Life is unpredictable, and there are no guarantees. People say that, but you never really hear it until tragedy strikes. At the beginning of this challenge, I was starting a new school year, so it was hard to focus on BLC at first. Then I really got into the groove. I had a couple of spectacular weeks, and I was on a roll. One Thursday afternoon, I got 90 minutes of cardio and then completed the entire TNT challenge..I was so stoked. Just as I sat down to update all my trackers the phone rang...

One of my former students had committed suicide on his way home from school...he was only eleven years old...there are no words....

After a few days of tears, the emotional eating got a hold of me. Why bother eating healthy? You end up dead anyway. Why bother with the exercise? My body is falling apart...arthritis in my neck, bursitis in my shoulder, chronic lower back pain....all I can do is walk, really. What possible difference can that make?

ENOUGH ALREADY!!!

Why do I need to get my eating under control...eat to live instead of live to eat? Why is that daily walk so important?

Here's why...two little words...



Ben





John





Yup, my babies need me! They need me to stop eating an entire loaf of bread for dinner or having two donuts with two ginormous pizza slices as an after school snack. They need me to make the effort to move my body everyday. Even if it is just a silly walk. So, how do I change my pattern so that I can be successful in my mission?

Drum roll please...
I am switching my WW meeting day.



Sounds ridiculous, I know, but for almost 6 years, Thursday evening has been my weigh in. In the beginning, my weigh-in was followed by a meeting. I had a fancy journal and took notes. I tracked what I ate, followed the plan and lost 28 pounds in about 6 months. Then.....life happened. Although I gained most of it back and continued to lose and gain the same 20 pounds for years, I only missed three Thursday weigh ins....but I started to skip the meetings. Then, every Thursday after I weighed in, I'd eat. At first, just a simple splurge....reward for my week of sticking to the program. Then it was a full blown meal....then it was a meal and drink with my friends...Thursday was my official "night off." My night to be kid-free. To take some time alone.

Well, upon reflection, I have gotten too far away from my original intention. WW has become my favorite charity. I pay for the monthly pass, weigh in religiously, then do whatever the hell I want the rest of the time. Since I joined the BLC, I have had spurts of "on track behavior." My weekends in particular have improved to some degree. But there is a lot of room for improvement.

So I am breaking my pattern. I am going to weigh in on Saturday morning. I am going to stay for the meeting. Because it's so early, I won't feel the pull of drinks and appetizers afterward. Because I am a proud Silver Spy, I will be less willing to blow my weekend challenge (whatever that may be). It sounds like a small change, but it feels huge to me!

And what about my "alone time?" When I mentioned my new plan to my husband, he told me there was no reason to give up the time...he'd man the "kid duty." I just need to use the time for non-food relaxation. With Saturday weigh in looming, that may be easier...

So, I need to do this...I want to see my kids grow up...I want to see grandbabies some day...I want to be physically able to keep up with them....I am worth this. Life is unpredictable, but I need to take care of what is in my control. I need to live healthy today. No one knows what tomorrow brings, but the choices I make today may make a difference in the number of tomorrows I have ahead of me. One little boy gave up his tomorrows and all the doughnuts in the world will not bring them back for him or his family. I need to feel the sadness and move forward, because I have two little boys of my own who need me.