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My struggles....

Thursday, November 10, 2011

I dont know what it is about us guys but we do not like to admit much when it comes to anything that we consider our own weaknesses. As a matter of fact, we, for the most part are not a chatty bunch at all. If one does not agree with that, then explain why the "men only" teams are always quiet. very little posting of any kind.

I guess that is what makes us different...i suppose.

This is probably the safest forum for me to let it out. I dont want to blog about it but I have learned that if you dont want to do it, chances are pretty good that that is what you SHOULD be doing.

I have been struggling big time. granted it is not all the time but it has been happening alot of late which is why I dumped all of my team leadership positions. I couldnt handle anything that even had the appearance of obligation.

There are moments where it feels like I am wrapped in an ice cold blanket. I can usually shrug it off and when I workout, it mostly goes away and I feel much better. I am, however, not content to just roll with the punches and live with it. I have been doing alot of self examination to find out what the heck is going on and what is triggering it.

It is the most pronounced when...
1) I am on night shift. lots of social isolation.
2) 12 midnight shifts - the worst!
3) When I feel like I am not living up to my responsibilities at home.
4) when I am treated with disrespect at work - which seems to happen alot lately.

There are others but this is a good start.

Rather than live in a swirl of confused emotions, I am identifying those things that always seem to be bothering me, then attack them in small ways, just like any other goal.

To tell the truth, I am not unfamiliar with this at all. I have struggled with this stuff for the majority of my life. This also probably explains why I am happiest when I am pursuing and seeing results from achieving major goals.


I feel that people will respect me more if I reveal more than just the "woo hoo" side of me. I guess I have been afraid if I reveal the less than perfect side of me that I will lose friends or no one will read my blogs. There are enough boo-hoo's in the world and people are looking for encouragement, not a truckload of someone elses problems. That's why we come to SP, to get a lift, a boost in the right direction and to connect with people that are making it and draw new strength for the journey.

Positive energy is a valuable commodity in a negative world.

You folks have been so kind and encouraging to me with your comments even though I dont give much in return in the way of comments, goodies etc... Time is always a problem for me so it is kind of depressing to get so much from you and give so little in return. No one likes a freeloader.

***On a positive note...

I have been successful in the weight loss department...finally. I will blog about what is working once I have actually made it past my lowest recent weight. That way, it will be a little more concrete rather than claiming something works when all it was was simply my weight feathering down after a rather caloric vacation and I have returned to my normal routine and my weight goes back to its original set point because the higher weight is not normal for me with my activity level.

SO far I have lost 9 pounds. If this is what works, this will be the end of a 14 month plateau with no significant losses and the data would be of interest to runners who are really struggling with losing weight in spite of all the running.

It should take about a month to really see if this is what is going to truly work but it looks positive.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DIHEALTHYHAPPY 11/14/2011 12:03AM

    You give a lot by being so real. I am really interested in hearing about your weight loss because I was maintaining my goal weight before I started running. I put on my 15 - 20 lb. since I've started running. I am addicted so can't give up the running but am desperate to get back to goal weight. Thanks for all of your inspiration.

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SALLY_MANDER 11/13/2011 10:04PM

    Congratulations on your loss and cracking the plateau!

And extra Congratulations on being motivator of the day - you deserve it so much.

No one is perfect - ever. And anyone who expects you to be, doesn't understand or appreciate all that you are. We all have our bad days/weeks/etc, and that's why we have Spark - so we have an outlet to express our feelings to others who (hopefully) do understand. Don't worry about being a 'downer' or feeling bad because you can't give enough (who gets to determine that, anyway?!); I, for one, don't expect you to be the smiling cheerleader all the time.

I'm sorry you're having a tough time, and I wish there was something I could do to make it better for you. In the mean time, I hope you know you are cared for, respected, and loved in this community. And to many of us, you're exactly just right.

