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I don't know where to start and I'm tired of being alone!!

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

This is my cry for help.

I've been worried about my weight daily for the past 5 to 6 months. I've tired many different things: challenges, spark buddies, etc. I'm not sure where my motivation or self care have ran off to. My self esteem is at an all time LOW!

I stay in the house because I'm ashamed of the way I've allowed myself to get. I've never been this big, had self esteem this low, no will power, no motivation, and of all I've never been this alone.

Everyday I wonder how would my life be if I lost this weight, when will I really lose this weight, will I have children, will I get married, will I get diabetes and other illnesses because I'm not losing this weight...this list of questions goes on and on EVERYDAY...And I'm tired, but not tired enough to change my life.

I'm not sure when or where I lost hope and gave up on myself. But I do know I need help all kinds that I can get. I normally try online support but here at home I do everything alone (exercise & diet). I've never tried a personal trainer or life coach. Maybe that would help but who has money for those things.

The purpose of this blog is to reach others that feel like I feel and to also get some guidance because I seriously don't know where to start or how to begin after years of failure and repetitive dieting.

The hardest part for me is the eating plan: creating a grocery list, grocery shopping, and of course cooking.

Hopefully I can save myself sooner than later because I haven't been happy in a very long time and I'm only 25!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GODZDESIGN95 11/14/2011 3:37PM

    Aw girl you are still young rock your stuff. U beautiful. there is more to you than your weight. Don't let size define you. It will take hard work and dedication. STOP HIDDING AND STEP OUT ON FAITH! You have to plan your meals. Be patient with yourself. emoticon emoticon

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AIMEESINGS 11/3/2011 12:24AM

    emoticon I took me almost 3 months of only focusing on changing small areas of my life in baby steps. I started with making a list of healthy meals I enjoy making. I started at www.sparkrecipes.com and worked from there. I wrote down 5 meals and a shopping list and I stuck to it. I started with eating one healthier meal a day until I was consistently eating 3 healthy meals and 2 healthy snacks.

Trying to change everything at once can be way to over whelming. Take a step back and figure out what is the best thing to change first.

Even now after about 9 months of doing this I still have weekly focuses where I put my attention. This week I'm focusing on using the SP trackers more. Last week I focused on getting 8 hours of sleep every night.

If you aren't new to SP and trying to lose weight, still take a second and reflect on what has worked, and where you see problem areas. And remember, by just being here knowing you need to make a change is one step in the right directions.

Good luck girl!

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SEEMAINE 10/30/2011 5:18PM

    I was in the same position during the summer that you're in right now. I've started small by working on my discipline on one thing. For me, that was getting up early to walk for 30 minutes. I knew that this would help me feel better. And it has!

Look within yourself and work on that one thing that will help you too such as; eating two fruits and/or veggies every day, work out for at least 10 minutes every day, or start by saying out loud 5 or 10 things that you appreciate in your life.

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GRAMMABENJI 10/29/2011 9:21PM

    start with one small goal at a time. get that down for a week and then add to it. I haven't done anything either since July so I am where you are sooooooo maybe we can motivate each other and get on track.

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TACONES 10/29/2011 7:39PM

    You have some excellent advice given here. I say do it small and build up and eventually you will see progress. Be patient. emoticon

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FINDING_MELISSA 10/28/2011 10:57PM

    I have felt like you more times than I can count- and pretty recently. I'm just starting to pull myself out of my funk and you can too! If you want a "buddy" to check in with, work on things together than let me know! Sometimes it helps to have someone on the same page, working towards the same goals and on a more personal level than in a larger group!

You can do this!

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RAYLINSTEPHENS 10/28/2011 8:34AM

    I lived your story for 58 years - you can change your life.

Add freggies into your life and it will rock your world.

I started with tomatoes and celery - anything I could munch whenever and not have to pay the penalty. Baby carrots. Cucumbers.

Every time DH looked at me I was either eating or walking. I even marched in place every night while watching tv.

Walk Away The Pounds with Leslie Sansone changed my metabolism - I used it every night!

Keep trying - it will all click one day when you least expect it.

YOU are worth it!!



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RIDAHT 10/28/2011 4:13AM

    emoticon You ARE strong!! I KNOW you are =)

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PURPLESPARK89 10/28/2011 2:40AM

    Hey girl a lot us know how you feel Im sure. I sure do. I failed at diets for many many many years until I finally started to take the advice we all hear so often: START SMALL! It needs to be a lifestyle change, not a DIET. Throw that word away right now. I didn't start losing weight until I finally stopped and listened to this advice.

