Tuesday, November 08, 2011
I feel like my life is a big ol' mess....work stress, weight gain stress, winter coming stress, etc. etc. My house is a disaster and a source of constant frustration but I am just so overwhelmed right now that I can't seem to get out from under the mess....my work is stressful, 3 people yelled at me yesterday about their stuff, in a job that usually has minimal customer angst...I feel like a chicken with no head, running around trying desperately to stay on top of things and falling short, and this sense that my boss is disappointed (understandably, though) that she is stuck with me while they laid off the person that helped her the MOST for all those years....my weight continues to go up, my eating choices are poor, and I feel like a big bag of poo as a direct result of the poor choices. Yet I don't stop. I. JUST. NEED. TO. STOP. And I don't mean stop and sit at home, because sitting at home seems to just be a copout/zone out/ do-nothing area for me to be in.
I need to run away. To Jamaica. Lol.
Or I need to find the strength to take that first step and get some control and semblance of decency back in my life. It all starts with one step. One step in the right direction. Although that's not entirely accurate either....I've had a few 'starts' in the right direction, but keep getting sidelined. I guess the key is to just keep taking those steps anyway, even if it seems insurmountable.
I need to get my life back. I don't like feeling like I'm being swept along by overwhelming forces. The only one that can change that is ME.
My boss keeps telling me about the EAP plan at work, but I'm scared to use it--I've heard of companies doing mass layoffs (like ours is) and laying off EAP users since they 'cost more' and demonstrate that they can't cope with stress as well.
I'm so effing paranoid about losing my job....I almost wish I would just LOSE it so I can stop worrying about losing it, you know what I mean?