Am i being sexually harassed, Should i talk to my Management
Saturday, November 19, 2011
OK my current job(that I am speaking of) i have been working there 2 years. Side note the fact that I am being sexually harassed here instead of my full-time job is strange because there is a pretty even amount of men and women so is strange. Anyway i have been there two years and about as long as I have been there the guy lets call him Billy, had been bothering me. Though it was in the range of strange and annoying I ignored it one because he didn't touch me and two it wasn't very often and he is a virgin. Also i wasn't the only one who he bothered it was pretty much ANY I mean ANY women at the job who was mildly friendly two him so I let it go. Now i am realizing that the way he treats others may not be the same as the things he does to me.
Now here is what happens WHENEVER we work together. i work in a small area about the size of a office 3 walls with an open space(you may can get an idea if you look at my profile pic it shows 2 walls). Anyway In my work I can't always face the front though I try and keep it on my peripheral but i can't always. He will come up behind me and be behind me in my personal space in such a close way that I can feel his erection is not super close like a hug but too close. Is only for a second but is happening more and more often. At other times he walks up to me and is just invading my space and giving me those gross looks you know how men do. He is always saying gross thinks to me. i work with clothing all types of clothing lingerie included. If i am putting away skimpy dress or lingerie he makes lewd remarks.
He often ask me for sex, I do tell him to leave me alone, He basically says and acts as if I said leave me alone right now. He never stops. Another thing I don't know how to handle is the racial things he says to me. He has told me (unsolicited) that he only thought black people should date black people, that black people men and women were both only wanted for sex and shouldn't marry other races. He told me black women were nasty( like freaky) and called me all kinds of stuff that I don't need to repeat.
I will be honest and hopes no one thinks less of me for what I am going to say. This has been going on for a while, like i said. I mostly wrote it off as annoying also as I said. But what really makes me upset is that the management and other employees know and make jokes about it. I want to be certain, but I just can't be sure I feel that they kind of let it happen. He knows they don't care some things he says in front of them and I say with other employees and/or management around that is not funny and that it was rude and they laugh or say nothing about it. Now he is getting more aggressive and bolder. When we are in the store after hours, or alone he grabs me touches me inappropriately and the things has already been doing he does more and worse.
I am afraid to go to my management because first of all they know and they joke about it so I am not sure what they will do . On a day (not anytime recently) that I needed a ride he solicited sex from me for a ride I said no of course and I told my management what happened and they joked about it actually laughed. As though they were kind of setting me up for it so I thought. On a separate occasion sometime later, like a month or so my manager told me to stay passed my scheduled time and ride home with Billy after I told her what happened with him. I had a ride but staying an hour after i was scheduled to get off made it impossible for my planned ride to give me a ride home. I was finished with my work and was scheduled to get off. I opted to take a taxi instead which was about 50$. The next day at work they were kind of upset and my manager gave me a kind of written warning about "insubordination" "not being a team player" and how "being difficult would impair my chances of moving up or getting hours" those are exact quotes because i chose to take a taxi. I have never actually sat down with my mangers and told them what he does at work. Telling them about what happened when he gave me a ride home happened when I first started, and I just said it not like a complaint or anything just like I was telling about a bad weekend or something.
I looked on the internet and from what I read there isn't much I can do cause he isn't my manager and nothing is wrong with comments says the things i read. I get the idea from things that it would go badly for me to complain and they would think that his touches might be accident, If you are thinking that it is an accident there is never that many people or that little space between us , Or any reason that he should be in the area that I work in. It makes me wonder what would happen if i said anything. Another reason that I have apprehension about telling the management is that other employees bother me and the management know about that also and nothing is done so I can't expect much that makes since right. A manager actually told me after I stated that I will only answer to my name not any nicknames or variation of my name, she said and I am quoting "Ok I am the manager, You know I am talking to you so just answer to what we call you" Not sure if i handled that professionally. but I ignored anyone who didn't call me by my name only responding with my name. I don't know how to handle any of these issues. I mean is a smaller company, and i have been there so long not saying anything. I wish this were my full-time job where there is many ways to formally complain and an actual HR manager and her assistant who you can just talk to about work issues. But it is escalating I just don't know what to do?
Member Comments About This Blog Post
I would talk with my manager and if it doesn't stop take it higher.
2016 days ago
One thing I have to say is I do have a written record color coded and everything with all the things management and coworkers have said out of line. The things that I considered sexual harassment, and all the times I worked more than 8hrs without a 15 min break or lunch(it was only a big deal because others worked shorter hours and got breaks and lunches and I was told no.)
LIV you are right in Texas is against the law to use audio and visual recordings against people without telling them but all you have to do is tell them. and I love your idea of "being startled" Being legally blind I am not often startled but i can pretend
LISA. harassed by my bosses? I don't understand. I will take your advice and make a formal complaint to my store manager and assistant manager(who also acts as hr manager. i guess I will keep writing down things in my journal give it a couple of weeks see if things get better or worse.
ANGEL. Something kind of ironic the area that I work in is one of only 2 in the building that is not covered by cameras.
NORMAL. I have a police friend I will talk to him about what is going on and see what he thinks about it. is an unoffical way of telling the cops because he is a friend who happens to be a cop I knew him before.
