A Lot Of 'First Day's Back'
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Going through my sparkpeople usually always motivates me. I could be sitting on the couch eating cookies and milk watching survivor man. But once again I find myself with the motivation I need to get back on track. Reading through my old blogs gives me anxieity. Is this just going to be another 'I'm back' blog with no real results? I pray not.
I have been struggling with this thorn in my flesh for nearly 6 years. That is WAY longer then I expected. I know why. It's because I dont feel worthy. DEEP down in my heart of hearts I don't feel loved enough to be worth fighting for. Daddy issues- lots of them- surfacing in ways I never saw coming. My head knows better. I know God loves me, I know He created me for a purpose and He faught for me on the cross. But I need to FEEL that.
When Ive been working out and eating right I feel so close to God and I truly feel His love for me but then I endulge my flesh, feel guilty and then get stuck in a pattern of overeating and not careing fooling myself into beleive 'its ok I deserve it' or 'its the last huraah'.
My heart must change for me to change. So here's hopeing and praying! Harrass me my friends- the more comments I get the more I get on sparkpeople which helps me stay focused ;)