Don't overwhelm yourself- just start promising you'll exercise for one day this week. Then once you start being consistant with that, bump it up to two days a week. Instead of putting cheese on your broccolli, leave it off. Little itty bitty things like that add up, I promise :)

Am I perfect? Absolutely not... Ive been on Spark People for a little under a month and I still have my days where I eat too much or other things, but Im learning and not giving up when I do slip up. Did you know I lost weight one week when I ate at Mcdonalds? Yup. I had their Angus Delux burger - 750 calories in that sucker! But I didn't gain weight because I found out how many calories there were in it and I fit it into my food allowance for the day. Know what you're eating and how much. Im still surprised every day at what a 'normal' serving is. It sure wasnt normal for me a few months ago!

I promise you if you start small you will succeed :) So many people here will help you along the way, dont lose hope! :)

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OHITSKELLY 10/28/2011 12:54AM

    Praying for you my friend, and so glad you reached out.

Like everyone else has said start slow. I can't afford a personal trainer or go to a gym.

Start small. Get out the Windex and clean the windows. That's exercise. You're using your arms and the higher you reach to clean the windows, the more cardio work out you will get, get the heart pumping and blood flowing.

When I started, I thought, "at least the windows are clean, and I got in some exercise"

I know it can feel overwhelming, but try to push past this point. Don't focus on what you can't do, focus on what you CAN do. You CAN walk over to the kitchen and take a drink of water. Start there. You can do it!

Hugs! emoticon

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SHAREDJOURNEY1 10/28/2011 12:31AM

    (((Hugs))) know that you are not alone here. Many of us understand the fears you shared. Fear paralyzes and the longer you stay in that position the weaker you feel and the greater the problems seems to become. The shame and fear make us withdraw and it kills your self esteem. Only someone who has been there can really understand. No judgments here.
Motivation came after I started with SP not before. I was desperate and willing to do anything so I started by doing what I was told on SP. I stayed on fast start for nearly one month trying to learn from what I had been doing by tracking honestly. It really was the first time I tracked my nutrition while not following a diet plan. Just eating as usual and trying to figure out how my choices affected my daily calories and nutrition. It was the first time I had an honest look at what I was doing without judgements.
None of us can solve the problem of our weight overnight, this week, this month and for many of us not even this year.
Creating an eating plan is trial and error. Ask others what they have for breakfast. Try the ones that sound good to you and see how it goes. Some things work for some people and not for others. If it doesn't work for you, try something else. It's never a failure to try to do something different in hopes of finding what works for you. Honestly, you will find what works for you. It's real and it's out there waiting for you to find it. You can do this.


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CRABADA 10/28/2011 12:26AM

    Congratulations on having the courage to ask for help! That's a huge step and it's never easy.

I haven't read all of the comments, but agree with the gist of them - Start small. Start as small as you need to.

Drink one more glass of water than you usually do each day.
Eat one more serving of freggies than you usually do each day.
Take a ten minute walk each day.

If that means you're drinking one glass of water, eating one serving of freggies, and walking not a second longer than ten minutes, that's great. If that's too much, pick one of those things to concentrate on for a while. You are allowed to start that small. Then build on those successes.

And if you need me to remind you that you can do this, say the word. I'm happy to leave you a comment or a goodie every single day if you need it.

Courtney

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SHELLYKOCH1 10/27/2011 11:07PM

    Lots of good advice. Only you can change you. I live every day with the fear of my PTSD rearing its ugly head. I got so low last Nov. I gave up and left SP. During the next 8 mos I re-gained the 25lbs I had shed + another 10 jumped on board too. Not trying to toot my own horn...I just want to share that you are not alone. Since getting my self back together in July I've now shed 51lbs.

For me I started back slowly, not even really trying, I started setting small daily goals, drinking 4-5 32 oz glasses of ice tea a day, and most of all rewarding my self frequently with non food rewards.

You are a part of a wonderful support system. We are all here to help, listen, and support. Feel free to email or SP friend me, I'd be happy to share our journeys.


It always seems impossible until its done. - Nelson Mandela

The only place where your dream becomes impossible is in your own thinking.
- Robert H. Schuller


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LIVIN_THE_LIFE 10/27/2011 11:04PM

    Hey girl! I know where you are right now. I was there about a year ago and was trying to figure out what to do. Almost all of my family members are diabetic or pre-diabetic. My cousin recently had gastric bypass surgery. And really I couldn't decide what to do, or if i cared enough to do anything.

