Thursday, November 10, 2011
I dont know what it is about us guys but we do not like to admit much when it comes to anything that we consider our own weaknesses. As a matter of fact, we, for the most part are not a chatty bunch at all. If one does not agree with that, then explain why the "men only" teams are always quiet. very little posting of any kind.
I guess that is what makes us different...i suppose.
This is probably the safest forum for me to let it out. I dont want to blog about it but I have learned that if you dont want to do it, chances are pretty good that that is what you SHOULD be doing.
I have been struggling big time. granted it is not all the time but it has been happening alot of late which is why I dumped all of my team leadership positions. I couldnt handle anything that even had the appearance of obligation.
There are moments where it feels like I am wrapped in an ice cold blanket. I can usually shrug it off and when I workout, it mostly goes away and I feel much better. I am, however, not content to just roll with the punches and live with it. I have been doing alot of self examination to find out what the heck is going on and what is triggering it.
It is the most pronounced when...
1) I am on night shift. lots of social isolation.
2) 12 midnight shifts - the worst!
3) When I feel like I am not living up to my responsibilities at home.
4) when I am treated with disrespect at work - which seems to happen alot lately.
There are others but this is a good start.
Rather than live in a swirl of confused emotions, I am identifying those things that always seem to be bothering me, then attack them in small ways, just like any other goal.
To tell the truth, I am not unfamiliar with this at all. I have struggled with this stuff for the majority of my life. This also probably explains why I am happiest when I am pursuing and seeing results from achieving major goals.
I feel that people will respect me more if I reveal more than just the "woo hoo" side of me. I guess I have been afraid if I reveal the less than perfect side of me that I will lose friends or no one will read my blogs. There are enough boo-hoo's in the world and people are looking for encouragement, not a truckload of someone elses problems. That's why we come to SP, to get a lift, a boost in the right direction and to connect with people that are making it and draw new strength for the journey.
Positive energy is a valuable commodity in a negative world.
You folks have been so kind and encouraging to me with your comments even though I dont give much in return in the way of comments, goodies etc... Time is always a problem for me so it is kind of depressing to get so much from you and give so little in return. No one likes a freeloader.
***On a positive note...
I have been successful in the weight loss department...finally. I will blog about what is working once I have actually made it past my lowest recent weight. That way, it will be a little more concrete rather than claiming something works when all it was was simply my weight feathering down after a rather caloric vacation and I have returned to my normal routine and my weight goes back to its original set point because the higher weight is not normal for me with my activity level.
SO far I have lost 9 pounds. If this is what works, this will be the end of a 14 month plateau with no significant losses and the data would be of interest to runners who are really struggling with losing weight in spite of all the running.
It should take about a month to really see if this is what is going to truly work but it looks positive.