Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Well, here I am again. I think iv recovered my spark after gaining back about 20 to 25 lb. Il let you know. Life has left me upside down and gasping for air. My childrens father took them from me and told them they couldnt see me anymore because I am sick. my only sickness is finilly admitting to myself and the world that I am a homosexual. After a tough fight I have my kids again and am trying to get full and legal custody. Until then I have lost my home and theirs running and hiding from this man. Our lives have been crazy as we fled to a state and town we know nothing about. I struggle daily with depression while my kids struggle daily to understand what has happened to the life they once knew. My children turning 6 and 7 in a strange place with unfamiliar faces. I can at lease say we are happy to be together. They were very afraid when their dad told them they wouldnt see me again and still live with some of that fear. Today I started logging my food intake again and Friday sign up at a gym. Tomorow I go to court where my childrens dad will go on trial for domestic violence that occured the day I retrieved my children again. I am blessed to have them but I am very afraid to go back to his town and possibly see him. I dont have anyone to go and support me and the closer 8 am is the more afraid I am. I want to be healthy and happy. I want my kids to be healthy and happy. I want this very scary man out of our lives. I never thought id say that. I always beleived he was an important part of their lives but iv come to realize that people arent who you want them to be, they are just who they are. Tonight I will npray for the forst time in a long time. I will ask the god of my understanding for strength and guidance. I wish you all out there the same. I love you all.