Last December, I realized I was watching life pass me by and that I could do something about it. I started out small, because much like you, the thought of planning, grocery shopping, and exercising just sounded so impossible to me. So instead of trying to do everything, I focused on the small steps. I actually just did the first stage and then the second stage of the spark diet. I knew if I was going to really change my life and start living it, I would have to start small and I would continue some unhealthy behaviors. It was just bound to happen.

Now, 10 months later I am in a much different place. I still have a really far way to go, and there are lots of times when I feel down ... I have lost 60 lbs and still have 120 to go. At this rate, if I'm lucky it will be 2 more years before I am at goal weight ... and really that's enough to make me want to give up. But knowing that I can do this day by day makes all the difference to me.

This is just what has worked for me. But it sounds to me like you need to change some things up. Maybe it's not the time for a challenge, but for a fun new exercise, or new foods or whatever that gets you back to being motivated.

Regardless, KNOW that you are worth it!! You can do this and you can get there!!! It's frustrating I know, but stick with it so you can have the awesome life you imagine!! Keep it up DONE Girl and you'll get there!

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BONJI40 10/27/2011 7:21PM

    Hey Done Girl...
A big hug to you. I have felt like that many times....right now I'm not feeling good about myself, but am trying to take mini-steps each day in the right direction. That's my advice to you...start with the basics, and start making the good decisions each day. Pretty soon you will be back on your way!

You can do this, and I'm here with ya!
Carrie

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MISTY_MOUNTAINS 10/27/2011 7:13PM

    Don't doubt yourself. You CAN do it.

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LADYG67 10/27/2011 6:12PM

    Everyone that has responded has given great advice so I won't repeat. I have been successful in my weight loss but continue to have eating binges because food is my comforter. However, there is THE ultimate ruler and comforter who will and can help you through anything if you only but ask and believe. Please know that you are not alone - you have all of us. Don't try to compete or compare yourself to anyone else. You are uniquely and divinely made. The most important thing is to do SOMETHING and stick to it. We are all pulling for you. emoticon emoticon

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MOMS100 10/27/2011 6:09PM

    YOU CAN DO THIS! I've been in the same boat. It's hard when you feel all alone. But you have us all pulling for you. Keep on keeping on, girlfriend! You WILL succeed!
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SUCCESSN2014 10/27/2011 5:10PM

    Start off small. I have 100 pounds to lose but tat number in itself is intimidating. So I've decided to be realistic and set a number to lose per month.

Start working on making sure you log your food every day, every bite. Also drink the 8 glasses of water a day. If you can only work out 10 minutes each day then use that as your starting point. I'm just now getting back to working out for the first time in months. Between the 15 minute work outs and the water consumption its giving me energy that I've not seen in MONTHS.

If you have to take aach of these tasks one at a time to accomplish them then go that route. Start off with tracking food and once that's accomplished and down to a good routine add the exercising.

Set small goals for yourself and if you accomplish the goals then reward yourslf. This way you'll feel motivated to work toward that reward and won't feel burned out.

Good luck hon!! ((Hugs))

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JNEWBS 10/27/2011 3:15PM

    My friend -- one day. Take Just one day at a time. It's okay. Start today. set a tiny goal -- you know the One. Give up soda today. Or commit to a healthy breakfast every day. When you've conquered that, add another goal. Build on that. Kick the scale to the curb until you start feeling better about YOURSELF.

And - I'd strongly suggest you find a friend to start walking with. Just walking and talking 15 minutes per day is a start. You can ALWAYS start over.

Start today. Just one thing!!

Keep me posted because I know you can do this.

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GINGERRA1980 10/27/2011 2:44PM

    you can do this..do not give up!! even if it is slow..just know you can!!


Ginger emoticon


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SPARK_COACH_JEN 10/27/2011 2:25PM

    You've gotten some great support already! I just wanted to add that I'm rooting for you and I know you can do it!

If there's anything I can do to help, let me know!

