Saturday, October 22, 2011
I want to thank everyone for the outpouring of support that you all showed me on my last blog. It really made me feel so good to have so many friends rally to share an encouraging word and a virtual hug etc...
thank you, it really meant alot to me.
I feel like i am on the upswing. Action is the answer. Sometimes you need to feel the feelings rather that deny they exist but after a while, it is time to move on or else you go backwards. To allow myself to bury my feelings in food would be a disaster. To allow myself a blank check with relation to time off would also be a disaster.
The law of atrophy applies here. things left to themselves go into a state of decay with no outside intervention. To allow too much time to roll by would certainly result in decay in my conditioning and certainly would go against me weight-wise.
I felt something on my cycle trainer that I havent felt in a while. A sense of mission. That is what I was needing. I cant fully describe it but when it blooms in my heart, I become intensely focused. For the first time, I genuinely feel like I am going to succeed in the next stage of my journey. It is my mission to take it to the next level.
This Winter is going to be a formative time. I have nothing planned as far as races go. Rather, this is like a developmental time where what I do now is setting the stage for something really big down the road. Basically I am positioning myself right now. That is my mission. To lose the weight and develop myself to the point where I CAN train for a triathlon.
Sometimes I cannot train like I want due to my schedule BUT I always have control over my diet. Like the saying goes, you cannot outrun a bad diet.
My mantra when I sit down to eat is simply
"There are no actions that I can take when I train that are more important than the choices I am about to make right now"
Bringing the focus right down to the here and now. The battle is won or lost with each choice I make at the table. I choose to sow the seeds that will make my dreams a reality or I can choose to indulge now and keep my dreams where they are... just dreams.
Every time I sit down to eat, I am in training. What I choose to fuel myself with will ultimately decide if I will ever fulfill my dreams, dreams cast in Iron. Whether I make to the finish of an Ironman remains to be seen but if I am defeated, it will be on the course, not at the dinner table.
There are limitations that I cannot avoid. My schedule is nuts and I have a life that needs attending but I would rather find out where those limits are rather than never getting a chance to try because I was too busy pandering to a momentary pleasure or feeling sorry for myself.
Life is finite and opportunities fleeting. They must be seized and not lost in the fog of some depression.
If Olympic distance is the very best that I can do realistically then so be it, my best is the best and that is all I ask of myself. If a Half Ironman is the very best I can do with what I have to work with then that is enough and I will be happy but to never even try, to never push past my limits to see what I am really made of, to not be willing to make adjustments so that things will change is unacceptable.
I feel like I am changing, things are in motion that I dont fully understand but I dont need to understand.
What some people call "luck" is really the intersection where preparation meets opportunity.
I dont see the opportunity now but I choose to spend my time developing myself and preparing until opportunity presents itself.
When you are navigating a boat, you dont take a precise course and never deviate. You take a general bearing to get you going in the right direction then as you get closer, your course becomes more well defined, more exact until you get to port.
For right now, I dont have an exact plan, I am just heading "North" because I know I need to head in that "general direction". Things will get clearer as I move along and I will get my exact coordinates along the way. I am not waiting until everything is perfectly mapped out.
I am leaving port NOW.