and the weekends seem to be the only time he has to himself. The problem ? That's when work around the house needs to get done too.

    You do the best you can.

    2312 days ago
    Please don't ever hesitate to blog about unpleasant things! It's when things go wrong for us that we need each other the most. Your Sparkfriends will always be here for you to lean on.

    Please let us know what the specialist says about your eye. I'm very concerned for you.
    2312 days ago
    I agree with everyone on here. I have struggled with the blogging too. I have a couple friends who read my blogs and sometimes I am frustrated with them and certain situations and want to blog but don't want to hurt feelings. The thing I"ve realized though is that they are MY issues, not their's. I have a right to blog about my feelings, that's the purpose, an online journal per say. Sometimes, alot of times it's easier not to blog because of avoidance, we feel like the issue will go away if we ignore it. The problem is it doesn't, it festers and grows.

    So I suggest, talk, write, get your feelings out, you will feel so much lighter and healthy.

    Good luck on the balance. AWESOME for you on realizing you need ME time and for blogging about it and what's been frustrating you. You have an awesome group of support here, don't let it slip away :)
    2312 days ago
    Glad to hear from you again. I have been struggling with balance also. Good luck finding your "me" time! Tracking is a great way to start.
    2312 days ago
    Your description of your days sounds so familiar! I remember when my kiddos were younger and I felt like we were on a constant Merry-go-round and I didn't work full-time then (at least out of the house). Now after they are grown and I am working full time (and traveling a bit), it is such a challenge to keep things going at home. It seems as if I am always leaving something undone in order to exercise or sleep. It also seems to take so much discipline to force myself to do even more after 8:00 pm.

    I get up generally at 4:30 am to run and get going. By 7:30 I long to be home and use the morning's energy to get work done at home (it seems I can only do that on the weekend, and of course, I have been gone just about every weekend since middle of September). I head to work, and there till 5, run errands on the way home, and by the time we eat and clean-up, it is nearly 8:00 and I should be heading to bed by 9:15, so yea, crazy.

    I applaud your efforts to "get-it-together" but I think it is always really helpful to understand what we mean by that. The concept of the perfect home, perfect body, perfect routine is a myth, but that shouldn't stop us from functioning at higher levels. For me I have to consider what is bothering me the most and work in little steps toward consistency in that realm. My top areas are eating right consistently, doing my strength-training exercises, keeping my house at the level of clean that I prefer. I spent yesterday doing the cleaning part, today I will focus on adding the food part, and next week I am with grandbabies again and should be able to add the exercise part.

    Hang in there friend and take some time to think things through, realistically -- because sometimes ordering pj's online might be more important than losing a lb. I will pray all goes well with the doctor.

    2312 days ago
  • KELPIE57
    IMHO the blogging helps by putting our words down, it focuses us. I am like you, guilty of not blogging recently. Yes, it is fatigue and lots of other things. But for me, it is a bit of avoidance too.
    I know how you feel about the am I bothering others if I write about my problems issue. The answer is, we are free to read or not as we choose.
    Hope that you find a bit more balance in your life....some "me" time.
    Best of luck tomorrow.
    And maybe just maybe, look at your priorities, and just like paying off the debt, sometimes you have to invest to get the benefit somewhere else down the toad.
    2312 days ago
    Of course you will pulpit together. So will I, or I sure hope so. It is absolutely amazing how much you get done, day in and day out, amazing. But, yes, you need time for you. I sure hope the eye situation is better and hope you are feeling at least a bit healthier in general.

    I do agree that blogging seems to help. I know I am not doing enough of it. I too feel to tired often. I need to tell myself, just a short one and I think it will help me release some stress. Say what is on you mind if you can. I will not judge you my dear.

    Hugs! Hugs! And more hugs for you. Also, outstanding job on the budget and vacation plan. Anything you set your mind to you can accomplish. You have proven that over and over. I btw have put on quite a few myself. I know it is upsetting but I think, well, I know you have the right mind set. Start with stretching or something. I need to do the same.
    2312 days ago
    Great blog Ronna. Glad to hear your taking action. Only you know what is best for your body, mind and soul. Best of luck at the specialist. I do help they can help you. emoticon
    2312 days ago
  • ERIN4771
    sounds like you have been busy!! i know the eye situation is not a happy one for you to be dealing with, but am glad you are going to the specialist tomorrow, and will soon hear what can be done in that area....i don't blame you for not sparking lately, as i really haven't been either, and would also rather shop for pj's myself as well emoticon for blogging, i think you should write what you want, and as your friend, i would support what you are going isn't always roses)thank goodness, because those are such lame over rated flowers..oh wait, back to topic) is full of ups and downs, and besides, if someone doesn't want to read about it, they are more than welcome to move along to the next blogger that's feeling sorry about eating mcdonalds and not working out, yet again....those are lame blogs, i would rather read about real for the weight gain, i am sure you are being harder on yourself than you should be, and i think you burn quite a bit off during the walks to the train, picking up the kids, and walking in your kitchen!!! hang in there, and always remember, i am hear for you!! emoticon
    2312 days ago
    2313 days ago
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