Coach Jen

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AKING6 10/27/2011 10:46AM

    Girl, you can do this! You are strong and beautiful! Dig deep, figure out why you're doing this, discover things you love about being healthy and exercising. Dont focus on your weight or things you can't do. Make a list of things you love and go from there...small steps! I have found this is moment by moment obedience, I can not look at the hour, the day, just this moment, and in this moment what am I doing to be better! All these small moments will add up to big changes...I promise! Write positive notes, scripture, quotes on post-it notes and stick them around your house. Remind yourself to be positive, that your worth it and where your heading! Don't give up! emoticon

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49DEBBET 10/27/2011 10:02AM

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BLUEANGELLK 10/27/2011 9:22AM

    Been there, done that, still fall into it sometimes. As everyone here says, start small, very small and you will work up to looking at the big picture.

We are all here pulling for you!!

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KAKAKALI4 10/27/2011 9:18AM

    I hope you feel the big hug that everyone is reaching out to help. The most important thing - as said by Miss Goddess .. is you have to SMALL and reachable goals. I started with water, adding freggies and moving at least 30 minutes 3X a week. If that is too much, buy a video like the walk away the lbs for 10.00 and do it at home a few days a week. You are an amazing person - and you deserve to feel it - so remember - NO ONE is perfect, Do not ever say you can't have something you love to eat - either have it once a month, or in smaller portions - but never deprive yourself - AND the more you move - the better you will feel! Make sure you set beginning measurement - because a very special person at the beginning of my journey told me that .. and it will give you hope even when the scale glares at you and mocks you! Be patient, and you will find success! We are here for you .. reach out .. and make sure you keep up with letting us know your successes!
Teri

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NEW_ME_FOREVER 10/27/2011 9:03AM

    Once agian thanks everyone for your help. I appreciate you so much

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KRISTIEREID 10/27/2011 3:20AM

    I suggest that you set different goals and start off slow. My goal is to lose 70lbs but to head straight to that goal would not motivate me at all...so I changed the way I look at it. I strive to lose 10lbs a month. I also log EVERYTHING that I put into my mouth. You have no idea how helpful that has been to me. Also, REWARD yourself when you reach a goal. If I work out five days a week I treat myself with the weekends off from working out. But at the end of the month I reward myself with something like a new pair of workout pants or like at the end of this month I want one of those water bottles that I am too cheap to buy...lol. As far as cooking, it can be a little expensive to buy the fresh fruits and veggies but they go a long way and you can find a ton of delicious recipes for them. I am from Louisiana so I love delicious food so I had to find tasty recipes(but low on the salt now). But going at this alone can be a bummer so we can motivate each other and swap tips and ideas!

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FREETHEGODDESS 10/27/2011 2:34AM

    Start out with simple changes you can stick to. I logged what I ate (no matter what it was) and drank 8 glasses of water each day. Once I was doing that consistently, I added going for a 10 minute walk. Even if you can only commit to 5 mintues a day at least that is something. The key is to be consistent.

Make small goals you can achieve. When you see you can do those, you will start to feel better about yourself. As you feel better about yourself, you are able to do a little more. As you do more, you start losing weight. As you lose weight, you start to feel better. When you feel better, you are happier. See how that works.

It all starts with baby steps. You are not alone. Many of us felt the same as you do. I was very depressed and desperate but, felt I couldn't do anything to change. But, when I saw that there were people my size or larger that were getting healthy, I started to believe that "maybe" I could do it too.

Now, all of a sudden, it is almost 6 months later and I have lost 55 pounds! I never would have believed it. But, by tracking my food and thinking "healthy" (not diet), it has worked. I still struggle but, I don't focus on losing all the weight. I focus on one day's worth of healthy choices. If I am not perfect, that is okay. I just make a better choice next time.

I hope this helps.
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IMREITE 10/27/2011 12:53AM

    i have days where i get upset and have similar thoughts.
However you have a lot of strength to admit your weaknesses/fears publicly.

When i feel this way for 2 long i have a couple defense tools i use to prevent emotional eating.
1- i start listng what i do well and try to make myself positive.
2- list a weakness and think of a plan to turn it around
3- do a kickboxing workout
4- dance it off
5- read an inspiring story or book. even watch some spark people videos will inspire me. I often see others having it more difficult than I and raising to the challenge and reaching their goals.
6- clean/organize something- it keeps my hands busy and makes me feel more in control of some of the things in my life.
7- work on a craft project - again keeping hands busy so i don't eat


A current challenge i have been doing well at is eating more servings of fruits and veggies, which by the way, i found on the great Team that you are leading!

