Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Today my BMI is 24.9. Which means I am no longer overweight. I have lost 123.8 pounds.
And I am really struggling. Not with the food really, except that I don't want to eat. I don't want to follow my food plan. I have had to eat soft foods since some major dental surgery a month ago (a congenital issue that it was time to correct). It hasn't been too hard to do; everything just needs to go in the blender. But eating is a nuisance.
I'm struggling with my mood. I've had 3 episodes of major depression in my life; and because the risk of relapse with that many episodes is over 95% I've been on antidepressants since the last episode. But I guess I've gotten depressed again anyway. I haven't wanted to admit it: you know, if you're feeling badly you should just change the way you feel. Or throw yourself into helping others. Or eat right and exercise. The last 3, check. The first, can't seem to change it.