I want to thank all of you for posting on my blog last week- all 22 of you- you know who you are!!!! It was a very moving feeling inside to know that so many of you care about someone you have never met. It was a hard week and I am still in shock over the whole thing.
Monday was the day I had my fasting blood sugar done again. It was after cutting out lots of sugar and even coffee- ugh! I am not a sugar junkie, but I had a few friends- my husband and Vino- who were watching over me. So, I wasn't surprised that my level dropped from 132 to 111. So, instead of being tagged, "Diabetic", the label was "Prediabetic".
So, here it is- Thursday, and I am still trying my best to wrap my brain around the whole thing. Seems that since I was diagnosed with high blood sugar, that all I have craved IS sugar....I was talking to Vino about it yesterday, because I thought maybe I was subconsciously trying to kill myself or something, but he said it is perfectly normal for diabetics to crave sugar....GO FIGURE!
I have been beating myself up. I did Atkins for 5 years, from 2003-2008. When I said I did Atkins, I mean I was a strict follower of about 30 grams of carbs a day for nearly 5 years....NO SUGAR, NO FLOUR, NO POTATO OR RICE. It wasn't until I started SparkPeople that I stopped doing Atkins and started following a balanced diet- took a while to stop trying to revert to Atkins. I did try, but not only did I stop losing weight, but I was gaining.
My reasoning brain has processed all of this and come to the conclusion that the very diet I turned to to change my life, became a vehicle that may have contributed to my body not knowing what to do with sugar...It is not easy to wonder what exactly happened, but I have to let it go.
I have to forgive myself for the years of abuse I gave my body. I can't change what I did, but I can move on. I have changed my nutritional tracker to the setting to follow a diabetic diet, so that I can begin to understand what a diabetic diet is all about. I have a small window of opportunity to take control of my diet now, so that I don't have that control taken away from me by not caring.
The funny part is that I am now having to control my sugar and carbs again. This time it is a totally different thing. I was obsessed with Atkins for 5 years and lost a lot of weight doing it. Now I am going to do my best to eat a balanced, low sugar, low fat diet that is made for people like me. I have to harness all the courage I can again, so that I can just maybe reverse the time and give myself another 5-10 years before having to look at the diagnosis of "Diabetes" again.
My weight has been fluctuating quite a bit since I changed from the water pill to the anti hypertensive drug. I am still having some really hard mornings where I wake up very foggy and can hardly move. I am recording the lowest weight of the week, in hopes that I can maintain that weight soon.
Thanks again for being such a super supportive group of friends. I love you all!!!!