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GREGSWIFE05 10/27/2011 12:32AM

    You wrote exactly how I feel! But you can do this we are all here to support you on this journey:)

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PURRRPY 10/27/2011 12:00AM

    I hear you - LOUD AND CLEAR. That is the beauty of being on SparkPeople we truly do understand. One of the things I have learned is not to measure my success by my weight loss but by the different healthy habits and attitudes I have learned. To reach out to others like you are and sharing my heart, fears and doubts.

Life is a process not an outcome and we didn't get here overnight - one step at a time. Look at success by the baby steps you make and I promise you it will all add up. Ask any questions and we will try our best to support you and encourage you. I am in a stuck place right now but with the help of all these resources and friends I will and CAN get back on track.

I go to bed with the attitude I did the best I could and today is done. Tomorrow is a NEW day with hope and possibilities. Today I was eating chips - my weakness and didn't stop at first - then I did the unthinkable - I threw them in the garbage. To me that was a success - 6 months ago I was not aware of how much I was eating - and when I did I would beat myself up and eat it all because I FAILED anyways. So today was a success and tomorrow will be better.

I look forward to hearing to supporting you through this new journey and remember no one is perfect!! That's what makes us all so wonderfully made.

Purrrpy

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VICIOUS421 10/26/2011 10:55PM

    Everyone has to find what works best for them. I don't use the Sparks Weekly Meal Plans, I make my own each week. There are a lot of things I can't eat so I stock my Fridge, Freezer and Cabinets with things I know I can and will eat. I make my grocery list accordingly and I don't plan a week ahead on my meals I plan 1 to 2 days ahead max. I do it on the Spark Nutrition Tracker and it is working slowly for me.
I think the thing I have a hard time with is the workouts I can't seem to stick with it and that is a major part of losing weight and keeping it off.
I try not to let my size determine my going out and doing things. I dress nice, wear make up at work but on the weekend I go to the store and stuff without make up on. I try not to let other people bother me because the truth of it is that no one out there is perfect. I have beautiful, thin friends that guys literally drool over but if you ask them what they think about their selves, they think they are too fat of their nose is too long or their hair is ugly. Not very many people I know off line have good images of how they see their selves.
I look myself in the eyes every morning in the mirror and I tell myself that I like me. Other people like me. I am good at my job, I care about other people and I am a good friend. I tell myself all the positive things I know about myself then I get dressed, put on my make up and go to work. Yeah sometimes people will say things. I try not to respond verbally to them though I use to say things back. Now I just stare at them as if they are the most rude and ignorant person I have ever seen. The not responding and staring seems to work, I don't stare too long just long enough to convey how I feel then I look away shake my head and walk off.
Find the way that works best for you and go with it.
I wish you the best of luck and I know emoticon
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KLYNNSCHULTZ 10/26/2011 10:18PM

    It's hard, but you can do it! There will be good days and bad ones, but you will find a ton of support for all of them here on Spark!

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SUNFLOWERSAVAGE 10/26/2011 8:04PM

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JENMAGS 10/26/2011 6:37PM

    YOU ARE NOT ALONE.... emoticon

I feel the same way more often than I should. I think about my weight all day long, get discouraged, etc.

BUT....we have to keep taking those little steps. Everyday. Time flys by and before you know it, this will be a distant memory.

One day you will be sitting in your living room on Xmas night with your family and nothing will matter more at that moment. You are very very young.

Give yourself a break!!

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DRB13_1 10/26/2011 5:48PM

    First, don't dwell on the negatives. Keep a gratitude journal and write 5 things every day for which you are GRATEFUL.
Second, don't give up. Don't focus on the outcome (weight loss) - FOCUS ON THE ACTION. You've already identified an area which you have been struggling with - nutrition - so use your SP menu planner, the grocery list already comes with it. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by at least trying it!
In the end, it comes to making one decision at a time and taking one step at a time. Once you start to see some success, your motivation and momentum will increase.
Never quit! This is a lifestyle, not a diet.
And if you find you cannot see "the glass as half full" think about getting help with a therapist for depression. Sliding scale fees are available.
Wishing you the best! emoticon

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HUSKERSALAD 10/26/2011 4:13PM

    I don't have any advice for you, but support you and wish you the best.

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JLSPARKLES 10/26/2011 3:38PM

    One day at a time hon! I have been there, am still there actually. I struggle with binging (no purging) so if I lose weight, I will sabatoge myself and put it right back on. What helps me is checking out the spark recipes, eating the same things alot (since I know exactly how many calories, etc are in the foods) and trying to face each day as a new day, free from yesterday.

