Sunday, October 30, 2011
I have been feeling pretty low the last couple of days. A combination of nightmares leading to little sleep, a broken car, no funding (barely enough to pay rent let alone fix a car), a new class schedule (have to be at my classes 1-2 hours earlier now that they've gotten our new room done), tests, no extra time for myself, poor eating, not enough water, sickness. I was in fact feeling so low that I ended up not even getting to gym on Friday, which consequently, made me feel worse.
I ended up being ditched by most of my friends Friday night when I had planned on going to the bars with them, so just my roommate and I were at another bar, then when some of his friends came (who apparently don't like me), he went to the other end of the bar leaving me alone. There I was hit on by a 45 year old and some guy yelled earlier in the night, "no, definitely not the one in the black." - needless to say I was feeling pretty sorry for myself.
I feel a little lost right now. I feel like I've lost all my really good friends (something happened between my old roommate and I, and while I was closer with all of our mutual friends, I feel like they are all hanging out with her and don't talk to me anymore), I feel like since school is already 12 weeks in, most of my new classmates arent in to making new friends now, and I feel fat, ugly, and unloveable.
I am trying to get my spark back. So hard. But it is hard when you feel like that. So tonight, I went through some of my old blogs. You know those ones. The ones that you knew how hard everything was, but everything was new and exciting. I had so much enthusiasm. I had done so well (I had lost 20 lbs - I have gained 13 back). I am struggling so much. It shouldn't be this hard to make good decisions.
I need to turn this around. I decided to make a weekly weigh in sheet like I did for the 1/11/11 Challenge. Maybe that will help. And I am going to find another challenge (I assume there will be a new one starting November when PMP ends). I still have eight weeks of 2012.
I need some help getting out of whatever funk I am in. I feel like I have been in a really negartive, lonely place and can't figure out how to get out.