Wednesday, November 16, 2011
It had been a month since Erhard, my beloved husband of thirty years, suddenly passed away after a massive stroke. The past month had been trying... there was all the minutiae and detail required of filing a dozen different forms and writing countless letters. There was the gnawing sorrow that ebbed only occasionally... there were the long nights.
But last Saturday we finally had his funeral mass... there had been a delay to allow for organ and tissue donation as well as cremation and during those weeks it was almost impossible for me to concentrate on school. Now coming to the end of my first week back at school I finally feel like I am bringing my whole self to my studies. This is life part two... money is extremely tight, I have a month of work to catch up with, and there are still interminable nights of loneliness... but I am ready and moving forward.
In the past six weeks I have lost the thirteen pounds that had crept back on during the last couple of years... I am ready to make more progress now – and 1400 calories seems to be my ideal number. I know that I must return to my exercise routine as well, and once school is finished for the semester I will have the time to figure out just how to incorporate more than just walking into my fitness program. I would be lying if I said that my pain levels have decreased... but I know that once I start working out again things should get better...
So much to do... so much to feel... one step at a time.