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    MISSCLEO11   9,479
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normal - ?


Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Today my BMI is 24.9. Which means I am no longer overweight. I have lost 123.8 pounds.

And I am really struggling. Not with the food really, except that I don't want to eat. I don't want to follow my food plan. I have had to eat soft foods since some major dental surgery a month ago (a congenital issue that it was time to correct). It hasn't been too hard to do; everything just needs to go in the blender. But eating is a nuisance.

I'm struggling with my mood. I've had 3 episodes of major depression in my life; and because the risk of relapse with that many episodes is over 95% I've been on antidepressants since the last episode. But I guess I've gotten depressed again anyway. I haven't wanted to admit it: you know, if you're feeling badly you should just change the way you feel. Or throw yourself into helping others. Or eat right and exercise. The last 3, check. The first, can't seem to change it.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
NORAB52GOOD 10/25/2011 9:42AM

    "If you are feeling badly, you should just change the way you feel"

JEEZ! If it were only that easy!!! emoticon Unfortunately it is not. Sometimes the only way out is through. Feel your feelings. Talk to your doctor if you mood is really low. As Dawn said you might need a med increase.

You have had a life altering weight loss. It may take you a while to process all the feelings that have been unveiled and stirred up.

Hang it there. You are NOT alone.
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DAWNWATERWOMAN 10/18/2011 6:57AM

    Depression is one of those things that just seems to have a mind of it's own. Fresh air helps me. Get plenty of rest. You're doing GREAT on so many levels. Just keep doing the next right thing, discuss it with your doctor or therapist in case your meds need to be tweeked... and know that you are a special lady! No matter what you feel, the feelings are not bad... they just FEEL bad. Love you, Dawn emoticon emoticon

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