RED. your idea was the only one I tried and it went awful, Terrible, Horrible, and every other adjective along with those. The only male manager that works there isn't the head manager but I did approach him about what was going on. He laughed and said why not do it and he isn't dangerous and I quote " you fine even though you dress S***y, stop being sensitive, he aint going to hurt you" But i will let them no I am willing to take it further,
ANDY. my full time job actually has an hr manager and an assistant one of which is always available. I asked her what I should do. and thank you for the advice I would have not thought to ask for some reason
Thanks everyone for your advice and wishes of good luck. I can't quit because they bully me, no way. I want this to get fixed. there is no dignity in running away with your tail between your legs when you haven't even put up a fight. I will take step one on Tuesday and make a formal complaint with my Assistant Manager and Store manager and hope it ends there
2017 days ago
You've gotten good advice above. None of this behavior is acceptable; not from the guy or from your employers. I'd start looking for another part time job. He's getting pushier and pushier. That's scary to me. Good luck to you.
2017 days ago
Everyone here has pretty much covered the legal aspect. Yes, you have to tell your boss and potentially the police. I don't know what the laws are where you live but you usually can't record a conversation without the other person's permission unless you have a warrant or something. But the laws might be different where you live. Even if you leave and want to take legal action you don't have any record of what has been happening. So start telling management and keeping a written record so you have proof that you told someone. If they choose not to do anything about it then you have something to back you up. But I take more of a personal approach. You can always "pretend" he startles you and turn around very quickly with your elbow or fist in direct alignment with his groin. The quicker you turn with more force the better. If he's a smart man is shouldn't take him too many times to stop that kind of behavior.
2017 days ago
Not only are you being sexually harassed by the jerk, your being harassed by your bosses as well. No one can write you up for not riding home with the guy. My dad owned his own company for years and one thing he always told me was everyone has a boss higher up, even if you go to the owners, they are not above the law. I agree with others, get a tape recorder and record everything you can. I would make your formal complaint first, then once you have documentation of it, go to the police and get an attorney. So many people say they don't want to take it that far, because they don't want to start a big ordeal, but you have to protect yourself and any other people that might come in contact with these people after you.
I wouldn't go to your supervisor either, I would go above them to make any complaints, and then I would file a complaint against the supervisor that wrote you up. Good Luck to you.
2018 days ago
Yes you are being sexually harassed and it seems are in a very unsafe situation. I agree with the suggestions. Talk to the police, an attorney, human resources, whoever you can to find out what to do to change this situation. The management should not be laughing, they should be taking action to ensure that you are able to work in a safe environment.
Since sexual harassment can be hard to prove, do you have a way to secretly document what is going on? Like a miniature digital tape recorder in your pocket or work area. A mini camera in your work area or on you. Of course there are the spy devices you can buy online that look like a pen or a watch but is a audio/video recorder - depending on how much you want to invest. Surprisingly I found some online for less than a couple hundred dollars.
It sounds like spy stuff you see on television but I figure there's no "your word against his word" kind of deal if there is audio or video showing exactly what is being said and done.
I hope you are able to get into a more comfortable safer working environment soon - whether it be by reporting this situation and getting action at work or moving on to another job.
2018 days ago
IMHO I agree with all of he above! Always take a non-worker witness with you to talk to boss(neighbor, sister, friend), always document and make copies of EVERYTHING, ACLU and Whistleblower Act can protect you. If you blow the whistle on this employer, , they are proved in the wrong, they could go to jail lose their business, fines,etc. Police need to know, but all should be documented.
Racial slurs, sexual harassment, SEXUAL ASSAULT (body grabbing and body part touching) are FELONIES! What employer wants this known?
IMHO: Nobody can step on me unless I get down on the ground.
RUN, do not walk, to the police station and tell them what is happening and ask what you should do.. Detectives can help you too, in the police station,, attorneys too.. Free consults usually for the first consult.
2018 days ago
Good luck with whatever you choose.
2018 days ago
Yes - this is sexual harassment (not because of what he is doing, which is gross and unacceptable) but because it feels like sexual harassment to you. Report it to your supervisor as soon as you can and call it sexual harassment (don't beat around the bush or try to be "polite" about it), and follow your verbal report up with a written memo.
2018 days ago
You must tell your boss and give him written documentation that you are being harassed and let him know that you are officially reporting it. Tell Billy and tell the POLICE also, file a compliant and send a letter to the head office. YOu must not take a ride with BILLY at all. BILLY IS NOT SAFE. DO NOT RIDE HOME WITH HIM OR WI THIN ONE LAUGHIN ABOUT BILLY BOTHERING YOU!! YOU ARE IN A UNSAFE ENVIRONMENT. TELL SOMEONE FRIEND OR PARENT. DO NOT WORK LATE WITH BILLY !!!
2018 days ago
Walk quietly into your head bosses office and ask him to talk to this guy man to man.. Tell your boss you realise everyone else knows about him, but this guy is not giving up or getting the message your not interested anymore and is increasing his advances which is highly unprofessional during the work day.. Tell your boss, you have stress working around this person and would like a little moral support.. If he shrugged it off with me, I would ask the boss would you prefer he takes it further and the scandale ends in the newspaper of worse I get hurt? In the least tell your boss, so he is warned.. Take someone with you you trust so you have your back covered.. I understand you feel stressed, just keep keep the convo quiet and calm.. Don't give the boss attitude- act terrified and if you cry don't worry.. At some stage someone will get tired of this man and do damage to him if he is not stopped and soon... If no head way with your boss perhaps ask the police what to do, they may not give any ideas but on the other hand they can tell you your rights and when to get ticked of and just phone them inside..
2018 days ago
Comment edited on: 11/19/2011 4:05:12 AM
Run, don't walk to your immediate supervisor and then on up the management chain until you reach the top. You have been sexually harassed and it needs to stop now. Check with your HR resource at your full time job to determine exactly how you should handle this even though it is not happening at your full time job.
2018 days ago
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