My Worst Enemy
Wednesday, November 02, 2011
I'm going to stop being my own worst enemy. Right now. Today. Period.
October was not a very good month, although I have to say that I had an awful lot of fun. I also made some very bad choices that have caused that ever annoying number on the scale to come back up closer to 260. This isn't really a confession, just a diary of sorts so that I can write it down and move on.
Where to begin? Well, let's start with the trip to Vegas. My cousin J was coming up on her 1 year anniversary, but sadly the marriage has already ended. So, she and I and her sister A and half-sister E decided to celebrate her anniversary instead by going to Vegas and getting her drunk and distracted enough to not care anymore. Isn't that what Vegas is for? J wanted the four of us girls to get dressed up for one of the nights, so I bought a dress and then planned to spend the last two weeks or so strictly dieting to try to get as skinny as possible before we left on Oct. 7th. Yeah, you know what happened -- MAJOR BACKFIRE. Instead, I ate everything that wasn't nailed down. But so did my cousins and you know what, so what. We had a great time. My dress fit fabulously, and I felt better than I ever had before in that dress. And it was a size 20! I am SO close to the teens, but I digress.
In Vegas, we all carb-loaded like we'd never before had a potato. We had potatoes in two forms at an Irish pub, washed down with lots of liquor, then more potatoes and breakfast off the Strip on Saturday morning, fries that night, and even more liquor, and then there was the road trip food too for the two 5-hour drives. Needless to say, we really packed it all in during those 3 days. We also walked and danced a ton. On Saturday, I logged over 26,000 steps on my fitbit!
There was one unfortunate part of this trip to Vegas. I thought I was having some sort of severe allergy attack to the smoke and perfume and all the bad air in the casinos because I couldn't breathe, but would feel marginally better every time we went outside. But nope. Wrong again. I was getting a bad cold. The drive home on Sunday was miserable and I slept the entire day away on Columbus Day - thank God it was a day off.
That next week, Oct. 11th through 14th was my last at my miserable previous job. I'm still in the same office, just in a different department. I was sick the entire week. And my a-hole of a supervisor wouldn't let me take annual leave for the last two days and I didn't want to call in sick and let him think that I was faking it after he denied my annual leave request. The whole thing was a big mess, but I don't really want to talk about it, because it's behind me for the most part.
On Oct. 17th, I started my new job and got thrown immediately into two gigantic projects for which I had an enormous learning curve. I had to do so much reading and cramming. I felt like I was back in college or law school! I tried to make good food choices and work out, but I wasn't very consistent. A day or two on plan and then a day or two or six off.
On October 21st and 22nd I started exercising again and committed to working out every day for the rest of 2011. Hence my "Day 2" update on my sparkpage. And there I sabotaged myself again.
On October 23rd, I did my stupidest thing to date. I was making homemade macaroni and cheese - which yeah, was a bad idea to begin with - but the worst part was when I dumped an entire 5 quart pan of boiling water down the front of myself. I ended up with what I think was probably a 2nd degree burn on my stomach. It was NASTY. 10 days later, I'm still healing, but it's getting better. I was in so much pain that I really couldn't make myself work out and then I ended up eating way too much of the mac and cheese. The worst part is that it didn't even turn out good. But I kept eating it anyway. Oh there's a blog in that issue all on its own.
Anyway, by Tuesday or so, I felt good enough to do some walking and reconnected with my friend Kenya who inspired me to get back on track again. So, again I walked for 2 days in a row and felt great. But then what happened last Thursday? I have no idea except that the lazy bug bit me. And again on Friday. What the hell? I compounded the damage with lunch out with my former coworkers and ate a ginormous calzone. What is wrong with me? Where did my good decision-making brain go?
Then comes the last bit of sabotage for the month: the halloween party. Cousin J and I went together and I truly didn't plan to drink a lot... but... I got seriously inebriated and fell.
On my face. I'm lucky I didn't break my nose, but I do have a bunch of abrasions on it that have scabbed over and trust me, it's not attractive. Now, please don't take this as denial or anything, but I really am not a big drinker. I haven't had this much to drink since law school and I really can take or leave alcohol on an everyday basis. I have alcohol in my fridge that has been there for probably more than a year. Aside from the injury to my face, I wouldn't be upset. I drank a lot, but didn't get hungover, and was fine the next day. Will I do it again? Not anytime soon. :) No seriously, the most I usually have is a glass of wine or 1 beer, once every month or two. No worries in this department.
Instead, the worry is that I seem to be going out of my way to sabotage my eating and exercising goals and injuring myself too. That has to stop. So instead, I need to make myself a list of ACHIEVABLE goals for the end of the year and stick to them. I tend to be an all or nothing person and when I am not perfect I just give up. Well, that's just stupid. I'm going to post this blog and come back later with a blog about my defined goals. But for now, I need to get back to work.
And just to leave this on a high note, I stuck to my eating plan yesterday and logged it all. And so far so good today too.