Talking to my ass
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Today I went walking/jogging again but I did not go willingly. My ass made me do it.
Me: It is cold outside! I do not want to go out and walk 2.2 miles in this chilly wind!
My ass: Sure, okay, let's sit around and I'll keep you warm with my tremendous fat deposits!
Me: Big Fat Ass, that does not make me feel better!
Ass: Well, it shouldn't.
Me: *consideringly* ...but I really don't want to go out in the chilly November-in-Wisconsin wind, either.
Thighs: We can keep you warm by rubbing together as you walk!
Me: Thunder thighs, this does not make me feel better either!
Ass: Uh, duh? You want to feel better? Get off of me and let's get outside where I can jiggle as you run.
Me: *sullenly pulling on sweats*
Belly: Yeah! I want to bounce around flabbily and I'm not doin' it sitting around here with Big Fat Ass and Thunder Thighs!
Me: *grumpy* I'm going, I'm going, but...
Ass: Yeah, butt all right. Now get out there, fat girl, and run!
Me: *putting on shoes* I will not miss you when you are gone, Big Fat Ass.
Ass: I won't miss you either. Now get out there!
Me: *2.2 miles in 37 minutes later* Yeah! That was great and I feel good!