This is all you. It's a mental challenge sometimes but I know you can do this! you spend so much time encouraging others and lifting us up- I know you can find that same encouragement for yourself :)

You DESERVE this.

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ROCHELLE62 10/26/2011 3:16PM

    I obviously have no idea whether you will ever get married or have kids. If that is what you want, I would wish you all the luck in the world to make your dreams come true.
I do believe however that changing involves having hope for the future, and once you start to change your faith in a better future increases. Decide what you want your life to look like and then do whatever it takes to make it look as close to that as possible. I don't think that most good men would be attracted to a woman of my size--and that is understandable since I wouldn't be attracted to a man of my size--but luckily that is something I can change. Losing weight and eating healthy will help to maintain your fertility as long as possible and increase the odds of a healthy pregnancy. It will also increase your employment opportunities and your ability to seek new adventures. We aren't guaranteed anything in our futures, but we do have the ability to influence it if will be good or bad. Give it a shot and find out.

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BETTERJULIA 10/26/2011 3:14PM

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OKOBOJII 10/26/2011 2:56PM

    I think everyone has been here. AT one point or another we all looked in a mirror and thought "gosh I wish I was thinner..." but that's not enough to really do it.

I had been on so many yo-yo healthy diets it was ridiculous... but I would cheat. I would convince myself that I had worked out and that this bottle of Woodchuck or a pizza for dinner wasn't so bad. It would all come out in the wash. And these were healthy diets, not crash ones. It didn't work, though. Nothing did. I would lose a bit, plateau, and sabotage myself without acknowledging what I was doing.

What it took for me was something to hit me. For me, it was losing a relationship that I wanted... it took me to a ridiculously dark place where I hated myself. It took me even lightly considering suicide or self-harm to snap me out of it. Weight loss suddenly was important.

Now, I'm not saying it was easy. It wasn't. It's one of the hardest things I've had to do. Not the actually following Sparkpeople, this site makes it ridiculously easy. It was the willpower. Reminding myself that there were better options than the cookie. Logging my food every single day and making room for occasional treats. Forcing myself to go on walks.

I had anger to help me through it. Healthy or not, it gave me a non-destructive outlet. I planned my exercising to be easy on my body... I didn't start high-impact exercises until I was on the low end of obese, didn't start running until I was overweight. Being easier on my joints prevented injuries that set me back. I made a motivational poster. It felt stupid, but mine was a counter for weight loss... and every week when I lost two pounds, I got to color them in on the chart. My weekly weigh-in/measure-in was a ritual that I enjoyed. I lit candles, saved myself a treat for after, and felt good about myself whether I lost or not.

So, while I'm sad you hit this low, I hope it's your real spark. The spark that changes "I want to lose weight" to "I'm not taking no for an answer." Make yourself a real collage of what you want, not just pretty things you'd like to wear. Pictures of family, a partner, things that symbolize feeling good about yourself that aren't based on the size of the person. Things you don't let yourself do now because your weight makes you self-conscious.

Then, think about those things every time you think about breaking away from your logged foods.

Vary your diet. Try new, healthy foods that you always pass by in the store (guess what? I love alfalfa sprouts, curry, and jicama. I never would have known!) Break into things that are simple to prepare. Get a crockpot (it's saved me more times than I can say.) Put on fun music every time you cook... make it something you GET to do,not that you HAVE to do and make enough so that you have leftovers for other nights of the week or for lunches. It's one more step to enabling yourself.

Hope this helps...

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CATS_MEOW_0911 10/26/2011 2:43PM

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Normally I hate it when people say, "I've been there" and "I know how you feel," but I could have written this same blog post in January. I literally hid in my house and avoided seeing old friends and avoided the gym, I was so ashamed of myself. But then I realized that my weight doesn't define me, and the shame was not constructive. In addition to doing your best to track and start exercising, try something small that brings you out of hiding. Believe me, no one cares about our weight as much as we do. If you have been avoiding friends, call one up; they'll just be happy to see you. I started going back to boxing in February, and realized that no one there cared about my weight either. Gradually I have come more and more out of hiding and now I can get somewhere. You can, too; just try something small, even if it feels a little uncomfortable--only the anticipation is uncomfortable.

You are "New Me Forever," and even if you've gone adrift, you are still YOU, strong and beautiful. You will come back into yourself.

Please let me know if I can do anything to help support you!