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NIGHTSKYSTAR 11/13/2011 9:26AM

    Lets do a paradigm shift here and think of it this way. You give others a GIFT when you allow them to help you. Encourage you. lift you up.
Everyone needs to vent (Lord knows i do) and i think thats what give and take are all about. Hey, you have been here for me when i need you.
Example. my aunt. i love her so much sometimes it hurts. but she NEVER lets me help. never. and i feel bad because of that, especially since she spent her whole life helping everyone else. shes 93 for goodness sake!! but still..she doesnt let anyone help!!! Imagine my joy if she would let me..just once.
So see? when you let us help you are giving us happy, too.
We are here for you!!
and congrats on the loss. i'm stuck again myself but its because of myself i'm sure.
You are an inspiration to us all!

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IMIN2GENES 11/12/2011 8:04PM

    We're here to share it all! The good, bad and ugly. Our journeys aren't going to be all sunshine and roses and it's nice to know that we aren't alone in that department either. You've got to do what's right for you and if sharing helps then share. You've been such an inspiration for me and I'll be right here to keep cheering you on.
Chris
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PS- Congrats on the loss!!

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KAREN_NY 11/12/2011 7:09PM

    Just a little reminder that it makes us feel good to contribute a little cheer to someone else. No freeloading, no worries. :)

A very girly blog response,
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lol
K:)

PS - Congrats on the cracks in that plateau! Put on your goggles 'cuz it's gonna shatter!!

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WONDERWOMAN 11/12/2011 5:42PM

    Hello my Friend!
I'm taking a quasi-break from Spark, but trying to keep up a little. As always, you need to take care of YOU! It really is more about what you get from us than what you give us. It is all give and take and believe me, over time - you've given way more than you've taken. Maybe it is time you start taking more. What can we do for you?!

I'm home now - let me know your schedule - maybe we can do a Starbucks soon? Just send me a text.

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2WHEELEDSHARON 11/12/2011 4:12PM

    Do what YOU need to do for YOU, Robert! I know you've given a lot of people a lot of inspiration just by being you, so keep it up and let us take what we will or won't from it! Right?!

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GREYLOCKES1 11/12/2011 12:11PM

    Hang in there Buddy, Just think of this as a rediscovery period. I read and article was going to save it for you but forgot to mark it. It talked about the mental side of the after marathon and how it can linger long after you recover physically. Put that on top of a rotating schedule and you can understand where you are. So that is the past. Just keep working your plan and concentrate on the positive in your life. You get there.

Keep Sparking

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IMJUSTFLUFFY 11/12/2011 10:03AM

    I agree with whomever said...we are family & accept the ups & downs of our fellow team mates.
Just be yourself & on with your journey! All the best to you & wishing you success!
Rhonda

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LOGOULD 11/12/2011 8:57AM

    Thanks for being so real Robert. We all need to hear about the struggling parts too.....at least I do. I feel like I've been going through one of those periods too, where I'm not getting closer to where I want my weight to stabilize and the forward motion seems to have ground to a halt. I'm just trying to hang onto the fact that even standing still is better than going backwards. CONGRATULATIONS on your remarkable weight loss.....can't wait to hear how you've been doing it!

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CCHELLEZ 11/11/2011 11:55PM

  I wish I could turn my Spark blog posts on public and off public. Sometimes I want to vent but don't want to vent publicly. So I choose not to post. But in my opinion, blog what ever and however you feel (within those community guideline).

It's then our choice to read, comment, or pass.
The blog is for you not for anyone else.

The comments are to support and encourage you in healthy directions.

I'm no expert but you sound like you experience depression. Not saying you should medicate, but perhaps learning to recognize it and how to address.

Today's SparkPeople Editor's Choice (Start Page) is about depression in men being different from condition in women.

Exercise is one of the mood elevating lifestyle adjustments.

Having interests outside of work, which cultivate your self esteem, like CrossFit or other exercise, can also help you cope with the workplace drag.

