Wednesday, October 19, 2011
I woke up at 7:30 this morning.
That's not something I do, generally. Most of my work/rehearsal is in the evening, so I don't tend to go to bed before midnight, and last night was no exception, but there I was at 7:30, awake and moving, and planning the day. It was payday, so I went to the grocery store (first, because I didn't have any breakfast foods in the house) came home, made breakfast, went to the library, did some errands, came home, walked 2 miles in 27 minutes, paid bills, had music and dance practice time, made lunch AND a big pot of meat sauce so that I don't have to cook when I get home, did the dishes, and am about to head out for rehearsal.
I'm biking the 2 miles to the theater, dancing for an hourish, and biking home, where I will check my email and then enjoy dinner with one of my new library books and head off to sleep.
This long, detailed description of my day has a purpose.
My father says to me somewhat often "When I die (may it be years from now) I want to go out with no ammunition left." He wants to live life so fully that when he's finished, he's used up every scrap of life and liveliness given to him.
That's been on my mind all day. I've lost 90 pounds... gone from a 28 to a 14, proven to myself that I can do seemingly impossible things... but the biggest change, and this has come in the last couple of months as a result of changing my food around, is my energy level.
I have so much ammunition it's ridiculous. It feels like I'm bragging, and maybe I am... but after 5 years of chronic severe depression and crippling anxiety, after 17 or 18 years of growing more and more obese, and more and more tired, getting sick at the drop of a hat, sleeping badly, headaches, and an energy roller coaster that no theme park would allow... I have stable, reliable, plentiful energy. I can get everything I need to done in a day, and have something left over for enjoyment.
And I'm very sure this energy is contributing to the very neat life and career things I talked about a while ago, because I know especially as a performer that energy is one of the things that makes people want to come see you, and work with you....
and I know that when I go to bed tonight, it will be with the knowledge that I used up my ammo for the day.