Comment edited on: 10/26/2011 2:44:32 PM

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BEATLETOT 10/26/2011 2:26PM

    Hi there...

Just wanted to let you know you aren't alone! I decided yesterday that I have to get back to the basics. Picked a FastBreak goal (eating a healthy breakfast), and I'm doing EXACTLY what Cheetara said. I'm going to do that for a week, and then pick another one. Then another one. And another one. Reward myself with beauty products every time I do what I'm sposta for a week. You can do it, too! I can help! Let me know how I can be of service!

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IZZYJEAN 10/26/2011 1:35PM

    Start small. I started with my water cause I loved to watch the cup on the nutrition page splash over, LOL. After you get comfortable you just start to build up streaks as you go.

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GAL7288 10/26/2011 1:25PM

    You sound just like me! But i have come to realize that this has to be done for myself and no one else, and in doing so the road can be very lonely. But you do have to want the change bad enough to start on it.

I am about to turn 27 and let me tell you that the same issues you face I face as well, like the what if's. I am not married and often wonder if I ever will. I don't have children, heck I dont even have a boyfriend and I do feel subconcious of the way I look but I am not waiting until the weight is gone to start socializing and going out, part of my life would be thrown out the window if I wait and see.

you need to work on yourself, start loving yourseld, accepting and tweeking if you have to. we all have something we don't like about ourselves but we work around it, modify and eventually like it.

You are a special and I am sure unique person, you matter not only to yourself but there is someone or many out there that need you, that would want to meet you and you are only closing that door if you don't realize the potential you probably already have.

reach out and don;t try to change too many things at once or you will overwhelm yourself and then quit, think that no matter how long or painful it feels, you don't quit!

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BOVEY63 10/26/2011 1:21PM

    I have been where you are so many times in my life and I wish I had that magic answer for you. That you have asked for help is a big step in moving in the right direction. You have a supportive family here at SP and we will do all we can to support and motivate you in this journey.'
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TREEBW 10/26/2011 1:14PM

    I'm with WILDFIREKRISTIN- work on YOU and your feelings first. I have felt the same as you for the most of the past 3 1/2 years. It is not a good place to be. Try to find out (besides weight and feeling lonely) what is in your head and how you can either heal or help yourself first.
Then, as far as food and exercise is concerned- take it easy on yourself and just do something simple. cut one thing from your diet that will be easy for you or replace it with a healthier option (diet soda, or baked chips, etc), then find a Spark video that is short and sweet that you like (I like the 6 minute butt video:-)) and just try to do it a few times a week.

Write in a journal- just 3 things each day that made you smile.

And reach out here as often as you need...even if it is every day.

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WILDFIREKRISTIN 10/26/2011 1:06PM

    Everyone above me left you ideas on what to do. I am not going to leave you a long list of what to do just to be repetitive and have something to say. I know where you are right now as I have been there many, many times in my life. Thinking I was alone and pushing people away because I was sick of myself.

Here is the deal. When we feel like this no diet will work. Lifestyle changes will, but FIRST we have to clean our minds. Losing weight isn't going to make you happy. That is not a weight issue but an emotion that needs a change. I am an emotional eater and have had huge issues with this. I know of what I speak of.

Work on those issues in your head brining you down first and you will be shocked and happily amazed at how the weight comes off.

I wish you all the very best! emoticon

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STSCOTT11 10/26/2011 12:57PM

    I have BEEN THERE. I was just there a few months ago. I KNOW HOW IT FEELS.
Take it ONE DAY AT A TIME.
Sometimes...you have to take it ONE HOUR at a time.
Don't be hard on yourself. Be your own BEST FRIEND.
You wouldn't allow anyone to EVER talk down to your mother, criticize your child or anyone...so make sure your kind toward YOURSELF. emoticon
Make your goals and plans SIMPLE UNTIL your on your feet.
You might just say...I will only drink 1 soda per day instead of 3.
Or you will only have 1 fast food meal PER WEEK UNTIL your able to give it up or keep it in perspective.
This is what I did...I worked out 10-15 minutes A DAY.
Took a short walk in the evenings. I keep it up OVER TIME.
I cut off the time I ate each day and only drank liquids.
I packed my lunch each day to eliminate the temptation and having to make choices.
I found friends on spark that I can relate to and created my own cheering squad and support group. emoticon
Set yourself up for SUCCESS.
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I am cheering you on!!! emoticon

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