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LIV2RIDE 11/11/2011 3:25PM

    It's funny that you are explaining that men are just quiet and don't talk a lot. My friend and I were just talking about that very thing last night. Thankfully my husband is the quiet thinker. I'm more reactionary. It's a nice balance.

I'm glad you have busted through your plateau. I know you struggled with it. emoticon

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KAREN42BOYS 11/11/2011 2:01PM

    I am fine with you not being perky all the time. Thanks for being honest.

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CBAILEYC 11/11/2011 11:26AM

    Sometimes, the best encouragement one can find is to discover that they are not alone in the struggle, that there are people out there, just like themselves, who have a hard time, a bad day, a rotten experience, or a simple schlump.

That's the thing about family, y'know? We accept each other, the good parts and the bad parts, and keep on supporting each other. That's what you've got here, Robert, and we support you, woohoo or boohoo.

Congrats on the success of your loss!
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C~

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BILL60 11/11/2011 8:11AM

    By the looks of the comments posted, you're way off. We appreciate you bunches and feel for what you're going through. I believe that the message from all of us is that friendship is listening without expecting anything in return. Hang tough!!

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SARAWALKS 11/11/2011 3:55AM

    Amen to the rest of these comments - you are certainly no freeloader, don't even think it...
We all have these days when we struggle and it is easier if we accept that we are going to have them and stay connected anyway. It may indeed be harder for guys to admit that but I think there might be fewer ulcers in the world if we did share the feelings from time to time. Sharing is different from wallowing...
Although a good wallow is also allowed and sometimes therapeutic!
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IMSMILEY88 11/10/2011 10:31PM

    First of all, you are NOT a freeloader! And, I love what TYKXBOY said, too.

As far as the BooHoo's, it's kind of like they say...we would never know what good was without bad, what happy is without sad, what beauty is without ugly, etc! And, none of us on this journey have only great, positive days. We all have some setbacks. We don't just make the decision to get healthy & to run (or whatever) and that's it...problem solved. There are good times & bad times. Sometimes the bad times are hours, sometimes days, sometimes weeks, and sometimes even months!

I'm glad to hear you've lost a few pounds again! I know you'll feel great when you feel you've busted through that plateau! And, your job just sounds TOUGH!!! I can't imagine working the late hours & in 'isolation' (or semi-isolation or whatever). Just keep on pushing through and you'll get through this tough time!

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TRUE-NESS 11/10/2011 8:19PM

    We ALLLLLL need a pick me up sometimes. And we ALLLLL need to be that pick me upper sometimes. It goes both ways. You are human. We are here to support you. HUGS.

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RHONDALYN10 11/10/2011 7:59PM

    What can I say that hasn't already been said? I loved TYKXBOY's comment - well said.
Congrats on the weight loss! Breaking a plateau is a huge boost!

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ALOFA0509 11/10/2011 7:56PM

   
Hugs brutha!!!!

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MIQUEY73 11/10/2011 7:27PM

    I completely understand where you are coming from. Time is a major issue for me as well.

I enjoy reading your blogs and don't expect anything in return. Like someone else said, this journey is full of WooHoo's and BooHoo's. I've had my fair share of both.

Take care! emoticon

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VALERIEMAHA 11/10/2011 7:11PM

    "Time is always a problem for me so it is kind of depressing to get so much from you and give so little in return. No one likes a freeloader."
Does.Not.Compute. Does.Not.Compute. Does.Not.Compute. Does.Not.Compute. Does.Not.Compute. Does.Not.Compute. Does.Not.Compute. Does.Not.Compute. Does.Not.Compute. Does.Not.Compute. Does.Not.Compute. Does.Not.Compute. Does.Not.Compute. Does.Not.Compute. Does.Not.Compute. Does.Not.Compute. Does.Not.Compute. Does.Not.Compute. Does.Not.Compute. Does.Not.Compute.

Oh, and I really like the way GETFIT2LIVE puts it. Simply not you, Robert!
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Maha
P.S. My brother also worked a rotating schedule for many years, and MAN did it mess with him...in so many ways! It should seriously be outlawed.

