I don't know if I can do it...
Thursday, November 10, 2011
So this is the third time I've had to write this blog, since the hotel internet connection keeps timing out before I hit Post. Each time I've written it, I am more annoyed with my whininess, but I am going to try a shortened version.
I need help.
I almost reached my goal weight three and a half years ago. Since then, I keep digging myself deeper holes and creating more bad habits and bad feelings.
I'm tired. I'm unhappy.
Although food/weight is not the only issue in my life, it's certainly not helping. I eat poorly and too much, and my body feels bad. Then I emotionally feel bad. Then I eat even worse. I know what to do! Eat less, eat healthier. In that order. Keep improving until the weight loss occurs to the extent that my body feels good again.
But I don't think I can do it. I don't think I'm capable.
I don't know if I can fix myself. I don't know if it's possible.
If I don't believe, it won't happen.
Member Comments About This Blog Post
Hi Lauren, I'm back at Sparkpeople and calorie counting after taking several years off. I can relate to a lot of what you say above. My advise is to really dig deeper into the other aspects of your life. Everything is related. For people like you (I'm the same), emotional eating due to other issues. So if you get that sorted out, you'll be on the right track towards a healthier relationship with food. It's definitely harder than continuing to diet/binge/diet/binge but it's the only way to get through it. Hope you take care of yourself and learn to give yourself a break too!!
2166 days ago
Sorry for taking so long to come back here- I read this blog and didn't know what to write at that moment and then... I just never made it back- but I thought of you a few times, hoping that you are in better spirits!
The thing is- I know you got it in you and I hope that with some time passing, you were able to tap into that part of you that feels hopeful and motivated to go after your goals- not just in terms of weight loss, but whatever it is that was "eating" at you- burnout maybe?
It's tough when you feel cruddy like that- when frustrationg takes over. It has happened to me.... one too many times and my heart really goes to anyone that has to feel like crap or trapped or just plain frustrated.
It's weird, but sometimes, when I am headed toward burnout, just being gentle to myself seems soo hard to do, yet it is usually just what ultimately ends up getting me back to finding my motivation and not just in terms of weight stuff/food etc.
I hope you got some R&R or some time to take a step back and figure out what it is that you need, want and can do :-)
2171 days ago
You CAN do it- just start over with small steps at a time. Don't expect to change everything all at once (how often you work out, what you eat, etc) because that's asking the impossible. Pick one or two small things to focus on each week, and you will eventually get back to where you want to be. And I agree with Kphadlock- sometimes you make mistakes and that is OK. You just got to keep moving and remember that one poor choice will not undo everything you've done.
2222 days ago
Focus on one small thing that you can do today! You don't need to change everything right now. Once you have small successes you will begin to believe in yourself once again.
Also, be kind and gentle and forgiving to yourself. You truly are doing your best to take care of yourself. Remember that we are here for support. You don't need to be alone.
2228 days ago
I agree with the folks that say take it one step at a time, one meal at a time, one day at a time. Once you get through a few short term goals, you will start to believe that you CAN do this.
Aim for one good, healthy day. Then try for three healthy days, then 5, then 7. Don't beat yourself up for the times when you don't follow through. Just start the timer over and move on.
Take a minute to write some things down, sort out the OTHER stuff that's weighing you down. If you can gain a little perspective on the big picture, it may not seem quite so overwhelming.
Hang in there. You can do this. You are stronger than you know.
2229 days ago
Your blog popped up on the IOWL team stream.
Are you still listening to the podcasts?
Around 3.5 years ago, I was also at goal weight. I gained some back, but started listening to IOWL before it got out of control.
I haven't re-lost all the re-gain, but I'm at a place where I feel pretty comfortable. Not because I'm a great size--but because I'm working on fixing the inside stuff before finishing the outside....
2229 days ago
I was recently taught you have to figure out your why. What is your ultimate why? For me, my why is: I want my outside to reflect who I know I am on the inside. I don't want to "settle" for less than AWESOME. Sounds corny I know. But once you know your why then the whats...all the choices in between are just steps supporting the why. Hope that makes sense. It has really helped me to stay on track and not cheat myself.
2229 days ago
You know what works for you, you can do it! Start small...one really really healthy meal.
2229 days ago
Actually, sometimes we can do things in spite of ourselves. Don't worry about whether it's possible to fix yourself permanently. Just get a few good days under your belt, which might start with just going a few hours without nibbling or scarfing anything. You CAN do that. You can't really think clearly about your options and strengths if you are under the influence of food.
2229 days ago
Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.