Okay, I've been in a slump for almost a week now. Once I injured my knee and couldn't work out the way I wanted I just got depressed and sort of got the attitude of... is it really worth it.
I did change my caloric intake to reflect my lack of exercise, so something inside of me wanted to keep on track, although I'm not sure where it came from. Most of the time I have just been in this depressed, who cares, I don't want to do this anymore.....SLUMP!! And I hate it.
By nature I am a happy go lucky person who usually lets the chips fall where they may and then deals with it. But this time it hit me like a ton of bricks and it has taken all the strength I have to crawl out from under them.
I logged into SP everyday, except for a few days when we were having problems with the phone line and I couldn't get online. I logged in and logged my food and that was about it. I didn't want everyone to know that I had failed....at least in my eyes I had failed.
I think one of the reasons that I felt like I had failed was because I kept setting these goals, like, 90 minutes a day of exercise or 2700 minutes a month. Last month I got the flu and didn't make my goal....this month I blew my knee out and wont make the goal. I also signed up for the SP virtual 5k at the end of this month, I won't be reaching that goal either. Now don't get me wrong, setting goals is a great thing and I encourage people to set goals for themselves, but I have now missed EVERY goal I have set and that bothers me....a lot.
Lose 2 pounds a week...Check.....Missed
SP Bootcamp...Check.....Missed (fat people with bad knees can't do them.)
90 minutes exercise a day for 30 days......Check.....Missed
And I could probably remember more, but you get the point. The hardest thing to remember is, missing the marks on each of these goals was through no fault of my own, but circumstances and life showed up and I just missed them.
I feel like the kid who never hit the ball when he swings, so now he really doesn't try,
when I should feel like the toddler who just keeps getting up every time he falls on his butt.
We all fail. We all miss the mark sometimes, some of us more than others.
I need to teach myself to be more like a toddler, even if I get hurt sometimes, I need to just get back up and try again. We were all toddlers once. Can you imagine what the world would be like if we never learned to walk simply because we gave up after the first few tries.
I have tried to lose weight several times, but only made a half hearted attempt or chose a diet plan that was impossible to stick to. This time I will succeed, no matter how long it takes or what setbacks hit me in the face. I have friends here who support and care about me, as I hope I do with them. I have a husband who is supportive and a kitten who loves to help me type these blogs.
I have a lot of good things going for me and need to focus on them, not on the negative. The negative will only drag me deeper into this black hole, and that is not where I want to be. I want to be on the top of the mountain seeing all the world in its beauty and wonder
not in the valley looking up wondering what the weather is like up there and believing that I will never know.
Today I choose to restart my journey back up the mountain, I sat down and took a short break, but now it's time to move on. I will never see the wonder of it all if I never reach the top. I can set all the little goals I want, and if I miss them that's okay....as long as I keep my eye on the ultimate prize.