Wednesday, November 09, 2011
After failing to lead my team in the fall challenge, I have come to realize that my eating habits are serious and I am seeking help with that. Being team leader was enough for so long to help me keep control of my eating, but for some reason I couldn't hold on this time around and as I put all the pounds back on that I worked so hard for I was so ashamed I had to just run. I need spark in my life, I need my team, I need the support more than ever, but unfortunately it just isn't enough. I do not have the support at home that I need to do this, I have a wonderful husband but he doesn't struggle the way I do, he can eat whatever whenever and it never affects him. He has a physically active job and I have a desk job.
Before when I left spark a few years ago, I left for the same reason, I was done working so hard. I was done missing all the foods I loved. And when I came back I was fired up and ready to conquer the world. This time I am not. This time I come back with my head down, and spirits low. I know I can do it, deep down it's there, but I have to work even harder to have it. I have to reach deep inside, so much that I am reaching outside. I do not have the strength to do this on my own. I have to put my struggles in the hands of a higher power of someone that can handle anything given to him. I accepted Jesus Christ many years ago, but it's interesting that I only allow him in on certain parts of my life and for some reason my eating and overeating I have felt is my issue and not his, that i can easily control it, but obviously this is not the case. I have gone from 275 down to 180 back up to 260 back down to 185 back up to now 245. Obviously I cannot do it on my own.