Definition of ANGER:
A strong feeling of displeasure or hostility.
v. an·gered, an·ger·ing, an·gers
To make angry; enrage or provoke.
To become angry:
Why am I so angry all the time? I JUST want to be happy! I have been snapping so easily and yelling.
I need to get some of my good endorphins going. I've been trying to find natural ways to lift my spirit-mainly through inspirational and motivational quotes. I also read that the circadian rhythmn is really important too with sleep. I'm all over with my sleep because of work. I will work on that. I've been taking the stairs at work and although I'm out of breath going up 4 flights, I feel so good doing it...knowing I got my heartrate going!
Something that has made my very happy over the past year is my independence and my job. I had kids young, always depended on someone, and I FINALLY feel like I can walk on my own two feet and I love the feeling. Although I'd love to be with my kids 24/7, it's not realistic and I feel like I'm out of my depression because of it. I feel a sense of self worth and importance, other than being just a mom (which I love too obviously)... But I'm angry all the time-no patience at all. Do I feel guilty for working so much, not really, because I have finally found something that makes ME happy. Am I distant with my hubby, yes...do I feel guilty, not really, because I'm happy. What has come over me that has made me so selfish, or at least feel selfish? Has it been that since I was 17 years old, I gave up my life for my kids and husband and all I've done is woke up and said to myself "what can I do to make them happy today?"... for the past couple months, I've woken up and said to myself "what can I do to make MYSELF happy today". The answer is always- work. I'm a nurse. I love what I do. I actually work 2 jobs, one being an ortho/vascular/neuro nurse and the other, a psych nurse. Honestly, my passion is in psych. I LOVE the human brain and love to know how and why it works the way it does. Mental illness is fascinating and something I struggle with myself... why are people depressed, bipolar, schizophrenic, have insomnia, PTSD, panic, eating disorders, etc... I want to help each individual and make a difference. I read as much as I can on the subjects to help my patients.
I love waking up knowing I'm going to work. but why do I feel so angry/stressed knowing I'm coming home from work, or why do I get panic attacks knowing I have a day off? Aren't most people happy to have days off? Aren't most people happy to come home to their spouse/family??
Today was tough. I had not smoked a cigarette since Tuesday, until tonight. I was to the point of inpatience that I had chest pain and needed to just go outside and upwind with a cigarette. I'm not going to beat myself up about it, but I'm going to find a different way to handle my frustrations.
My goal for the weekend is to have more patience than I have been, get a good night sleep, and exercise-because I know that brings up my endorphins... and hopefully it will relieve my anxiety of being home all weekend.
I will end with a quote: "Let the truth make you free" ~Unknown.
Maybe I need to be more honest with myself in life?!
Seize the day!