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    SGRAY478   16,934
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No Cute Pictures; No Flowing Words

Sunday, October 30, 2011

I have been feeling pretty low the last couple of days. A combination of nightmares leading to little sleep, a broken car, no funding (barely enough to pay rent let alone fix a car), a new class schedule (have to be at my classes 1-2 hours earlier now that they've gotten our new room done), tests, no extra time for myself, poor eating, not enough water, sickness. I was in fact feeling so low that I ended up not even getting to gym on Friday, which consequently, made me feel worse.

I ended up being ditched by most of my friends Friday night when I had planned on going to the bars with them, so just my roommate and I were at another bar, then when some of his friends came (who apparently don't like me), he went to the other end of the bar leaving me alone. There I was hit on by a 45 year old and some guy yelled earlier in the night, "no, definitely not the one in the black." - needless to say I was feeling pretty sorry for myself.

I feel a little lost right now. I feel like I've lost all my really good friends (something happened between my old roommate and I, and while I was closer with all of our mutual friends, I feel like they are all hanging out with her and don't talk to me anymore), I feel like since school is already 12 weeks in, most of my new classmates arent in to making new friends now, and I feel fat, ugly, and unloveable.

I am trying to get my spark back. So hard. But it is hard when you feel like that. So tonight, I went through some of my old blogs. You know those ones. The ones that you knew how hard everything was, but everything was new and exciting. I had so much enthusiasm. I had done so well (I had lost 20 lbs - I have gained 13 back). I am struggling so much. It shouldn't be this hard to make good decisions.

I need to turn this around. I decided to make a weekly weigh in sheet like I did for the 1/11/11 Challenge. Maybe that will help. And I am going to find another challenge (I assume there will be a new one starting November when PMP ends). I still have eight weeks of 2012.

I need some help getting out of whatever funk I am in. I feel like I have been in a really negartive, lonely place and can't figure out how to get out.
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BAZINGABROOKE 10/30/2011 11:00PM

    I have been having problems with my friends too. Maybe you can chat with those people you used to hang out with that you feel like are ditching you to hang out with her. Don't say you feel like that, but just try to make plans with them and avoid talking about the other friend.

Are you sure your classmates aren't into making new friends? Maybe just strike up a conversation (which is super hard, but keep your head high and try!), and then you'll just ease in.

Are there any clubs or activities at your school that you could join?

Please don't hesitate to talk to me. I would love to talk to you about things that work, don't work, ideas, and anything about everything! We can do this.

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CARYNV07 10/30/2011 10:24PM

    Oh man...so much of this resonates with me. I feel the same in a number of ways - I'm in my last semester of college and I feel like most of my friends have moved away and the friends I have left in this town only want to be friends when it's convenient for them. It's hard. It's so hard. And when you say you feel fat, ugly, and unloveable - I'm right there with you.

I don't really know how we get out of this funk. I wish there was an easy answer, for both our sakes. I just don't know. Maybe we can figure it out together.

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