Some Venting and Random Thoughts
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Was feeling really good about my weight loss and then those feelings came to a screeching halt. It's amazing how much other people's words/actions can make you feel.
I hit 60 pounds, I'm feeling proud, amazed, dare I say it...happy. I can now wear size 10 pants, buttoned!! and comfortably. So I ordered a pair of dress black pants for the holidays. I was thinking DAYUM! I look good in these. Tried them on for my mom and that feeling of euphoria disappeared in seconds. She looked at me like I was still a fat cow, like I should never be seen in public in those pants. I asked her what she thought of the pants. And instead of being supportive and saying something like "wow have you lost weight! Pants look great" she circled around me, checking the size of them in my waist, etc. all the time with this look on her face. All she said was "ok. they fit? ok."
And I walked away. SERIOUSLY?! What the h*ll. Throughout this weight loss I've never heard her say how good I look, or how much I've lost, etc. What she said was "well I see you all the time, I think it's harder for me to see it." REALLY?! Wow.
Now, don't get me wrong, my Mom is amazing and I love her so much. But she's really dropped the ball on this whole weight loss thing. I never heard the end of it when I was putting on the weight, but since losing it, I hear nothing. Really discouraging.
Anyways, I was feeling so bad, so I tried on a bunch of my old clothes that were tight on me at 213 pounds. And that really helped! These clothes were hanging off of me! Just hanging. I can't believe I was ever that big. WoW. That's all I can say about that.
The other thing I'm really discouraged about is that I've lost 61 pounds and I still can't get my engagement ring on my finger!!!! My fingers have not lost any weight. It's incredibly discouraging. I didn't want to have the ring resized, because it was a piece of motivation, to be able to wear it again. I figured after losing some weight I'd be able to wear it. I don't know if I'll ever get it on again!!!!! I really wanted to wear it for the holidays. Maybe I'll bite the bullet and have it resized. Then I have to worry about making it smaller again in the future, but again, I don't know if my fingers will ever shrink!!!! When I was this weight while gaining I could wear the ring. This is so weird. And annoying.
This blog has helped, to express what I'm feeling. Sometimes it just gets to be too much and I have to let it out.
Oh! Another thing I'm excited about. I'll be seeing some of my fiance's family this year for Thanksgiving, and they haven't seen me in a year. Last time they saw me I was 213 pounds. This year, I'll be 151 at Thanksgiving. I'm excited to see their faces :) And I'll probably be wearing those dang black pants.....