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The Struggles - The Conviction - The Lack of Control - PLEASE Tell Me How YOU Do It!!

Thursday, October 27, 2011

I haven't posted since June. I haven't stuck to my healthy eating religiously since December of last year. This whole year has been such a struggle. I just read the last post I wrote in June: www.sparkpeople.com/mypa
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It says everything I have been feeling this whole year. I had done so well and had felt so good about myself, so I'm not even sure what or how it happened, but I lost all control of everything I worked so hard. The "cookie" has gotten me under its control.

I know WHY I eat. I eat because I am bored. I eat because its the only thing that consistently makes me happy. I eat because I have HORRIFIC cravings. I know what I should eat, and I do occasionally have a few good days of eating very healthy. I regain some semblance of sanity and tell myself I can do this, and I do, for a few days. Then I let my emotions take over and say why bother and just start eating again. I have no real excuses, I just do it. We all know how the cycle goes. You eat bad - you feel bad about yourself - so you eat bad again and feel worse about yourself and it continues on until when? At what point does the cycle stop.

I really thought I had my eating under control and the new lifestyle under total control. I feel so stressed most of the time, so I allow myself to turn to food. I get little support with eating healthy and I allow myself to turn to food. I get down on myself and get depressed, so what do I do? I turn to food. Somehow food never lets me down. The only problem is, it really does. It is what makes the cycle continue on indefinitely. I wish I knew how all of you success stories have mastered the junk food cycle. Feeling healthy doesn't seem to motivate me. Feeling confident doesn't seem to give me inspiration. Smaller clothes don't seem to keep me on the right path. So what does it take? It's not that I don't feel worthy. I do. It's not that I don't like myself, I do. I just revert back to bad food choices on a daily (sometimes hourly) basis because it mentally makes me feel good - and NO I definitely don't physically feel good - so why do I do it?

I am pouring my heart out to you all to ask how do you overcome these feelings? I hate myself for allowing myself to feel like this and use it as an excuse for what I am doing. The cycle is horrible and a lot of people go through it. I have always told myself, you don't wait until you FEEL like living a healthy lifestyle to do it, because that feeling may never come, you just DO IT because you know its the thing to do. But, I then sabotage my efforts and fall back into my old ways. I feel so hopeless and worry that despite being successful today, there is always tomorrow and the day after that. Its a lifetime journey that will continue until I die. That is a LONG time to try and stay on the right path. I know I will fall at times because I am human, but its that one time I fall that seems to set me in a tailspin and I'm unable to stop after that. Its harder to get back up, dust yourself off and get back on the horse immediately and continue on successfully. What is it that makes you successful? What has helped you succeed? What gives you the inspiration to go one more day?
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHANGINGELAINE 12/8/2011 11:01AM

    The only thing that worked for me was getting rid of all the food and drinks that tempted me. For awhile I didn't even do the grocery shopping. I also realized early in my lifestyle change that I would ALWAYS have the cravings and have to not eat certain things. I did find when I gave up sugar the cravings decreased after about three days. I also chew alot of gum.
So those are the things that worked for me. Hope it helps you.
Elaine

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ORANGEMUSE 10/28/2011 10:33AM

    The above comments have really said it all. I have a similar problem with HORRIBLE cravings especially when I'm bored, angry, or sad. The goal I am now working on is not buying the junk food that I could eat all in one sitting. Junk food is an addiction, but it can be overcome. You did it before, and you can do it again!!

You can do it, and GOOD LUCK!!!

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SMILINGTREE 10/28/2011 4:49AM

    Everyone has to find their own best coping mechanism. Maybe if you are bored you could try earning spark points? When you feel compelled to grab a bag of chips, take a quiz, or read an article or leave comments on a few blogs. It might help distract you long enough to let the urge pass.

I find writing really helps me untangle complicated emotions and patterns. It doesn't work for everyone, but maybe it could help.

You have complete control over what you put in your mouth. That was pretty much my mantra when I quit smoking. I just kept reminding myself that I got to decide.

When you do eat something "bad" don't worry over it too much. You can't change the past, so don't fret about it. Just concentrate on right now, and doing the best you can.

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SKYWATCHERRS 10/27/2011 5:42PM

    First of all, you CAN. Stop telling yourself you can't stop it. Because you CAN stop it.

Stop bringing the food in the house.

Stop making excuses.

Start getting educated about options you can reach for when you're bored, anxious, angry, upset, emotional. If you have a plan in place, you go for the plan and not the food.

Realize that food is just food. It doesn't have super powers. It can't heal anything. It doesn't magically improve any area of your life.

The food does NOT control you. YOU CONTROL THE FOOD.

Start making plans for your stresses and your boredom that do not include reaching for food. Phone a friend. Start a journal. Take a bubble bath. Go for a walk. Meditate. Clean out a closet. Mend some clothes. Iron.

Get social support where you live - friends, family, co-workers, join multiple online forums like here on Spark. Be accountable and help others.

Pay attention to how you talk to yourself. You've said you "allow" yourself to reach for food - so stop allowing it. Whatever makes you allow it is an excuse. Accept NO excuses.

Start telling yourself good things instead of tearing youself down. You wouldn't hang out with somebody who ragged you out all the time, so don't do that to yourself. The worse you treat yourself, the worse you will behave. The better you treat and talk to yourself, the better your beahvior will be.

Stop thinking in CAN'T. You can. The question is really WILL you?

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JULIENMM 10/27/2011 4:57PM

    It sounds to me like you have an "all or nothing" outlook. Have you tried making small changes over time? You don't need to have whole days of eating healthy -- just make some small changes. How about every time you eat something bad, you tell yourself you have to eat something good? Or vice cersa -- like for every salad you eat, you can have a cookie?

If you eat when bored, do something to be not bored, such as read a book, watch TV, exercise, etc. Just do something so that you're not sitting there obsessing about food.

Make a list of healthy foods that you like and surround yourself with them. Remove the temptations. Just some Spark challenge teams to get some encouragement. Put up some visual motivators. Keep telling yourself that you CAN, not that you CAN'T.

I know it's hard. But you can do it. Good luck!

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