Comment edited on: 11/10/2011 7:27:12 PM

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TYKXBOY 11/10/2011 6:09PM

    The WooHoo and the BooHoo go hand-in-hand because without the BooHoo there would be no WooHoo. So, feel free to BooHoo all you want and we'll be here to help you through the BooHoo to the WooHoo.
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Comment edited on: 11/10/2011 6:09:29 PM

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AMEDEAU 11/10/2011 6:07PM

    It sounds like you are taking a positive approach to resolve the issues and feelings you are having. Working on manageable chunks is the way to go.

Just take it all one day at a time, and never give up. emoticon

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LINDAKAY228 11/10/2011 6:06PM

    I know what you mean about always wanting to post the positives and not the negatives. But I've learned (which didn't come easy to me) that when I'm down and let the support come it really helps me. We will all have up times and down times and we support each other through all of them. I wish I had some awesome words that make it all go away but I have yet to find those for anyone or for myself. Sometimes it takes a little time for us to find what pulls us each individually back out of those down times. But know that we are all here supporting you and will rejoice with you in the triumphs and be with you in the struggles. Congratulations on the weight loss!!! That is awesome!

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GETFIT2LIVE 11/10/2011 6:02PM

    Freeloader?! That is never a word I'd think of in connection with you, Robert. My husband worked night shift for the bulk of the first, oh, 10 years or so of our marriage, so I'm acutely aware of the impact it has both on the person doing it and their family; it messes with you in so many ways, and having a rotating schedule is the *worst* of all. You're allowed--no, ENTITLED--to express what you're feeling, positive or negative. That's part of what blogs are for, from my perspective, to share the good, bad, and ugly of the journey.

I am very happy to hear that the scale is moving in the right direction for you again. I hope you're truly breaking through that plateau for good--and can share the data with the rest of us!

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 11/10/2011 6:01PM

    Yes, we're all here for your WooHoo moments, but you need to know that we're also here for the BooHoo moments. Those moments are what we're all best at. We've all seen the sturuggles, but not so many of us have seen too many WooHoo's. We're going to read your blogs because we care about YOU and your success, and your struggles. We love hearing about the marathons and the weight loss, but we we're more intersted in YOU. Hang in the friend *HUGS*

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KKINNEA 11/10/2011 5:43PM

    Yes, I hope you've busted through your plateau. And definitely feel like you can say anything you need here - that's why we're here, support!

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KITHKINCAID 11/10/2011 5:40PM

    There are some friends that I have here that I know no matter what I post, they will comment on it, give me goodies, pats on the back, etc. I value those people more than you know even though I can't always return the favour. We all do what we can here, and that's all that's expected of you.

You know I've been struggling too. Mostly mentally. Have had some big blocks that have not been at all easy to break down and that's been causing me to eat. And not just to eat, but to binge. So if you've found something that's working for you weight-loss wise through all the other stuff - AMAZING. Keep it up.

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CLPURNELL 11/10/2011 5:31PM

    emoticon

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STEPHM-ARATHON 11/10/2011 5:11PM

    I actually don't like the positive blogs as much as the more grounded ones. I like to know that others struggle with the same things I do. That's more of why I joined Spark. To read about the real life struggles of losing weight and getting healthy and fit. It's not all positive. Sometimes it's hard. And to know that it's not just hard for you is important.

But I'm glad you're finding something that works for you in terms of weight-loss post-marathon. I am too. Keep it up!

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KJDOESLIFE 11/10/2011 5:01PM

    Hang in there! I'm looking forward to reading about your weight loss efforts as I've been struggling there as well.

It's true that it's hard to follow a blogger that is always "woe is me!" but the occasional post about your struggles isn't a negative - it's a chance to get to know you better! I hope you get a break from night shift. :)

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FITFOODIE806 11/10/2011 4:59PM

    I love reading your blogs. positive, negative, running, weight loss, cute pics of dad/daughter time, whatever... There is something special about voice. Don't feel bad about being real. I agree with you: people will respect you more.

