I didn't just fall off the wagon..I laid there as it backed up and ran over me again!
Monday, October 24, 2011
They say when you fall back into your old bad habits that you have fallen off the wagon. Well let me tell ya, I didn't just fall off the wagon I also just laid there as it backed up and ran over me again!
I have blogged before about family issues and stress levels. I guess I just let them all get to me. (It happens from time to time.) This time it just seemed to hit me harder than usual and I didn't bounce back as I usually do.
I didn't realize how bad it had gotten until lately. My first wake up call was this past summer. I went bathing suit shopping with my daughter. I had to try on several before finding one I was happy with. (By happy with I mean one that I would still hide under my MONSTER t-shirt.) I knew I had put on a few pounds but hey I had a baby-right? Wrong! My "baby" was a year old. There was no excuse for me to still be putting on weight. I had to go up 4 sizes to find a swim suit I could squeeze into. I sat in the changing room and cried for 45 min straight.
A couple weeks later my husband and I had gone shopping. I saw him double take at another woman. Normally this doesn't bother me, he's human and people look at attractive people. It cut like a knife when he remarked that she was attractive but it's ok cause he loves me just the way I am. I know it came out wrong but ouch.
That same week we were grocery shopping and my hubby whispers to me I had split my pants. This is embarrassing enough in itself but the fact was it was the second pair that week. We went to get me some more and I had to not only go up two sizes but also by them in wide. Once again I left family members waiting outside the dressing room as I cried.
Recently I have had to go again and by bigger pants. This time I only bought one pair. My hubby thinks I have lost my mind. I told him I refuse to buy more than that because I will NOT be wearing them long. I also REFUSE to buy a bigger size again.
I have crawled my hefty behind back up on the wagon and have now taken the reigns! I am in control! I am driving this wagon! I am leading this adventure! Next stop...smallerville. It's just one of many stops on the way to Tiny Town. I may never make it to Tiny town and that's ok. I'm older and have my own health issues, BUT I will not settle for anything less than Happyville and I'm not there yet! It's a long, tough journey but I'm up for it. I ave my Spark Family to help me along the way.