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MICRAELIE 11/10/2011 3:45PM

    Hang in there, Robert. You are inspiration without even trying, you know . . . your achievements, how hard you've work to get hem -- that is a gift to all of us. Here's hoping you continue the hard work of looking inward, and loving yourself.

Peace.



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LAURIE5658 11/10/2011 3:40PM

    Robert, if you can't come to Spark, where can you go to? We are all here because we simply "get" the trials and tribulations that we all share...striving for a healthy lifestyle and happiness.

I have also been under extreme stress and I have found that simply taking it one day at a time and not looking too far out into the future helps. Lots of prayers have also helped me.

I know that you have been in very trying times and on a positive note, look at the scale move! In the right direction too! RAWK!

You can and WILL get through this rough patch. Think of it as growing pains LOL!

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LADYGWEN25 11/10/2011 3:38PM

    sometimes we all take a little more than we give.. Depends on what's happening in life.. I consider the time i gave gave gave to be good payback from when i need to give less and take more.. You're doing the same and you're doing fine my friend. congrats ontheplateau busting...Keep it up!

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CIVIAV 11/10/2011 3:20PM

    I can't even begin to identify you with the word Freeloader. You have given me so much and more from simply sharing what you've been up to. Your struggles have come at a time I have also be wrestling a lot and your musings give me food for thought.

We have different plans, are different people but somehow our friendship offers me something I don't get from my 'real' running friends and let's me know I am not alone, weird or alien.

I never knew that's what I wanted but I'd really rather have this than even the cruise spark goodie. That said, if you'd like to share some of that 9lb weight loss, I'd be happy to accept!
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_JODI404 11/10/2011 3:15PM

    That's why we come to SP, to get a lift, a boost in the right direction and to connect with people that are making it and draw new strength for the journey". All true, but life is UPS and downs. Not all ups. I personally don't expect every blog I read to be wooo hooo and positive. I think the blog is yours, your tool. I am here not only to find inspiration, but also to give support when needed! I think that is a big part of Sparkpeople left off of your list.

Anyone that is a true Sparkfriend will not bail on you when you are struggling. I'm pretty certain you will receive a lot of replies to this blog, containing much support.

Being treated disrespectfully is a hard one, especially in the workplace where it can be hard to avoid the offenders. I wish I had answers myself.

I applaud you for getting this off your chest. I have no doubt at all that you will work through this. And although you need more time to validate it -- I still say CONGRATS on 9lbs gone!!! That is AWESOME!!! I'm very happy for you!

I will speak for myself -- I am here for the ups & the downs... here's hoping the shifts change soon, and things will start to get better soon. The way you obliterate obstacles, I'm pretty sure they will.


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PIXIEMOM13 11/10/2011 3:13PM

    I *DO* respect you more for this post. Life isn't all "woo-hoos" tho we might wish that were so. If someone as together and positive as you struggles... well, it makes me more accepting of my own struggles. I hope that makes sense!

I wish I could offer something more than a hope that things get better for you!

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SAPHRAEL 11/10/2011 3:10PM

    Nice blog...thanks for sharing. I didn't realize the men only forums were quieter since I don't frequent them!!

I think it's good that you recognized you signed up for more than you could handle and backed off the leadership positions. Life happens. Don't feel too bad about that.

I feel the same way you do about reciprocating encouragement on Spark People. Sometimes I just don't have the time. But I hope everyone understands my heartfelt thanks, even though I didn't send a note back.

I look forward to hearing about how you broke through your 14 month plateau. I'm competing for accolades with the Slowest Loser, so I can honestly say I haven't experienced a plateau yet.

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KATHY_NATURELVR 11/10/2011 3:03PM

    Yes, it is very typical of men to be somewhat speechless. You do very well with your blogs! Sorry things have been tough for you, I hope they turn around soon!

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